Post # 1
I need to vent.
This is rediculous. The plan was originally that My Mom and FMIL were going to plan something for a shower together – and have one big one.
FMIL said no. She wanted to have her own shower… at her church with her church ladies. I posted awhile ago on this when I first found out.
I am a Christian – however, their church is more like a cult. She has pressured me to go their since FI and I have been dating (6 years) and I refuse. FI also just recently left the church after attending there his whole life. He’s glad to be out of there.
So now, she is throwing this party at her church with people who are NOT invited to the wedding. So since she is throwing that one, my Mom was just throwing a shower for my friends and family. My Mom’s shower is two weeks after FMIL.. the invitations for my Mom’s shower were mailed out last week. FMIL’s shower is in THREE WEEKS and she is still in the process of sending out invites.
FMIL found out about my Mom’s invitiations going out and threw a fit because her family wasn’t invited to my Mom’s shower. WTH?!?! She’s the one who wanted separate showers!
Now, today FMIL sends out a shower invite via facebook to everyone SHE AND I HAVE IN COMMON ON FACEBOOK – these are people I barely know, don’t really like, and are DEFINITELY NOT INVITED TO THE WEDDING AND DONT EVEN ATTEND HER CHURCH!
What the HECK?!
She called me this week… a few days ago… and we’re supposed to “clear the air” and work on our relationship.. because she thinks I hate her. So we set up a few days ago to have lunch for tomorrow – and I just found out about this facebook thing a few minutes ago. I swear at lunch I’m going to start screaming – and she wanted to go to a fancy restuarant. How about I embarass her in there – like she’s publically embarrassed me on facebook…. Just kidding. That would be childish – but I’m going to dream about it.
Thanks for the rant.
I just really needed to vent.
Post # 3
That’s hard, espeically if you get bambarded with questions from the guests about being invited to the wedding.
Post # 4
No! Can she uninvite people before they see it?
Post # 5
All of this is going to look bad on her, not you. I would just go along with it to keep the peace.
Post # 7
Just so you know…
“Social” Showers where Guests come together from another source are something that is a custom in some regions (Church Ladies – Co-Workers – Social Clubs that the Bride may belong to etc). In these cases, it is not necessary that the Guests be attending the Wedding (and most of them are quite aware of that… they are just coming together to give the Bride their Best Wishes)
So WHEN the shower was to be that, then your FMIL was within the parameters you gave her to work with (very generous of you by the way to give her a chance, to mend the fence)
BUT when she went beyond those parameters to create a Guest List (gosh Facebook Pals… Really?)
Then she crossed an important boundary…
You need to tell her this Shower is now out of hand… by her doing. And you have decided that it is an “embarrassment” to you, so you will have NOTHING to do with it. You will be opting out and not attending !!
Then take refuge with your Mother, who seems to have her crap together, and an understanding of Wedding Etiquette. Your Mother can Host whomever she wishes at the Shower she is throwing for you (Invites are out already… all the better… “Sorry but the plans are now done”)
If you feel you can’t tell your FMIL exactly how you feel… or if you need back-up bring your Fiance (her son) along for support. His mother screwed up here big time, and she needs to be told so.
(( HUGS ))
PS… I wish you much luck in the future, this women is going to be a PITA / Pill as a MIL. I have a feeling that the family DRAMA (maybe even Wedding Drama) is just beginning for you.
Post # 8
Alright. I’ve calmed down a little bit now.
I cancelled lunch with her and wrote a lengthy letter fully explaining my feelings. I slept on it and had FI read it as well as my Mom. they both approved that it was okay – nothing that I’d regret later – and explained my point well.
I sent facebook messages to the extras she invited stating that “My FMIL did not inform me of this questlist, and due to limited space at the wedding, we regret that we will not be inviting to the wedding itself. FMIL decided to invite a bunch of people to the shower that were not invited to the wedding – as means to celebrate with them too… however I want to be up front since she was not – that we dont expect you to bring a gift or food or anything – just yourself because we would love to celebrate with you too.”
I’ll go to the shower – being angry with FMIL the whole time – but I will be the sweetest person to her guests, since it’s not their fault she’s rude.
I think that’s the classiest way I can handle it.
What do you think bees?
Post # 9
Thanks for the UPDATE (Reply # 8)
Sounds like a decent compromise… (lol, sadly… I don’t think I could be as patient as you)… although from a strictly etiquette point of view, you have now called her out / embarassed her publicly by sending that note… BUT times are bat-sh!t crazy and it would be hard to find another solution to be sure where the Shower could go forward at all.
I think you’ve done the best you can considering the circumstances and family drama. So BIG (( HUGS )) to you.
I hope you’ll share with us more info after all is said & done, I’m curious how this all comes out in the long run.
Post # 10
Thanks for the response. 🙂
The shower is in about 3 weeks. I’m sure I will have some pictures and an interesting experience! lol
Post # 11
@mandigrl04: I think you made the right decsions. I wish you luck and look forward to seeing how it all turns out.
Post # 12
so glad my hubby is one of six and the last to get married. by then no one really cared so much and there was no fuss at all!! hope you can sort this out she is being terribly childish and you do need to say something to her!!