OMG What have I done? How to actually pay for wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Let your FI pay for it, then. Clearly he isn’t really considering the financial magnitude of having a glitzy affair.

I would try harder to convince him to do something smaller.

You save for a wedding like you save for anything else (and sounds like you’re an expert at it), but if you don’t have the money coming in, then you don’t have the money coming in. A lot of people these days are a bit more established in their careers before they wed.

Is there a reason why he wants something expensive? It is only one day, and it sounds like at your current positions in life, putting that money towards something else would be a much smarter move.

Post # 4
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

We saved up beforehand. I am the kind of person who throws the remainder of every paycheck into savings after I divvy it up where it needs to go.

Honestly, I have the opposite mindset that you have – “OMG all that money I’m spending on ONE DAY could have helped me pay off my student loans!!”
I am still seriously pissed off about it sometimes.

If you are concerned about costs, start planning a cost-effective wedding… or, hey – elope! Or maybe do a destination? No joke, the less people you can have there the lower your costs will be. A destination has the possibility of being all-inclusive as well – everything from flowers to music might be included in your package.

Also… if your fiance isn’t helping with costs, you should maybe hold off until you can both afford this together (or plan something really inexpensive). IMO, it’s really not a good way to start your marriage to shoulder all the costs of the wedding yourself.

[ETA] Saw that your FI is insiting on a big wedding… kind of ballsy for him to say that without offering a dime.
Figure out and plan for what you can afford, and if you’d rather not do that than don’t be afraid to put your foot down and tell him he can’t demand you spend all your hard-earned money to satisfy his big wedding whims.
In this case, he can’t have his wedding cake and eat it, too – he’s not paying the baker!

Post # 5
Member
1931 posts
Buzzing bee

We had the same concerns and realized we would have to save for nearly a decade to throw the wedding we would want. So we’re eloping and saving about $40,000. 

Post # 7
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wait a minute… HE wants a big fancy wedding, but YOU are paying for it?

No… I don’t think so. He’s gonna have to bring it back down to earth and get real. You can’t have a wedding you can’t afford. Sorry!

Post # 8
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@MissCoffeeBean:  I think you need to tell him how ridiculous that all sounds. He doesn’t seriously think he can keep up with a CEO who is like 30 years his senior, right?

I think you need to impress upon your FI that this is the foundation of your lives that you’re talking about here. The money you do/don’t spend on the wedding could be the down payment on a house. The difference between getting a nest egg started early, or not… etc.

If you don’t have wealth to flaunt, you can’t flaunt it.

Post # 9
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MissCoffeeBean:  First of all, don’t have a wedding that depletes your savings, it will drive you crazy.  When my husband and I decided to have our wedding, we based our budget on what we had saved already, and what we would be able to save over 10 months.  Then start to prioritize your wedding needs/wants and stick to your budget.  We ended up spending around $12k for our 50 guest wedding (includes rings, tax, welcome dinner, thank you brunch, etc).  However, if we would’ve had student loans, I would probably opt for paying the loans off and eloping; afterall, the wedding is only 1 day, debt can last for years.

Post # 10
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@MissCoffeeBean:  Don’t have a wedding you can’t afford. Either push back the date or lay down the law with your SO and say no way to the glitz and glam.

Post # 12
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly, your FI will need to work while in grad school.  I don’t know many people that don’t work while in grad school.  

Post # 13
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@MissCoffeeBean:  We waited until we were 29 and 31 and had the income to support what we wanted.  At that point I was able to pay for the whole wedding as I planned it with my current income – I wasn’t saving as much but wasn’t taking out of savings.  He offered me money but I had it covered – he paid for the rings and the honeymoon.

Post # 15
Member
1931 posts
Buzzing bee

@MissCoffeeBean:  Wait wait waitwaitwait. He’s going to be an investment banker and is demanding that YOU pay for the entire wedding right this very second? 

 

What.

 

The.

 

Fuck.

 

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