Weddingbee boards

I'm sorry, but I just have to go on a little rant right now, at 1 in the morning, because I am a bit frustrated, and often dissapointed, in my wedding planning as a non-white bride. 

For the most part, color doesn't matter when you are picking venues, or trying on dresses, or cake tasting...  However, I get very frustrated when there are no images of non-white brides when I am searching for a lot of vendors where color DOES matter. 

For those of you who have no idea what I may be talking about, let me explain.  For instance, photography is very important to me.  However, I would say about 80-90% of the photographers that I looked at had no African American couples posted on their blogs or websites.  Perhaps they have just not had the chance to shoot a black couple, and that is understandable--you don't pick your clients.  But as many of my yearbook photos illustrate, not all photographers can photograph black people--they are used to photographing a particular skin tone and don't know how to adjust.  A good photographer can do a great job no matter who the client is--however I have no way of KNOWING that just based on the few selected couples that actually make it online & my wedding is not the time that I want to take it on blind faith that my photographer is "good".  Moral of the story--if you have clients who are of different ethnicities, include them all--preferably prominently--on your website.

Another example, for which I feel there is much less of an excuse, is when artists who do illustrations or cake toppers or anything else that depicts the happy couple may have a range of couples or even what they consider to be "generic" images and they are solely white.  So, not only do I then have to contact these designers to find out if they are even capable of DOING non-white brides, I have to PAY more b/c it's a "custom" job.

In addition to the practical aspect of all this, I will also say that its rather disheartening to look at image after image of what a "bride" should look like and have none of them look like you.  I would be much happier to be able to see very diverse images of brides and grooms--black, white, asian, lesbian, over 30(!), etc.-- and I think that vendors who are able to show that type of range and are able to do it well will be very successful in drawing in clients who can "see" themselves in that vendor's work. 

@MoneyPenny- I used to live in CA and my mom's best friend is married to a photographer. I just emailed to get their website...as soon as it comes to me I will post it here for you. :) I have always really liked his work. I'm sure he has photographed black people before as there was a girl he did senior pics of right before me. I don't know if he has any of his pics on his website, but I am sure he would be willing to send you some samples of his work and he is hispanic with a darker skin tone, so I am sure he understands your frustration. Sorry I can't relate, but hope I can help! :)

Do you know what I am sick of? All the stinking cake toppers have the wrong color hair! not all of us are blondes with blue eyes. Sorry, that's my 2 cents

I'm white, but FI is Korean...so I understand!!!  When we are photographed together, it sometimes really works.  But with the wrong flash....I become ghastly pale - he becomes a weird dark yellow colour - and the the combo is just bad :(  I finally booked my photographer today, and a big factor was even though they are brand new to wedding photography, they had already photographed a bride and groom with dramatically different skin tones in a beautiful way.

I gave up on interracial cake toppers a while ago, mostly because I could not find WF/AM - especially a WF without blonde hair (my hair has been jet black for years). And don't even get me started about the models portrayed in wedding magazines.  There is nobody that remotely looks like us.  Sometimes there is a token Indian couple, or a WM-AF couple  - but there is little diversity in even these images.  Every Indian wedding I've seen in magazines is far different from the ones my friends have had.  It's frustrating to see that for all the room colour/flower arrangement/invitation design diversity...the wedding industry desperately lacks diversity in terms of the brides and grooms in their layouts.

"she told us she only works on 'light' couples"

-wow.  that's a horrible thing to say!  i wonder how many other people think that...but just don't say it

@ Money- edwardsphotography.com That's the site I told you I would find. You can call for more info if you like what you see.. I am heading to work so I haven't checked it out myself. Just thought I would pass it along for you.

@crebre: I've had that happen to me, in reverse! I speak to people on the phone/email and get to watch their SHOCKED faces when I arrive in person (this goes for vendors & job interviews, too).

I've had a lot of interesting vendor experiences and some outright discrimination from some of the more high-end vendors around. I think the discrimination is more economic than racial; in addition to giving me the once-over, they look at my clothes, my ring, and my car (!) to figure out whether I can pay them.

Here in Dallas, the average bride is quite young, white, and blonde, and vendors keep asking me where my mother is. (?!)

With photography especially, there's a word-of-mouth thing that happens; if a bride has 10 friends/family of marrying age at her wedding, you might end up getting a lot of brides that look alike or are in the same racial/ethnic circles etc.

I really believe that good, high-end photography is the key to seeing more brides of color in major publications, and I think the onus is on brides to be willing to look beyond their comfort zones and (and price points) and also on the photographers to extend their marketing a bit more. As crebre said, many photographers can work well with all skin tones but might not have a chance to show it due to socioeconomic or other factors.

@bamm: I believe the photographer in question was talking about how her metering system only works on light couples; I don't think she said she would only work with light couples (although you could certainly infer that).

That said, a good photographer (or any other vendor) will know how to work with a client of ANY ethnicity. As a photographer myself (and a black person), I think the woman who claims her metering system only works with light clients is astonishingly lazy.

I have had some wonderful experiences with vendors of varying ethnicities, and it's because they are competent professionals, regardless of their race.

So glad to know that I am not alone in my frustration!!

Especially re: the photography issue, since so many people seem to have the same concern about potential photogs, it might benefit them to give discounted rates to brides of color if they don't have any in their portfolio already--similar to the way that photogs trying to break into the wedding market may give lower rates to their first couples to establish their portfolio....

@crebre80 - after writing that suggestion about discounted rates to broaden the portfolio, I actually thought that maybe I didn't quite agree with myself! lol I am sure that it's probably difficult enough to make a living as a pro photog without discounting your rates even more.  But your ideas of increasing the number of shots or something like that may be a great incentive to draw in more couples of color.

@moderndaisy: There are a whole host of reasons, yes blacks typically do have slightly lower rates of marriage, and there might be some socioeconomic factors at work. We are also shut out of "bridal industry" advertising in all sorts of ways that go beyond the scope of this discussion.

However, in larger, diverse metro areas, there are some wonderful high-end photographers doing great work with brides/couples of color. I think it's because there's just a larger pool to choose from.

Honestly, if a photographer is not getting any inquiries from people of different races, it's not their fault. But if you live in an area where you suspect there are people of color who want to pay for good work, you need to be accessible -- "oh well, I never hear from them" is no excuse. You can spend an hour or two with a model & a used wedding dress to expand your portfolio.

If you're a good photographer, you can expose for any client, of any color (the black tux/white dress point is a good one) -- but your multi-ethnic clients may not understand the basics of photography (nor should they be required to) and one photo in your portfolio can make a huge difference.