omg this is the next 10 years of my life.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m sure you’ve heard it before…but 24 is very young to make a decision about the rest of your life.  I know many people who felt similarly when they were in their early 20s who have since had children.  Like…people who REALLY thought they would NEVER have kids.  So…never say never.

 

The other thing is…that while your choice is to not have children, that doesn’t mean everyone else will follow along and not have kids either.  They want those kids…so the best thing to do is be happy for them.  For some of my friends with kids, I think everything is awesome — because I know their stories.  I know how hard it was for some of them to have kids, or how much they wanted their kids.  Others, I’m like ugh god another picture of your kid.  Some people I’ve had to block from my newsfeed because they post CONSTANTLY about their children’s activities in way too much detail.  

Post # 4
Member
3737 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We are CBC as well. I really don’t like a lot of kids. I think my friends kids are awesome and I fawn over everything they do. The other day, I was at the store and started drooling over the adorable little dresses they have for babies and for a split second I thought, “I want a baby to dress up!” Then I realized that that baby will also scream and vomit and poop and I quickly snapped back to reality. I love my friends and I love their kids. And I love being the cool aunt and giving them back when I’m done with them lol.

Post # 6
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@soontobemrsm11:  There’s nothing wrong with having a kid over the age of 30.  Going back to your original post, it made me think you are kind of second guessing your choice to be childfree.  That’s something to talk to your SO about!  If you want to have kids, you need to figure out how to make it happen.  If you don’t…well, that’s easy.  =)  Just coo over your friends’ kids, and visit with them…and then you can give them back.  That will probably help you stick to your original decision. =)

Post # 7
Member
6880 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

@soontobemrsm11:  Just wanted to say I can relate 100%. I have no real advice, but I totally understand how you feel. Everyone around me is having babies, or on their second child and I can’t help but feel like my biological clock keeps ticking, louder and louder. I also hate the comments asking why we don’t have children yet. Apparently when you own a home, people expect you to fill the room with living beings, even before you get married. Right now we are CBC but the influx of cute babies on my newsfeed is making me get the itch. I brought it up to FI the other day and his response wasn’t the best…

Post # 9
Member
6880 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

@soontobemrsm11:  That’s exactly how we are! We said no kids very early on in our relationship and it’s almost our 8 year anniversary!! It’s just that before now, everytime I saw a baby I had absolutely no reaction to a baby – I was totally indifferent, if not a bit uncomfortable around them. Now I see one and I get that “d’aawwwww” moment… it freaks me out!!! 

Post # 10
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

You’ve got plenty of time to make an official, set in stone decision one way out the other. We human beings are allowed to be confused and/or change our minds! I always thought I’d be CBC but then I hit 26 and my uterus started screaming at me. It took me about a year to admit to myself that I did want kids, and we still probably won’t be mentally/financially ready for a few more years. And don’t let anybody judge you for not wanting kids, it’s a perfectly valid choice.

Post # 11
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Well, you DO have time to change your mind but God it SUCKS when everyone older than you insists you will. I’m rebelous enough to deny urges even if I DID change my mind because I wouldn’t wanna prove so many people right! 

I’m CBC and was probably 85% sure of that at your age. Now I’m 31 and instead of the ‘urges’ coming along like everyone said they would, I’m even MORE certain that I don’t want kids. Thankfully I married a guy who doesn’t want kids either. 

I think it’s totally normal to get irked when you see a lot (and 4 out of a small number of Facebook friends feels like a lot, I’m sure) of people moving in herd-like mentality. It can be annoying when everyone gets engaged at the same time, too. 

Don’t deny yourself your emotions or try to drown them out with logic. It sounds like you’re really self-aware, though, which is awesome!

Oh, and if you’re really frustrated I believe there’s a Chrome browser plugin that changes photos of babies to photos of kittens and puppies. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@soontobemrsm11:  I know this is not specific to lesbian couples, but I know a TON of lesbian couples who said over and over that they’d never want kids…and now they’re all either parents, pregnant, adopting, or planning to do one of the above in some manner.  Like…so many of them.  I graduated from college almost ten years ago (WTF!!!!), so all the people I’m thinking about are like…29 to 35 years old.  The common factors are that they ALL said they’d never have kids…and now here they are.  I don’t know very many hetero couples who said the same and changed their minds.  

Hmm that’s weird.  

Post # 15
Member
2311 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m the bizzaro-opposite of you right now. I always knew I wanted to get pregnant and have kids. In fact, I have been TTC for a bit now. But for some odd reason, today I felt like I don’t want them AT ALL! I was mourning that why do I want them when I like the freedom of doing whatever I want, whenever I want? I never feel like that. Maybe TTC is getting to my head. I dunno. But like you, I am feeling highly emotional and erratic. I am not changing my mind or anything. Weird, huh what being a woman can do to you!? Lol!

Post # 16
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@soontobemrsm11:  EVERYONE is having babies right now- what is up with that?!  I think there will be 3 babies at my wedding under 6 months old because everyone is pregnant right now (and we kinda wanted a kid-free wedding but then everyone got pregnant and will have newborns included 2 of my BMs (MOH and FSIL!) but that’s a separate thing).  Just wanted to let you know that I get it!

FI would LOVE LOVE to be CBC.  I’m just starting my career so being CBC is really tempting to me right now.  My situation now (which I think is the same as you) is that IF I decide I want kids, then FI is okay with that and if I decide to be CBC, we will be CBC.  I mentioned to a close friend of mine that I wasn’t sure I wanted to have kids and she took it as an offensive attack on her mommy lifestyle.

Here’s some reasons why it would be awesome to be CBC.  You can afford to go on amazing non-child friendly vacations!  You have more money to save or spend.  You won’t have to worry about ruining your body with a pregnancy. You can still be an awesome aunt/uncle who has a close relationship with a kid and take them to disneyland… and you can pass them back to mom and dad whenever you want!  You can go to upscale restaurants whenever you want. You can stay at work late and get that promotion you wanted.  And then I found this great list!

http://childfreedom.blogspot.com/2009/03/top-100-reasons-not-to-have-kids-and.html

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