Post # 1
So my bridesmaids and I are currently in Vegas for my Bach party. We arrived last night around 1230am after driving 5 hours to get here. I wanted to go to sleep but my BMs wanted to go out and walk the strip. I reluctantly agreed and we walked around till 4am. At this point I was exhausted and kinda pissed. This morning everything was ok, we swam/drank by the pool. After lunch after walking on the strip for awhile I started feeling anxiety but I figured we were leaving to go back to our hotel to change so I didn’t mention it. We then got dressed,ate, went to a show and then had to walk a distance to a club that we were going to. Once we get to the club and while waiting for drinks I have a full on panic attack and need to step outside. I encouraged my bms to keep dancing and td them how I was feeling and that I needed some space. We were there for over an hour when my moh comes up and starts screaming at me for not enjoying the trip ext. I walked away from her as I
was not going to throw down with get in a club and was trying to calm myself down. She them storms out of the club. After talking to fi I approach her and ask to talk to her where she basically yells at me for ruining the trip, not having a good time, ext. I let her finish and explain that I was having a good time however the strip/club are giving me anxiety. I didn’t anticipate this to happen obviously or I wouldn’t have picked Vegas as my destination for my Bach party. She them brings up other issues about how I’ve changed, ext. I agree, I have changed, my priorities have shifted dramatically in the past year. We hug however there is tension on the cab ride and them she hides in her room and randOmly decides to go to a gas station at 2 am. My other bm is concerned and accompanies her. Now she’s returned, has not come over to the lounge area nor has said anything to me. To be fair I wanted a relaxing weekend and I think that got lost in translation somewhere in the planning stages. We have other unresolved issues in our friendship that we haven’t broached before as well. So, now what?
Post # 3
@MsNarwhal: I think you both need to sleep on it. It’s 2am, both go to bed, sober up, and get some good sleep.
Tomorrow morning, try to enjoy what is going on and maybe suggest things that are less crowded (if you can). I have had panic attacks before and I know with anxiety you can’t just “turn it off” but try and put tonight behind you.
Maybe see if you can pull some of your “old self” back for some of the fun activities.
I think both of you need to sleep and then maybe the two of you can have a quiet heart to heart in the morning.
Or just go out for coffee when you all get back home and try and figure out what is really bothering her and how you can be good friends to each other.
Sorry you are dealing with this on your bachelorette party!
Post # 4
After much stupid going back and forth I basically forced them all to sit down and talk to me. I hate stupid back and forth. I called moh out on her actions after the resolution and asked her to be frank with me. She denied that I had anxiety which really pissed me off. She said because I had never told her about it that it was impossible for it to
Exist. Luckily my other bm vouched for me since she also
Has dealt with anxiety in the past. After talking and tears I think were finally okay. At least enough to get through the weekend.
Post # 5
Sorry, I don’t mean to be a jerk but your Maid/Matron of Honor is probably pissed that they arranged all of this for you only for you to be miserable the whole time. Your OP indicates that you chose Vegas. Is this your first time there? Anyone will tell you that Vegas is as crowded and crazy as NYC so I’m not sure why someone who suffers from anxiety would choose that place for a weekend bachelorette party. Yeah, sorry, but if this was the first I was hearing of your anxiety after planning and executing a trip to Vegas for you, I would question it too.
My advice, this trip was your idea so suck it up, put on a happy face and thank your girls for caring enough to give you what you wanted. And go to a spa or something. Those are nice and relaxing.
Post # 6
@KatNYC2011: Everything you have said I agree with 100%.
OP- hope things can remain calm and civil- I also hope you CAN have some fun.
Post # 7
I’m only up and reading the bee at 4 am because I have horrible cramps
But I suggest everyone go to bed noW and try to resolve things tomorrow if you haven’t already. And maybe everyone get on the same page about the remaining weekends plans before anymore drinking ensues. And try to enjoy!
Post # 8
I agree and understand why she’s angry. I apologized. My anxiety is new for me and yes I have been to Vegas before and been fine. This is not something I anticipated happening at all and was looking forward to it. Anxiety is not something most people can just suck up…it cN be debilitating.
Post # 9
Oh dear, I know how you feel about Vegas! I practically had a meltdown the last time I was there. Too many people, most of whom are drunk and obnoxious. Ugh. I think you should approach her and try to discuss everything again, hopefully when she’s in a better mood. Maybe she is embarrassed about how she behaved earlier and that is why she’s avoiding you? I know I have done that to people in the past after losing my temper and behaving badly…once the craziness died down I just felt ashamed for mistreating someone that I care about.
Post # 11
I don’t think it’s cool to get in someone’s face mid panic attack, but I can see why it would suck if everyone hauled ass to Vegas for some crazy times and the guest of honor wasn’t into it at all. Maybe you just need an afternoon to yourself?
Post # 12
@VegasSukie: Anxiety is funny that way. It can creep into situations that you would never expect. I LOVE school, I love classrooms. But I once found myself pacing back and forth in the hallway in front of my physiology class, crying because I couldn’t go inside. I have never had a real problem with crowds and then one day I found myself hyperventillating in the middle of Victoria’s Secret. My point is… One of the worst things about social anxiety is that it has an awful way of creeping into situations you would never expect. It’s not like arachnophobia… You don’t like spiders, you stay away from spiders. Anxiety is not that simple. A situation that once put you at ease can evolve into a situation thatcauses you to become a blubbering, frightened mess the next. And it only adds insult to injury when not only do your loved ones want you to “suck it up”, but they don’t even believe you. It’s a scary way to live.
Post # 13
It sounds like she doesn’t have a lot of experience with people who have anxiety problems, and she took your attack personally. I deal with the same issue every once in a while, and here’s the analogy I always use:
Me: Say I was really allergic to peanuts, and I accidently ate a cupcake with peanuts in it. Would you be upset with me for needing to use an epi-pen?
Person: No, of course not!
Me: Right! Anxiety is kind of like that, but instead of an epi-pen I just need a little quiet time to myself. I may be having a lovely time but sometimes I run into a trigger I wasn’t expecting and I just need a little time to feel better. I promise it’s nothing about you, and I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I just started to feel panicky and I wanted to get better so I could keep having a great time with you!
The comparison isn’t a perfect one but it seems to help people get that it’s not really something you can control of or stave off easily.