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sorry that you're going through this.... but I totally understand. My husband was an aerospace engineer and we dated all through college.
I know that his junior and especially his senior year were very tough on us. We had to wait for him to graduate before even getting engaged!!! -- his dad was anal about that. :( He, too, had issues his last year and then was scared he wouldn't pass. Basically, like you, if he didn't pass or graduate, we wouldn't get engaged.
It was tough and annoying but we made it through. I guess my advice for you is to just support him. Talk to him to see if there is a way to still have the wedding? But know that if you do have the wedding while he is in school, don't expect much help from him!!! do you have any deposits or anything already paid? If so, don't postpone. If it's just a class or two, why wait?
I wouldn't attack him or get angry with him because that will only stress him out more. and these engineers have already so much stress as it is from classes. So be supportive but let him know how you feel! good luck to him and you!
I'm sorry you're going through this. IS there any way you can support him in school? Give him plenty of time to study, help him studying?
If he does end up having to take a class or two over, maybe you can still work out to not postpone the wedding another 4 months. If it is jsut a class or two, is there anyway he could just finish those up after the wedding? I wouldn't recommend post poning the wedding.
But do whatever's right for you, of course! Keep up the communication and be supportive!
I ditto what LatteLove said. Sorry you got some bummer news. It will all work out. Get that boy to eat eggs for breakfast and get lots of sleep. Good luck.
Are you concerned that his desire to postpone says something about his feeling about geting married or just annoyed/upset at all the upheaval?
If it is the latter, and given how stressed he is regarding school, might it make sense to postpone for a year so you both feel ready when it comes? From your profile you are pretty young, so perhaps this would be a way to set a date that is firm and allow your FI the space he needs to feel ready to be your husband??
Depending on how many credits the classes are - you can usually still 'walk' with two classes unfinished and finish them later.
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I agree with what Janna said. Maybe this is his way of saying he needs to slow things down? Good Luck!
Having been the one in school, I think it can be a lot of pressure to go through a rigorous program and deal with the whole marriage/engagement thing at the same time. You want to be able to enjoy the planning and engagement time together and if that means he wants to finish school first, it might just be the right thing to do. I understand that it's frustrating to deal with changes and not knowing your date, but do your best to be supportive of his studies. That degree and his future career will be valuable for you and your family for the rest of your lives.
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I agree with abride... Let's take this from a brides perspective. I am a full time student... I work... and I am planning a wedding. There are times- when I just feel like I can't get through a class or a quarter. And it worries me, the thoughts creep into my mind 'Gosh I wish I could really put one hundred percent of myself into just us'.The other thought that runs through my head too is... "I really don't want to be standing at the alter- and think about all the papers I have to write or assignments/readings to catch up on when I get back". My personal want is to feel complete. complete in the sense that I am finishing up what I need to finish (my degree) so that it betters our family. I don't want to feel like a failure on the day of my wedding because of something unrelated is lingering in the back of my mind.... SCHOOL... CLASSES... ASSIGNMENTS...
Now I am sure there are people out there who will disagree with me. Because I can see the other perspective too- perceiving school as a 'job'. And I love my 'job' but this is a 'job' where all that work HAS to pay off otherwise you don't graduate in time to reep the benefits. I am not an A student. I really work above and beyond to get the grades I get- but it takes that much energy out of me to do well in my hard core classes.
So I can see why he would want to discuss about postponing.
But that is something the both of you have to decide as to what is important to you both and how you want to support each other. He values school because (I am guessing) he sees it as a way to be a better husband and future father. And he wants that security knowing he will be successful for you. You will be together for long time. I would start getting used to the idea of what sacrifices need to be made, how to learn to accept the 'for better or for worse' parts of a relationship, and I would take this as an opportunity to try to be there for eachothers dreams/hopes/goals.
Which ever way it leads you, I wish you the best of luck! Things will work out.
Okay... I work full time and I go to school full time. Just so that everyone knows that I understnad his stress too. I have a butt load of work too. Also... By no means do I think he means to slow down, because he is disappointed that it is a pssibility. Also, we had set the date for next year and booked things already.
I understnad why you guys say he may want to slow down, but it was his choice first off of when and he chose next june. I do understnad his point of view trust me I do. completely. I also have parents on the verge of divorce withh two little siblings. So I totally understnad his stress plus some more. And I do know how hard his classes are. I was majoring in Civil Engineering for a bit but I could not jugle all the work they wanted done and work full time.
Totally sorry if any of this comes off snappy. Not intending for it to. I just read some replys and realized that I left some things out.
You're right, this is completely annoying. I would be lit, if I was you. But seriously - deep breaths - he's not failing his courses on purpose in order to screw up your life. He doesn't really want to spend another semester in school. Plus his graduating GPA will be lower, and he'll ultimately look less attractive to companies when he interviews - and if he's talking about finishing over the summer, he'll be graduating at a time when most companies aren't even thinking about hiring, there won't really be a big interview effort on campus, and it will be that much harder for him to find a job. I'm not trying to be a complete wet blanket, but I'm an engineer myself, so I know. He's probably got a lot on his mind, as far as how he has screwed things up, and the wedding is really just one of those things, so it would be nice if you could grit your teeth and try to be supportive, as difficult as that is.
I don't know what your situation is, as far as the wedding. Will your FI's parents continue to pay his tuition and expenses (assuming they are now) if he gets married, or will the two of you have to figure that out? Additionally, the day you marry your insurance coverage under your parent's policies ends, and there is nothing they can do about that.
On the other hand, plenty of people get married and still manage. You get some huge tuition and living assistance once you don't have your parents' income to report, although your FI would need to talk to the financial assistance people at his university to see whether that would be available in time to help. As long as you have a decent income and insurance from your job that will cover your FI once you're married, while money might be a little tight, you can probably do just fine.
I totally see where you are comign from! My FI was an engineer in college and I was a materials major at an engineering school. We both studied and it felt like that was it. There really is no time for other stuff it seems.
I would have been really annoyed if i had to push my wedding back again for a second time. But...that being said.
I also know that studying 24/7 does not make you a better student necessarily. You have to have time to do other stuff.
Why does he want to push the wedding back? The semester's almost over, anyways, right?
And, just so you know, don't think the "stress" is over once school gets out. It's the same ole crap, trust me. I have an engineering job now. They expect you to work just as much as you studied in college, so all I can really say is, "get used to it". Civil engineers are NOTORIOUS for this stuff. I am lucky in that i have a research job and this does not affect me as much. They are required to be on the job site and consistently work 60+ hours a week. Which means if there's rain and the boys are working a Saturday to make up for it, your FI needs to be there, supervising the concrete pours.
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Oh those concrete pours. I go to the school when they get ready for their competition every year. Yea he just wants to wait until he is done with school. Worried about providing and being somewhat stable and not having school to deal with. I think that is how he said it earlier tonight.
Hmm I'm just gonig to be blunt....seriously...you've postponed the wedding once already...he really needs to just MAN UP and really focus on his courses and do well and get them over with. I have friends who are/were in engineering and they ALL do fine just like everyone else. It's just all about making time and focusing and getting it done. I'd be mad if I was asked to postpone my wedding a SECOND time. I think it was very considerate of you to already have agreed to postpone it once. It's his turn to return the favour and do his part. I think if it was the other way around and you were say...in law school or something...you'd kick your butt in high gear and finish your classes so the wedding can happen when it was planned to right? You really need to sit down and talk to him about it because I think him asking you to postpone it AGAIN is borderline selfish.
Sorry about the deleted post. I rechecked your dates. I would let him know how you feel. Maybe he just wasn't thinking about what stress this could cause you.
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Right now I recently went thru something similar with F FI (we're very soon to be finally formally engaged) and it seemed he just felt a wedding was a mere "formality" and the giving of the engagement ring "a formality" too because to him we were already in his mind engaged. And going to marry.
But sometimes men need to understand how we feel. Explain it to him. Ask him and have him tell you if it's the need to either slow down or the need to just wait to graduate that's prompting him to want to yet again reschedule.
Sorry you're going thru this, but seriously sometimes men don't really "get" the whole wedding thing. My guy is a very stylish guy, dresses well, but does NOT plan any kind of party or get together other than a bbq on his back deck or have the guys over to sit in front of his large screen and watch a movie (directly near the back deck where they'd drink beer and he'd bbq). To him, that's a big shindig! A wedding must seem as a monstrously huge event to most guys imho.
My FI and I talked things over. It is more the finals week thing that is making him so stressed. i never thought about finals and realized how much harder his classes are than his. I also informed him that my November or december of this year I will not be postponing the wedding and he agreed. I am so happy. I have come to terms that every semester when finals come this will happen... LOL. Goddness... men require patience. Haha
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Okay... So my FI is currently going to school for Civil Engineering. He has some dificult classes. We postponed our wedding once for various reasons already and today he told me that if he may not pass a couple or one class. Then he told me taht if he doesnt we will have to postpone our wedding another 4 months so he can finish school.
Don't get me wrong I am glad he is concerned and wants to be out of school and such, nut I have postponed it once and I do not want to again.
Now I am debating whether I am mad at him or hurt thhat he expects me to understand and be okay with this.
Sorry... If i mention it to family or some "Friends" it will get turned into long discussions that I do not care for right now
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