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You and I are living the same life! LOL My guy snores like a freight train. My solution is earplugs. I searched for the ones that have the highest decibal level protection. And really, once they are in, I can still hear him a little bit but it's not enough that it prevents me from sleeping. I did have to turn up the volumn on my alarm clock to the highest setting though, so I do hear it. But it really has saved our relationship. If I still have problems sleeping I take a benedryl, and that usually does the trick.
On a side note-if he is snoring that badly, you might have him do a sleep test, maybe he has apnea. My guy did one and they said he was borderline but didn't think he needed a machine. They actually told him if he lost a little weight it would get better. So that is what he is working on now.
Does he sleep on his back? That is when my FI is the worst. I probably tell him 10 times a night to roll on his side. He gets aggravated at me while he's asleep, but doesn't actually remember it in the morning. Also, if it's really dry in our bedroom it is about 100 times worse. Last night I woke up due to his snoring, and realized the humidifier wasn't on. Once there was a little moisture in the air, his breathing/snoring was much better.
@SandyThePoet: I agree about the Apnea thing...FI is also borderline, and it doesn't help that he is a 320lb powerlifter!
Another thing is either a white noise machine or a fan. I do also have a fan in our room, pointed away from us. It keeps the air circulating and more important to me, provides sort of a white noise which helps some. I agree about the moist air thing. I notice his snoring is worse now than it was in the summer time when it was humid. I may put a humidifier in our room and see if that helps too.
While the issue is certainly his, I've remedied this situation for myself with ear plugs. I got them at Target in the Pharmacy area. It definitely helps me sleep better. Perhaps you might want to try this?!?!?
I am right there with ALL of you. My FI doesnt necessarily snore that loud but breaths with his mouth open and snores. The combination is enough to KILL ME. When he stays with me he always sleeps on the couch because he knows it bothers me, but I feel horrible. I need to invest in some serious ear plugs before we get married. I have tried to convince him to try nose strips or something but he refuses. I hope that you all figure out solutions to this little problem!
My ex was a massive snorer - he was overweight and had sleep apnea. He snored so loud, you could hear him outside.... that kind of snoring. If we ever slept in the same room, I had to start out with earplugs. I hated it. I had decided, if we were to marry, he'd have to sleep in another room (and I'd probably STILL need earplugs). There's just no way I could live like that.
I think it's strange he's in denial about his snoring... to the point he claims you are making things up.
DH snores from time to time, but no where on the scale as my ex - and usually a nudge for him to roll over will stop the snoring.
I totally feel your pain - sleep is SO IMPORTANT!!!!
As I mentioned, I do try earplugs occasionally. And he can't sleep that well without a fan and the humidifier anyway, so those are almost always on already. I used to try Benadryl to knock myself out... until I found out the hard way that the reason it knocks me out is because I'm allergic to it, and anything more than half a child's dose actually sends me to the hospital.
I guess the next trial will be super-duty earplugs. I don't like earplugs to begin with, but if I'm tired enough, I get over it.
If I had to guess, his denial is related to him being an engineer and using that kind of logic. If he's in a lucid state, he assumes he's awake, even if his throat sounds like a freaking freight train. Therefore, if he is awake, he must not be snoring (apparently he's able to block that out really well). If I complain of him snoring when he believes he was awake, then I must be lying.
@ScooterBride: My husband is a big snorer too. And he will insist he's not snoring because he's awake... So I started taping him. He believes me now.
I'm in the opposite boat because I'm the snorer! Honestly, I felt embarrassed when my FI told me because I was thinking wow, how can I stop it. It takes a few days to sink in because at first, I really didn't know what to do about it. I would have a gentle conversation expressing your concern and definitely suggest seeing a doctor. Like the PPs said, sleep apnea is serious and especially since there are ways of treating it, you definitely want to look into it.
Keep up the conversation and make sure you don't take a tone that you are making fun of him. I don't really understand why he doesn't believe you but maybe he was embarrassed like I was. Sleep is important and I would explain that this is a serious issue. That's not good when you have to leave the room. If he claims he is awake the whole time, why is he playing it up then and making you have miserable nights?
Good Luck to you!
Ear plugs are a godsend! My FI snores so bad. My Dad works at a steel mill and he brings me bags of them at a time. They actually encourage you to take them home with you to use while you are cutting the grass, using powertools, anything that is very loud and can infect your hearing.
@ScooterBride: you can get super duper earplugs in the sporting goods section (think gun range)
Thank God my FI only snores when he's sleeping on his back, or when he's had a little too much to drink. All I need to do is poke him, say " you're snoring", and roll him over. In two minutes we're both back asleep , peacefull as ever. My father though, snores like crazy! When I lived at home, even though he slept upstairs and I was downstairs, I had to make sure to fall asleep before him- it was that bad! I don't know how my mother sleeps in the same room! It would drive me crraaazy. All this is to say.... I feel for you.
OMG - I think we're living the same life... My FI's snoring is progressively getting worse and he claimed I was making it, he was awake the whole time, etc.
At first, I was nice about it. I would gently nudge him, just to get him to stop for five minutes so I could get to sleep. (Like you, if I can get to sleep first, it usually doesn't bother me.) I would try rubbing his back too, just to disturb his sleep enough to get him to stop. We both work full time and put in long hours, so I didn't want to wake him if I didn't have to.
That was at first. As I said, it has progressively gotten worse and has even started waking me up in the middle of the night. Now I pretty much smack him or give him a firm - boarder-line hard- shove to get him to shut up. He still *claims* I am making it up, but he knows he snores like a banshee. We have finally gotten to the point that if his snoring gets to be too much, I flat out wake him up and he goes in the guest room. Not ideal, but we both need sleep.
We haven't had a sleep apnea test done yet, but I foresee that in our future for sure. My suggestion for you is, if he has insomnia, he should see a doctor about that - there may be some medicine they can prescribe for him. Also, try to have a calm, serious conversation about how his snoring affects you and your relationship.
Good luck!
I'm sorry, but I'm giggling over here, because my FI is KNOWN to snore like, as some of you have said, a freight train. The jokes his friends say would leave you doubled over in laughter!
They also can't figure out how I manage to sleep with him when he's known to snore!
His problem, however, was continous horrible sinus infections. He had to have surgery for it and, though it's better, it can still be loud.
He's actually QUITER when I'm snuggled up next to him, believe it or not!
I'd suggest pestering him until he tries something. Or stick it on him after he's gone to sleep (devious? yes, I am! LOL!).
but, yeah, can sympathize with the snoring. It will sometimes wake me up, too. :(
Just wanted to say, I'm right there with you. FI snores bigtime, in fact he's legendary for it in our group of friends. Luckily for me, I usually can just nudge him, or say, Hey, you're snoring, and he'll turn over and stop.
I don't think that you should have to sacrifice your sleep just because you are not the primary breadwinner right now, BTW. Keep working with him until you can find a solution that works for both of you.
my hubby use to snore but then he lost alot of weight and its gone
but if he eats/drinks dairy products he will snore so he now uses soy products (soy icecream & soy milk)
My husband snores horribly if he is laying on his back. he had tried breathe right strips, humidifier, etc, but he would always end up on his back snoring. We have finally found a good solution to keep him off his back and on his side at night. We put a tennis ball inside a sock and pinned the sock to the back of a T-shirt. This way, if he rolls on his back while sleeping, it's uncomfortable, so he rolls back over. It's worked WONDERFULLY! I wish I could get back the years of crappy sleep and going out to the couch before we found this solution!
It sucks that he doesn't believe you...I mean why on earth would you lie about that?! I think that if you try/have tried really good ear plugs and they don't work for you, maybe it's not a bad idea to take up sleeping in the other room for good. Maybe get a really good mattress topper for the other bed that will help your back (some sort of memory foam or a feather bed). I know that solution kind of sucks, because who really wants their own room when they're married, but I think it would help your relationship for sure. As long as you take extra steps to keep from feeling like roommates.
DH doesn't normally snore too badly but he's been fighting a cold lately and its been horrible! I can't imagine trying to sleep with that every night so I definitely feel for you ladies! He was so bad on Friday night that I had to leave the room and go sleep on the couch. He woke up at some point in the night and realized I wasn't there and he felt kind of bad. I'm just waiting for him to get better so his snoring goes back to normal.
@ScooterBride: I definitely think you need to figure out why he's so opposed to admitting he snores. Is he embarrassed? Does he feel guilty? Does he think you won't put up with him and would want to leave him? I'm not sure, but I'd suggest having a nonconfrontational nonjudgemental conversation about it. For instance, "I know I have things that bother you too, and I would be happy to work on them, but the snoring is really disrupting my sleep. And while I'm not going to leave you because of the snoring, it upsets me that you aren't even making an effort to help solve the problem." And try to get him to see a doctor. I agree with PPs that he might have apnea, but there are hopefully ways that he can improve his sleeping, as well as you getting earplugs and other ideas people have suggested.
My FI snores on his back, but if I nudge him in the middle of the night he'll usually roll over and not remember it. Occasionally I accidentally wake him up, and then he's pissed at me in the morning, but I have problems with sleeplessness more than he does, so he can usually fall back to sleep.
Finally, plenty of couples sleep in separate rooms and prefer it that way, so this really doesn't have to be a dealbreaker. The main problem in my eye is that he's unwilling to make an effort or even acknowledge the problem. Good luck with that.
I am in the same boat. I am actually skeptical of using ear plugs even though I have all the reason in the world. My house borders three other houses in the back and that is where my bedroom is... in the back of the house. And all three houses have dogs. They let 'em out SUPER EARLY in the morning. Around 5:00 AM and they bark the HELL out of me! Ugh!!!!!!!! (Yes i have my windows shut tight even in the summers.) I usually have to sleep until 6:30 AM but it never happens. (Only in winters!) Grr!!!!!!!!!
I am skeptical of ear plugs because then I feel that I won't be able to hear any noise that might be a lifesaver. I.e. Fire truck or my parents yelling on the other side of the door to make me get out. (I don't usually lock the door because of this.)
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There's only one thing really that would make me consider breaking up with FI. He snores.
Normally, I'd be ok with that. I generally get to sleep faster than he does, and it won't bother me if I'm already out when he starts. But if I wake up in the middle of the night and he snores, there's no way in hell I can get back to sleep. It's loud! I try to wiggle, move the bed slightly, nudge him... nothing. The only way I can get him to stop is if I actually wake him up. He's been an insomniac most of his life, so that really pisses him off. He has an extremely hard time getting back to sleep. Seeing as how he's really the main breadwinner (and I'm currently unemployed for the season), I generally let him sleep. I just get up and move to the guest bed or the couch.
But lately, it's been getting worse. The past few months, I've had to leave the bed up to 50% of nights. If I actually do have some reason I need to be well rested and wake up early, I don't even go to bed. I just start out camping in the guest bed or the couch.
There's a few reasons this pisses me off. One, I am obviously not getting the sleep I should. That will make anyone grumpy! And two, the past couple of years have seen me get a few injuries that really do require a nice mattress to sleep on. There's a good chance I wake up with some bad pain if I'm not in our bed (we paid extra for that nice pillow top!). Limping all morning makes me grumpy, too.
Here's the kicker, though. He claims I'm lying about the whole thing. I have recorded him with my dang iPhone (if I can hide the screen's light), with a timestamp and everything. He brushes it off. He claims he was awake the whole time, even though I never get any response to, "Wow, you're snoring really loud, are you actually asleep over there??" Occasionally I accidently wake him while leaving the room, and then he claims he was awake the whole time because he heard me leave. He can't figure out a good answer when I ask him why on earth I would have an advantage to lying about something like that.
He won't try nose strips, or sprays, or mouth guards, or anything. That is the only part of the relationship he will not give a crap about attempting to work on. His snoring. I've tried earplugs, which is the only thing I can think of doing. They do work, but still not well enough for me to get back to sleep if I wake up while he's snoring.
Any suggestions, Bees?? This is really the only major thing between us that drives me absolutely nuts! How can I live with an FI that I can't even sleep in the same room with?