Post # 1
Need some opinions. We got engaged July 25, 2012. I had a miscarriage after 3 weeks. He told me during a fight that he asked me in part because I was pregnant. My mom died in August 2011 and I can’t say that I have been the kindest person. I am angry and I think I have taken it out on him without meaning to sometimes. He is also very sensitive. So here’s the deal: since July 2012, he has broken off the engagement twice. I want to be with this man on one hand. On the other, I am so hurt from this on again/off again commitment that I’m reeling. Is this normal AT ALL?
Post # 3
No, it’s not normal. I think it’s time to move on.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
It’s normal to feel what you’re feeling but hun… he broke off the engagement TWICE. Maybe you need a fresh start?
Post # 5
Personally, I don’t think it’s normal for an engagement to on and off in a short space of time – but I’m sure there are others that have gone through it.
I think just have a very serious conversation with him – tell him how upsetting it is to be engaged, then not engaged, over and over, because it makes you feel unsure and unsafe in this relationship. If he’s not willing to listen, or if you think this is going to be an ongoing pattern for many months, then just leave.
If you do still want to stay with him, I think call off the engagement (upsetting, I know, but at least then it’s off the table), and say that you want to just be in a relationship with no pressure at all for, say, a year and see how things go. Forget all about being engaged, and just get the basics of a relationship working. If you still don’t want to be together after the pressure-free trial period, then you really need to walk away.
Post # 6
I agree with the others its time to move on..think about it if you were married is he going to do the samething on an off marriage you need a stable relationship.
Post # 7
I definitely agree that you should call off the engagement for good this time, give it a certain amount of time (like, a WHILE…I would personally do 1 or 2 years) & see how you feel then
Post # 8
Being engaged can put a lot of pressure on a relationship that’s otherwise got issues. Sometimes reducing the pressure gives you space to work things out.
Post # 9
That’s not good. If he can’t handle the relationship now, how is he going to handle your marriage when things get rough? It’s better to leave him now than to be left when you’re married and/or have kids.
Post # 10
He changes his mind before he marries you. What happens after? Does he ask for a divorce twice a year?
Because my Dad is like that to my Mom, and that poor woman is literally incapable of caring or feeling emotion any more. 26 years married, he’s left and come back 15 times, and she just can’t care any more!
Post # 11
Your feelings = normal. His behaviour = not normal. Not ever is it cool to “take back” an engagement whenever you feel like. Short of you cheating on him or him having an actual legitimate reason to do so, he’s just being a manipulative ass. You don’t need that crap, find someone who means it when they say I love you.
You don’t get to take back the ring every time you have an argument, and you don’t get to use an engagement as a means to hurt someone whenever you’re pissed off. That’s not what love is, he’s a boy, not a man.
Post # 12
Folks, your feedback has been helpful. Thank you and best wishes.
Post # 13
@jessicawv: What did you decide to do?
Post # 14
To me it feels like ending an engagement is a relationship-ending move. I’m fine with postponing a wedding so that an engagement is longer or even maybe doesn’t have a definite ending point specified, but to just end the engagement it feels like they don’t want the relationship to me.
Post # 15
It’s not normal.
On and off relationships don’t work in my opinion. There is a reason for doing such then there is no point in continuing the relationship in hopes it gets better. The line between working hard to stay together and giving up had been broken.
Post # 16
You’ve been down in the dumps over your mom and your miscarriage, he’s making matters worse by breaking off the engagement TWICE. Time to think about yourself and be happy. Time to move on and do so.