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So a friend of mine told me about a wedding invitaiton she got in the mail today. It was addressed to her husband only, not her (mind you they have been married for years)...anyhow... when they opened the invitation it basically says that if you want attend their wedding and eat, you need to send the bride and groom a check for $45 each person to pay for your meal.
On top of that, they had the nerve to include a list of where they are registered. Maybe it is just me, but if I cannot afford to feed my wedding guests, I would not have a wedding.
ummmm, I'd rsvp no on that one. It's a bit rude IMO....
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WHOA! I know there was a thread before where someone said the price of the meal choices where listed on the invite, so I've heard that before, but I'm still floored.
I read the same post frenchbulldog mentioned awhile ago... I heard its common in certain Asian cultures? If thats the norm in your circle, more power to you! If I received an invite like that though I would respectfully decline.
So here's my question: Are you still required to bring a gift for the couple?
You can do that?? lol jk..... a little off putting :S to say the least!
Really, in which culture is charging guests for dinner the norm??!? I know that in some cultures, giving money rather than gifts is expected, but an outright charge per person? If you can't afford the wedding, then you gotta scale back!
I wonder how many takers they will have? Not to mention, how many people actually give them a gift from the registry? If I were you, I would check the registry website after the wedding just out of curiousity to see how much stuff was bought.
Wow that's too much. I would also decline. There should be a thread about how many etiquette faux pas one can commit with a single invitation. Looks like we have at least three here....
I've actually never gotten an invitation that didn't have some mention or insert card of their registry. I guess in my circle/family, it's okay. However, if anyone every sends me an invitation with a price list, I'm definately sending in a no.
Astonishing! If there is a culture were this is accepted the sender should be aware that this is not the standard and consider this when putting together their invite list.
That would be a RSVP of NO WAY! from me!
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You know what I'd do?
I wouldn't RSVP. An eye for an eye, yo. 
@FlipFlopBride - Mr. MJ didn't understand why we wouldn't include registry info in our invite. Maybe it's something done in his family though; I don't know. (But we're not having invites so, problem solved!)
RecessionistaBride - your comment sounds racist that it's common or it is norm for Asian Culture to request monetary gift on wedding invites. And as an Asian American and in my culture we do not request nor charge someone at all. In our culture we don't really give registry gift, and we generously give monetary gift in a Red Envelopes to friends or family who are getting married.
Please get your fact straight before making any conclusions - remember friends comes in all kind of colors
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Wow. This would have saved me SO much money for my wedding...because NO ONE would have come!!! Maybe that's what they're going for?
I kind of feel bad for this couple - maybe they really had no idea that's in completely poor taste? Maybe they're very young and haven't been to any weddings yet.. I don't know I'm stretching..
That's like a double whammy - pay for your meal if you want to come, but either way buy us a gift.
I say RSVP 'No' and make a $45 donation in their name to your favorite charity. Good karma all around.
Fading Flower, I think you're overreacting a teensy bit. RecessionistaBride just said she "heard" that this was common in Asian cultures.. it may have been a comment made in the thread she is referring to. It's not like she said "[Culture] does this because they're cheap." No need to attack her!
I think moderndaisy got me thinking. Yeah, what if the couple was just clueless? Will people really not come because their invitation was such a turn off? I know I have gotten offsensive invitations, and have declined (OK, just one.) So it certainly wouldn't be out of character for me to decline. But I seriously wonder how many people would decline. That is kind of sad.
But I guess it's not too hard to learn a little wedding etiquette. You'd think you'd want to put a little effort into the most important day of your life.
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what the heck. that seems sooo bizarre to ask them to pay for their dinner.
btw - i'm asian and none of my friends and families have ever done anything like this and i'm not sure of any asian cultures asking for people to pay for their own food. i think the poster above was thinking of gift registries when she said she "heard of asian cultures" doing something similar.
fadingflower- that was NOT a racist comment. First off it was a question because she was not sure. And I don't even see what is the big deal even if this was something prevalent in Asian culture? She didn't write anything offensive.
::gasp!:: So she wants to charge for dinner *and* receive gifts? That is terrible!
I don't mind and wouldn't give my two cents, if she stated that it is normal for a culture wedding? and ended with a question mark, but she specifically stated Asians. So she simply wiped other cultures and simply targeted only Asians. It makes us sounds like we are cheap, money greed and we have no class at all.
From another Asian's point of view, this is NOT acceptable and I also don't think that any racism was implied by Recessionistabride. I've gotten "Monetary gifts only, please" from couples who are on their second marriage and haven't registered anywhere because they really don't need anything, and thought that was sort of okay given the circumstances, but definitely not naming a price point per person. There's a huge difference between a cultural expectation to receive mostly monetary gifts, and insisting in the invitation that guests pay a certain amount to cover their own meals.
My take is, if a couple wants people to celebrate with them, they don't charge their guests for it... guests are doing THEM the favor by simply attending. Even gifts, while admittedly are sort of expected, are an "extra" from guests.
Registry info -- I would never consider doing this but I've received invites that have included it. My guess is couples receive those little "We registered here" cards from the retailers and think it's fine to stick it into the invite and don't really think about it.
I did see a registry site that allows you to ask for contributions to portions of the wedding or honeymoon. It's not a fee or a request to cover your meal. Basically, you can put items like chinaware as well as items like "donation to help offset our wedding flowers." You don't list a suggested donation amount, so it's however much someone wants to give. You can even put down items like "favorite recipes to help us enjoy our married life." This way, a guest can gift the couple something even if they can't afford one financially. I thought it was a pretty novel concept.
Anyways, the couple that asked for $45 to cover the meal probably can't afford the wedding they want, but really want to have that wedding anyways. I kind of feel bad for them because it's obvious they don't want to compromise their special day due to financial constraints. Still, it's a rude way of going about it.
I'm Filipino, we don't charge, but I must say we do the money dance; but that's a tradition for the community to help the new couple out where you dance with the bride or groom while people pin money on you; is that what they are referring to? but for me to ask money for dinner; whoa that is very poor taste; that definitely doesn't happen in the Filipino culture; not my culture uh-uh; very very rude; a cash bar is considered rude; you dont make your guests pay; but a money dance is more like a gift and a fun kind of tradition to help the couple out; a completely different connotation
wow what asian culture charges, that's kind of funny; but if they are referring to the money dance that's not considered charging; it's just a tradition
I know Chinese give money gifts in red envelopes; but the couple doesn't ask it; it's considered a gift
I think there is some misconception, so people are getting offended by this misconception
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@fadingflower: It wasn't singling anybody out. She just said that she'd HEARD that some Asian cultures did it. If I'd heard that Canadians, for example, did something, I wouldn't report that "some cultures do ______". I'd say "I've heard that Canadians do ______". Chill.
That said...I think I'm the only person who isn't deeply offended by this. =D While I'm following etiquette with my own wedding (for the most part), I couldn't care less if people include registry info in the invite. It's less work for me, because I don't have to call up the MOH to find out where the couple is registered. It's common knowledge that you're expected to bring a gift to a wedding, so in my view it's the same as providing a wishlist for birthdays/Christmas, which most people don't view as rude.
As for telling people that they have to include a $45 cheque...while I might RSVP no if I wasn't close to the couple, it's not that big a deal. If you go out for a party with friends, you're usually expected to pay for yourself, so why is a wedding so different? (Though I understand how this might be taken as being tacky...but maybe they ran into financial trouble, didn't want to chop anyone from the guest list, and so are asking for people to pay for a portion of their $100 per head meal. *shrugs* In the end, I don't know. But really. If you don't want to go, just RSVP no. It's that simple.)
That has got to be the WORST thing I've ever heard of. And $45 for the meal....sounds like if they can't afford to feed their guests, then maybe they should go for something half the price or something so they CAN feed their guests. Jeez, so rude!!!
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What if someone RSVPs yes, but doesnt include the money, or not enough money? Will they call yo tell them that they shouldn't expect dinner? :D
Wow! I should have done this! (Only kidding). I'm with just about everyone else, I would just RSVP no. While I respect other people's culture, I tend to think that this one is not culturally related. I say this because it is only addressed to the husband, you are requested to pay for your meal and there is registry information inside. I think the person who sent this is clueless about wedding ettiquete.
EDIT: If I'm going to spend $45 on dinner, I'd rather not have wedding food.
Ha! I'm so glad that I didn't put those stupid registry "flyers" in my invites. I thought it was tacky before I was ever a WeddingBee'er! {Smiling at my perceptiveness} I'm glad I had the good sense to toss those stupid things when I got them.
That's not a wedding -- that's a fundraiser at which two people happen to be getting married. I would still RSVP, but I don't think I would send a gift, because they would be asking me to a fundraising event, not to a celebration. The inclusion of the registry info? Eh, that's not great, and my mother would lock me in a dungeon if I asked for it, but that's small potatoes here.
I'm new to all of this, but I never got the memo that it's considered rude to let guests know where you're registered. Most invitations I receive include a note about that wherever the website and/or suggested accomodations are listed. I agree that it's rude to ask for $$ [i've never seen that before and would never dream of doing it], but I'm a little lost on the registry ettiquette I guess.
missteacher, the general wisdom is that your guests will seek out your registry through word of mouth. I mean I usually just type in a couple's name into a bunch of online registries to see where they pop up! But to include your registry info usually seems gift grabby.
I come from NY. All the weddings I am invited to have no mention of paying for your own dinner or registry info. It is the norm to give money as a gift. However, there has always been a bridal shower for all the weddings I have been invited to. In the shower invitation is where the registry info goes.
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