(Closed) On 'after wedding' reality and how to deal..

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
2078 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We aren’t trying for babies for a few more years. In the meantime I plan to distract myself by working, going out with couple friends, enjoying drinks and going out for nice dinners, excersizing, fixing up our house with paint, decorations and new furniture, gardening and making our lot look nice, and spending one on one time with my husband. Enjoying him and our “no responsibilities, aka: pets or children” time together. Also with attending and planning wedding festivities for my friends who are getting married this year. 

It’s all about patience, knowing it’s not quite your time, and keeping yourself busy. Make some goals or plans and see them through. And when other people do announce pregnancies or have babies, take the opportunity to learn through their experience and live through them. Enjoy holding their babies while still being able to hand them back to mom when they get stinky or fussy, lol.

Post # 4
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think everyone has very different experiences with this situation.  For me, the time since our wedding has been some of the best of my life.  

The stress of wedding planning is behind us and we’re free to enjoy each other and our lives together.  We’re in absolutely no hurry to have a baby because we’re really enjoying our current situation.  We bought a house, fixed it up.  Got a dog. Have been traveling a lot and just generally enjoying the freedom of being young, in love and not tied down by kids.

My suggestion is not to look for “distractions” but to do the opposite and focus on what’s good in your life.  I think that it’s dangerous to always need the next big thing to be happy because at some point you’ll run out of big things and be lost on how to make yourself happy.

Post # 5
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I can relate.  I had a hard time letting go of the wedding. I still struggle a litte.  I was one of those girls who had dreamed about her wedding ever since she was 2.  Now it’s over and kind of like, “So what do I day-dream about now?”

I’ve gotten baby pressure, too.  But I’m taking night classes to finish my BS degree so that helps keep me busy.  Darling Husband and I are also very involved in our church and spend two nights a week (outside of normal service) there.  And we also just got a dog (although, if I’m honest, I’ve had moments of regret in getting the dog – but I do love him and plan to keep him).

Did you ever see the movie Tangled?  Once Rapunzel saw the floating lights, she had to find a new dream.  We are Rapunzel and we’ve seen the floating lights. Time to find a new dream. lol

Post # 6
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Meowkers:  My suggestion is not to look for “distractions” but to do the opposite and focus on what’s good in your life.  I think that it’s dangerous to always need the next big thing to be happy because at some point you’ll run out of big things and be lost on how to make yourself happy.

+1  I spend a lot of time counting my blessings. It helps a lot and it’s a good habit to put things in perspective.

Post # 7
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@RoyalPurpleBride:  i just read your post and thought, wow! I was so happy to be done with wedding planning, lol. after it was over, i was like “YES!!!” It goes to show you how different everyone is! 🙂

I don’t find it hard to relate to others but it’s possibly because we have a bunch of married friends who don’t have kids yet either.

I agree with @Meowkers:  this is my time to build a good foundation for married life. I’ve been married for about a year and have been spending intentional, quality time with my husband. I think building a foundation is just as important before introducing children to the mix because your life will change dramatically!

Post # 8
2705 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

H and I are waiting 3-5 years before we start having kids.  There are too many things that we want to do that would be impossible or irresponsible to do with kids.  I actually started to make a pre-baby bucket list.  Some items on the list are:

– Learn to lead climb

– Climb some combination of Aconcagua, Kilimanjaro, Denali, and Rainier

– Make it to Everest Base Camp/trek in the Himalayas

– Buy a house


Maybe you could make a list too.  Are there things you’ve always wanted to do?  Run a race?  Visit an exoitic location?  Take a long road trip?  Learn to play an instrument?  Pick up a new hobby?

Post # 9
2098 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Meowkers:  EXCELLENT advice! I was just reading this exact advice in an engagement advice book I’m currently reading.

It’s hard to stay present and be in the moment but that is really the only way to guarantee happiness. I mean, heaven forbid someone not being able to have children, but it does happen. Or they can’t afford fertility. Or fertility doesn’t work. We only have today. That’s all. Gotta live it up!


OP…It’s totally great you posted this…excellent thread. I think you are right on track, too!

Post # 10
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yes I feel very much lost. Happy, but in limbo. I don’t want kids for at least another 2 yrs, and honestly we’re not in any financial position to have them yet anyway, so I do find myself not quite relating to my single or mommy friends. I do “miss” the wedding too. But I’m looking forward to spring and summer not being taken over by wedding planning like last year! : )

Post # 11
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think the time between wedding and baby should be looked at as a “limbo” time. I think that a baby, while a big deal, is honestly not the most important thing you may do with your life. We are using this time to travel the world, volunteer, doing important things in our career (I develop drugs for important diseases, my Darling Husband is helping change the way medical records are done in the US).

We don’t exist merely as beings waiting to get married or to have children. We all have a lot more to offer. Focusing on something other than “baby baby baby” after a wedding is good for everyone, I think.

Post # 13
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@RoyalPurpleBride:  Enjoy life now because life with kids can be pure hell! Find a hobby, exercise, hang out with your friends, volunteer. Anything!!!

Post # 14
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We didn’t start TTC right after the wedding; we waited about six months. In those six months, I alternated obssessing between home buying/decorating and cooking. It’s funny; my Pinterest is a visual representation of what I’m focused on. FWIW, the more productive endeavor was probably the cooking as we don’t have a house we own yet.

Post # 15
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

 It’s been almost 5 months since the wedding and I’ve not had the slightest bit of baby fever.  I turn 35 this month so the pressure is def on from everyone for me to get pregnant.  I mean, I want kids, but I want to enjoy married life for a little  bit before throwing a baby into the mix.  I just couldn’t imagine having a child right away after you marry.  Why the rush?  I want this time to build up my marriage and just enjoy my husband.  And enjoy date nights, and spontaneous weekend getaways, and sleeping in.  Stuff that is hard to do once a baby comes along.  Once a baby comes along…there goes you ever just being able to do what YOU want to do on a lazy Sunday.  At least not until they are 18.   I guess I’m just not ready yet to give up my freedom as an adult without children. 



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