(Closed) OMG! My friend is uninviting people to the wedding!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Why is she uninviting people?  Can you give more details?  What a mess etiquette wise :-$

Post # 4
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Wow! Thats a really awful situation, what’s her reason for switching venues? Is it absolutely necessary?

Post # 5
Member
8473 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have no advice.  This is terrible.  I’d be dropping her as a friend for uninviting me.

Post # 6
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

YIKES!!! Why is she doing that?!?

What a mess.

On a previous thread someone suggested sending cards that said “the (date) wedding of Bride and Groom has been cancelled.”  And then follow it up with something like that they will celebrate DW-style/in an intimate ceremony with family.

Post # 7
Member
2061 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Very rude, but I think she should tell ALL her guests (send announcement letters) that the wedding celebration has been cancelled.  Then send new invitations entirely.

As for the hotel room situation, share a room with another bridesmaid or guest, choose a different hotel further away that’s cheaper, try vbro.com, or tell the bride you can’t afford the new hotel room!

Post # 10
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Baillie2b:  Oh boy….some people really need to research costs and stick to a budget so stuff like this dosn’t happen. Looks like she will have to let all her guests know about the cancellation.

Post # 11
Member
11352 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Is the new venue so far away from the other that you need to switch to another hotel, or could you stay at the original hotel that you booked?

Post # 12
Member
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Baillie2b:  This is one of those times where she’s just going to have to take it on the chin….and trust me, she will hear a lot of negative things from her former guests and family before she’s through with all of this….what a mess….if it were me, I would tell her to hold off on the calling until the two of you can get some chocolate, a bottle of wine and some kleenex and do it together….sometimes you just need a buddy.

Hopefully she learns the lesson, budget is everything when you are planning anything.

Post # 14
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Baillie2b:  Jeez what a mess.  I wouldn’t do her dirty work for her.  She has made a huge mistake and she needs to deal with it.  I’d make sympathetic noises and listen if she needs to talk about it, but as far as helping her tell people go – hell no!  This is her faux pas.  She needs to send cancellation announcements straight away and return any gifts that were already purchased to the sender.  Then she needs to get new invitations out, but she should also expect some backlash – it’s not fair to do that to people, if they were important enough to invite in the first place then she should have the grace to explain and apologise.

What a silly thing to do – she must feel dreadful though!

Post # 15
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here (comes with my career)

First and foremost…  (( HUGS )) to you, because this does sound like you are quite stressed with all these changes.  Understandable being the MOH.  Let’s hope it calms down, and some clarity can be found in the days that come.

At this point, it is difficult to comment accurately.

More info would be helpful.

I would really like to know WHY the HUGE change in plans?  (Change in Venue, 100 Less Guests)

Strictly from an Etiquette point of view.

Save The Dates are a relatively NEW item in the Wedding Stationery World.

And so there is a lot of confusion about what they are… or the role they serve (IMO too many people have jumped on the STD Bandwagon without recognizing the CONSEQUENCES of using them)

The are good for Destination Weddings… but as proved out by soooo many topics here on WBee they can cause many issues for Brides planning a more traditional Wedding

Particularly so as they are often sent out very very early in the process (in lieu of Engagement Announcements)… so that ultimately by the time things get more organized… one finds out that they’ve overshot their estimates with their enthusiastic distribution of STDs

In reality, STDs are merely an Announcement, Notification, or Head’s Up

They are NOT AN INVITE… so there is no real obligation that they have to be honoured

(Altho YES it can be awkward if one has overshot their abilities to host the Wedding they have been talking about / promoting)

So technically… your GF doesn’t have to do a thing.  NO ONE is officially invited until they receive an Invite in hand.

BUT, I can see where this is going to be problematic because this isn’t just a handful of folks this is 100 People !!

I am not 100% sure how one would handle this… phone calls may be the best.

I know that from an Etiquette point of view… there is a process in place if a Wedding has had to make Changes, is Post-Poned, or Cancelled IF AFTER THE INVITES HAVE BEEN SENT OUT

In which case a mail-out is done, that gives that info.

Example…

Mr. and Mrs. Oliver Grant

announce that the marriage of

their daughter

Debra

to

Mr. Christopher Bronner

will not take place

OR

Mr. and Mrs. Scott Pierce

announce that

the marriage of their daughter

Janet Ann

to

Mr Peter Norton

has been postponed

*NOTE – The above coming directly from the Post Institute of Etiquette and their book “Wedding Etiquette”

BUT as I say… this is for Weddings where the OFFICIALS INVITES are out. 

Right now I’m not 100% sure what suggestion to make here, because I think more info on WHY the change might be insightful.

Hope this helps,

EDIT TO ADD – I started this reply about 20 minutes ago… so before the OP UPDATES.  I will read some more before I comment again.  (OP the more info you provide the easier it will be to make appropriate suggestions)

 

Post # 16
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Wow. Just… wow.

I agree with the PPs who said that all the guests should be told the original wedding is cancelled. Then new invites should be sent to the smaller list.

As for the money you’re already out, if the bride declines to cover the money you’re losing, that’s ample reason to step down. I don’t understand brides who treat their BP like ATMs.

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