Post # 1
Ok hive. I have been lingering for a while now and found most of my questions and concerns addressed by other bees. This one is an original and I think takes the cake.
A little back story… FI and I have been together for almost 4 years. We’ve had our ups and downs, most of which are rooted in family drama. We have worked through all the major stuff and most of the minor and are stronger for it now. We were planning to get married this coming Janurary, but postponed one year due to both FI’s parents’ health issues. Several surgeries for both later and the danger has passed.
I have been quietly planning the wedding on my own due to issues with the original MOH (FSIL). She and I were close up until recently when she started hanging out with a cousin I don’t get along with. I told her I had cancelled the whole thing to drop her as MOH without the drama. She didn’t seem fazed in the least. No Biggie until about a week before Christmas. FH and I were visiting at her house and I asked if she had any ribbon. I told her I saw a video on how to make ribbon roses and wanted to make my bouquet ot of them. She acted interested in the idea, and asked when we are planning to “do all this.” I told her the date in Jan 2012. She immediately told me I have to move the date! I asked Why? “Because we are planning to go to Hawaii for our 10 year anniversary and won’t be back.” was her answer. Let me backtrack…she is selling her house due to not being able to pay the notes with her husband on his 6th job this year. He has a good job now, and they are still selling the house so they can travel!!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!!
There anniversary is 2 weeks before the wedding date. I said they would be able to go on the vaca and be back for the wedding. She still thinks I should move the wedding to accomidate her trip. I chose my date because it is our 5 year anniversary. She knows this.
Well Hive, am I completely out of line for being upset by this? I have already replaced her as MOH with a friend who is awesome and 100% supportive of me and FH. And I also eliminated the rest of his family from the wedding party too for similar reasons.
What should I do?
Sorry so long.
Post # 3
What should you do? You should have your wedding when you want to have it. If she can’t be there, oh well. If it’s important enough to her, she’ll find a way to be there.
She is in no position to tell you how to live your life and the world doesn’t revolve around her.
Post # 4
Sounds like your FSIL needs a good shaking. If selling your house so you can go on vacation and spend money isn’t enough of a red light as to her lack of ability to prioritize responsibily…then I don’t know what is.
You pick your wedding date according to what you and your FH want, not what his sister wants.
Post # 5
i agree with them! It’s your day!
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2011 - Blossom Heath
I agree with everyone else. It is your day and the people that really have your best interest at heart will be in attendance.
Post # 7
Have your wedding when you plan on having it. There will always be people who make excuses. I wanted to get married in October and I was swayed by my FSIL, so I changed the date to July. I still have my heart set on October, but it is what it is. If I could go back, I would have said, I am sorry FSIL, but we are getting married in October.
Post # 8
I’d ignore her! Do your thing, she’ll either be there or she won’t.
Post # 9
geez, you need to put your foot down and you need to tell them how its gonna be, not the other way around!!!!!
STAND YOUR GROUND!!!!!!!!! every decision you make, let it be firm, and dont let other people be an influence to change your mind!
keep your date
Post # 10
I’m sorry, I have to disagree with everyone. I think you and FI need to talk about this and figure out a way to work this out for everyone. It’s his sister – does he really want to get married without his sister there? That’s pretty harsh.
I think you need to worry a little more about your FI and less about how much you dislike this girl. She is his family, and that’s probably important to him.
Post # 11
Don’t move it. That’s crazy. She can bump a vacation.
Post # 12
I think you need to discuss this with your FI and see what he thinks as well (since its his sister). As a bride myself, I agree with you. I would have the wedding when I want to (bc its OUR wedding day, not hers) and if its truly important, she will make the effort to be there.
However, it is FI’s sister – so you may want to see how he feels about this also. If he agrees with you … then the decision is final! And you’re team! If he doesn’t, then now would be a good time to come up with an alternative. Or perhaps have the talk with her and say “Hey, I understand about the trip, but I’m sure you understand that we want to get married on our anniversary.”
Post # 13
Have it when you want to have it. F everyone else. It’s not their wedding, its yours. People are so selfish!
Post # 14
I think it depends on how close your FI is to his sister. When we were setting the date my DH and I picked it. I suggested consulting his family, and he told me they could show up if they wanted to or not, didn’t matter to him! (My family had already told me whatever date we set they’d move heaven and earth to be there.) So you two def talk about it and maybe have him talk to your FSIL. If she’s not part of the wedding I don’t understand the big deal, as all she has to do is show up!
Post # 15
My vote: go ahead as planned but you should have lied! Oh no, I can’t move it we’ve already booked the whatever, whatever and laid deposits down… “bummer”…. kinda idea…
Post # 16
Well Bees, it’s time for an update. and it’s a happy one I am thrilled to say!
It is family tradition to celebrate New Years at my FSIL’s house. I had already decided to make nice and forget the issue with date for the sake of peace in the New Year. I am so glad I did. I went to FSIL’s house early in the day to help with set up and cooking. We were expecting a big crowd. We got almost everything done in record time and had some time to chat and have a cup of coffee, a mutual love of ours. She asked me about the plans and I started telling her about my dress shopping online and my DIY ideas. I said “I can’t beleive you have been married for 9 years already.” She looked at me all confused and laughed. I looked at her and asked “What’s so funny sis?” She then said “I’ve only been married 8 years. I told you the wedding was the same time as my 10 year anniversary trip and I was a year off. I’m so sorry!” We both had a good laugh and now everything is great between us again.
The ironic part in during this drama is that my friend that had stepped in as MOH was working on my last nerve. I found out through another friend of mine that she was talking about me behind my back. And to top it off I discovered that she made a pass at FI after we announced our engagement. Needless to say, she is no longer involved, and possible off the guest list.
If life had less drama I think it would be boring as can be. LOL
Thank You Bees for all your support and advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!