- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I think you need to try it on and see for real what it looks like. It may not be as bad as you think and you are always your own worst critic, espcially if you are already self concious about it! But in the end, if you want to stay friends with this woman, if she decideds THIS is the dress she wants, suck it up, it is only a few hours. And honestly, not that many people are looking at you anyway! I totally think brides need to be considerate of their bridesmaids but I think when you agree to be a bridesmaid, you have to realize the day is about your friend and hopefully you are close enough to be okay with just dealing with a dress that you don't particularly like.
As a friend, I would wear the dress and deal with it. If it is that much of a problem for you maybe you should graciously step out of the wedding. If she is having other issues about the wedding I wouldn't want to trouble her with body issues. By the way the dress is gorgeous, especially in black! I'm sure you'd look great in it when you try it on. Unfortunately though by agreeing to be in the wedding you did agree to wear a dress, that she picks.
Ditto the others. Try it you never know... and you should let her see you in it too, so if she says she's happy with it, then suck it up, or she might see it not suiting you and work with something else.
@HolyVowels: From what you said, I was expecting something pretty awful, but honestly that looks like it would look fine in the right size with the right underwear. I think it's worth trying it on to see how it looks, but I wouldn't stamp your feet too much about it.
I think it would depend. I'd like to think most of my friends who'd ask me to be in their wedding would consider how I feel about my weight and how I look in dresses. I have tried my best to do the same thing you have with my BMs - I said, here is the color. What fabric do you guys like? What style/length do you guys like? It just so happened that they all liked the same dress, so that's what they got. However, it wasn't because of me saying they HAD to. They range from a size 0/2 to a size 18. I myself am a size 20-ish.
If I was COMPLETELY uncomfortable with how I looked, I can't say that I wouldn't tell the bride, "I love you, but I'm sorry I cannot wear that." Again, it would depend on the friendship and how accomodating the bride is. But I do think there is a certain point I would reach if they weren't open to different styles.
ETA: I would definitely at least try on the dress first, with her present. Most friends don't want others to look or feel like crap in a dress. But you don't know that you'll look bad! The dress isn't so bad.
ETA2: Maybe they can also add a bit of extra fabric to the length if that's a possible hang-up or could make it look worse. I know I would ask for a bit more length and pay the premium for it in that dress. I hate my legs.
As a plus sized woman myself who carries considerable weight in the midsection, I shudder at the thought of having to wear that dress and being extensively photographed. A few years ago, I had to wear a pretty unflattering dress when I was a BM. And I was also the biggest girl of the group. I felt terrible and like the "fat bridesmaid." It sucked, but it was the dress that my friend picked and everyone else seemed happy with it, so I sucked it up and wore it. I didn't love it, but I did it. I think it would be the best idea for you to do the same. But I definitely sympathize with you.
ETA: I should add, that dress is beautiful, and if I was a size 6 or so, I'd love to wear it. But, like you said, just because dresses go up to size 30, doesn't mean they should.
I think you need to try it on, preferably with the bride there to see it. If SHE is comfortable with how you look in it, then I think it's your job as a bridesmaid to just grin and wear it. I'm sure if it looks horrible though, that she'll find another option for you!
I'm sorry you're feeling so uncomfortable with the dress style, but I agree, until you try it on, you can't say for certain how it's going to look. Ultimately, whilst you may not like the way you look in the dress, no one else will probably notice the 'imperfections' you see. BM dresses are just a hard thing to find that are going to fit perfectly and make everyone happy. I have worn many a BM dress that I thought looked horrible on me but it wasn't really my place to say 'hey, I hate this dress!' If the bride liked the way I looked in it, well that was fine because ultimately, it was her wedding pictures and she is the one that is going to have to look at them for the rest of her life.
I would honestly just let it go and wear the dress. Everyone knows that unless it is a mismatching bridal party, the bride always picks the dress so it's not really a reflection on you.
Thanks all for your feedback! The issue was not with the dress itself. I think it's a beautiful dress and at the very least, I will try it on for her. I just do not think it's appropriate for someone of my size. While I am greatful that Alfred Angelo and David's Bridal accomodates sizes up to a size 30, I don't think that every dress SHOULD be worn by me, who just wore a size 22 wedding dress two months ago.
Insert relatable body type picture here:
Okay, I'm going to say that I agree with you, OP. This is because I have been a bridesmaid 4 times and, while I've not liked the dress every time, the WORST is thinking that you might have some sort of wardorbe malfunction. After being sewn into the dress for my sister's wedding, I could not wait to get out of it. I have a good sense of humour, but it was difficult to not cry when I have friends and family making crass jokes and am sewing myself AGAIN into the dress (through a strapless bra) in the bathroom right before I have to MC the damn reception. Everything was awkward; from the photos to actually being able to perform normal bridesmaid duties (how can you adjust the train when bending over is NOT a good idea?). My sister had the best intentions...but yeah.
So, try the dress on. If this is just a case of "I wouldn't buy this for myself" and it's not the most flattering, then suck it up. However, if this is a case of "It doesn't matter what underwear I buy or what I do, this is going to be a shit-show" then show it to her and explain. She should understand.
@HolyVowels: I'm also plus size and I've worn BMs dresses that I felt were less than flatterning, but they were very dear friends. Before saying anything more to the bride, you should try the dress on. You could also talk to the bride about whether or not she'd be ok with you wearing a shrug/bolero/wrap for some additional modesty.
Try it, but have an honest conversation with her once you've tried it on if you're horrendously uncomfortable. It may actually work ok. I'm close to 200 (and thick-waisted) and have a very similar dress that looks kickass on me.
I am with you op, I totally get where you are coming from. I would still see if you can try on the dress. You might be surprised! I would try it on with the bride and see what she thinks since it is her wedding. After what sad is done, it is her wedding. You may have to wear it no matter what.
thats the dress I picked for my bridesmaids!!! and I can tell you I have size 0-18BMs and they all look GREAT! it looks amazing on, I think you should wait till you try it on and you will be surprised! it looks gorgeous on! :)
OMG!! Those are my bridesmaids dresses!! My sister is plus size and weighs around 200 and is around 5'4". I took her with me to try on dresses and wanted to make sure she would be 100% comfortable and let me tell you this dress is so flattering!! The ribbon in the middle gives a great waist and she LOVES it!! Try it on before you decide you hate it!!
Definitely try it on, and see what you and she end up thinking about it. I totally (totally, totally) empathize with you, as I would also never pick that style for myself (pretty sure that my lower abdomen area would be a FUPA-FUBAR in that) -- but you owe it to her to at least try it on and check it out. And...probably to wear it, if she's going to charge ahead with it. Detag yourself in FB pics as needed, or even have a (discreet, gracious) word with the photographer, who does a million of these events and would surely also empathize and shoot you as flatteringly as possible. This is the sort of thing where, if you end up having to wear it and hate it, your graciousness in an odd situation will shine through clearly.
I think you just suck it up and deal with it. I've been a plus sized BM in several weddings and it's sucked. If the bride picked the dress, she's done so knowing your size. At that point, I think you just be gracious and go through with it... you can tell her you feel uncomfortable in the dress - but that's about all you can do. You can certainly step down from being in the wedding, but I'd imagine that would cause more of an issue with the friendship than your pride from wearing the dress. I'm sorry you are going through this. :(
My wedding is in 4 weeks and I have 8 bridesmaids sizes 2-20. It took me weeks and weeks to finalize a dress and I finally chose one based partly on what I want and partly on body. While I knew my plus size BM preferred a-line, I did not choose a-line, but rather a dress that had details in the right places. So while I couldn't get the exact silhouette she wanted, I was sensitive and considerate and allowed her to see dress options beforehand. Just because your friend is getting married doesn't mean she gets to be a bride before a friend. I have had unbelievable family drama surrounding this wedding, to the point where I thought it may not even be possible to put on, and I still didn't lose sight of my friend's sensitivities. You are going to be photographed and I'm sure your friend wants her pictures to look as good as possible. Try on the dress. There may be some minor alterations that are not obvious that could help, as well as the possibility that since her other bridesmaids are family, you may have more dress possiblities. My sister and future sisters-in-law are considered bridesmaids but only the friends are wearing matching dresses. You have plenty of food for thought, but try on the dress and take it step by step from there. While the bride has an obligation as a friend, you also do and it would be a shame to burn a bridge over a one day event.
Today I finally went shopping with my bridesmaids. I have 3 bridesmaids in sizes 10, 12 and 28, a real range of sizes and heights and body types. We went to Davids Bridal and I told them they could pick any dress they wanted, the dresses didn't have to match at all, that they just had to be in the same color. I THOUGHT they would be happy about this. I think my telling them they could all be different had a reverse psychology type of effect. Lo and behold-every one of my bridesmaids chose the same dress, and decided, amongst themselves, that they wanted to match, not only with the dresses, but the wrap, shoes and jewelry. No one is more surprised than I am about this. The dress they chose, was style F14823, and it really did look flattering on all of them. My sister, who is the largest, fit into the 26 a little snuggly, but thinks she can loose a few pounds and get some spanx or something to help it be perfect for her. She is self conscious about her arms and decided to order a wrap to wear over her arms-my other bridesmaids, after seeing her with the wrap, decided it looked very cool, and had to have one as well. So it seems I worried for nothing-it all worked out. They all seem happy with the dress, and I get to have matching bridesmaids after all.
Here is the dress style they chose:F14823
I am plus size (18/20) and I have been in a wedding where I hated the BM dress. It was terribly unflattering and in a lot of the pics it made me look pregnant. It was also strapless and a sweetheart neckline, which did make for a good combination with my large chest, as I was pretty much falling out of it all day. The bra I had to wear with it also didn't offer great support so it dug into me all day. I look pissed in the pictures because I was so uncomfortable...
I feel bad but it was my friend's choice and I wore it because she asked me to. As dreadful as it can be, sometimes you just have to grin and bear it and get through the day. I personally would not want any of my girls to feel that uncomfortable on my wedding day...I would would them to be in something they loved and could move around in, which is why I pretty much let them have free reign when we went shopping for dresses for my own wedding as it was a sore point with me.
Honestly, I think you have nothing to lose by being honest. Yes, you can suck it up and wear it. But if I were you, I would try it on, get a picture, and then, if it isn't flattering, talk to the bride, but don't push it.
If she decides to leave it, then I would drop it and suck it up. But I honestly believe that as a friend she should consider your feelings. So I'd tell her and leave it up to her to decide.
You've got nothing to lose.
@HolyVowels: Hmmm, maybe I'm that bride? I have 6 bridesmaids ranging from size 0-18. I tried to get a dress that would look great on everyone, but no matter what I picked the size 18 BM said it wasn't flattering. So, at the end of the day I went with the dress I fell in love with as I want them to feel good but this is my wedding, and about me. I don't feel bad or selfish about making the final decision. I know I wanted everyone in a matching dress for my pictures. That's just my personal perferance. Another one of the bm had her girls wear whatever dress they wanted and suggested I do that, but um that's her wedding. I just wanted matching dresses for crying out loud and I was okay with speaking up for that. Once the dress came in guess what- she loved it. I don't think it was the dress so much as her fear she wouldn't look good in it. But, um girlfriend is GORGEOUS whether she's an 18, 42, or 2, she just couldn't see that. For visual this is the dress:
@HolyVowels: Being a plus size bride to be and bridesmaid to be I can totally relate. My FSIL who is a very good friend is so supportive. She was picking all these dresses and I was like "dude Im a size 22, that dress one me wont work" So we went shopping, and shopped till I nearly dropped. I tried on every dress that would physically fit so she would get an idea on what would look good and what wouldnt.
I get what others are saying, and yes for a friend you should do a lot to make her happy. Should you go as far as making yourself completely miserable - NO. Even for a 'couple of hours". I know what its like to look back on photos and shudder. Who knows how this dress will look like(though I think I know what it would look like on me and I dont think it would be any good). I totally agree that you should try it on. Though lets be realistic here, Im 99% sure you know what would look good and what doesnt. I think if you are going to be uncomfortable then just because she is a bride and it is her day doesnt mean that she gets to stop considering other ppl and their feelings. Especially a person close enough to be a bridesmaid.
good luck with this. I hope you both find a dress that will make all three maids look awesome!
I don't know if this is possible but... if after you try on the dress and you are still not happy with it, could you order the dress with enough fabric to be altered into a slight aline? Maybe they could make it into a slight aline when they make the dress. Or, maybe you would have to order the dress too way too big so you could get it altered into a slight aline. In the end it would be the same dress but yours would be slightly different to compliment your body type.
ETA: If all else fails, explain to her there is a real possibility of a wardrobe malfunction and it is not just a matter of you not liking the dress.
I'm with whomever else suggested seeing if you could add some sort of bolero, cardigan or wrap. What if they added some sort of sleeve? It would make your dress a little different but as a plus size person I agree that that would be HORRIBLE on me and I would feel like poo on a stick in it (but for me it would be the bottom because that is where I'm largest)
When I got married a few months ago I told the rest of my bridal party, who all had adorable shapes, that I was fitting to the plus size girl and going from there since I did not want her to feel uncomfortable. There was a really pretty and sexy dress they LOVED, as did I, but as plus size girl myself I knew there was no way I'd want to wear that dress and I would not subject my friend to that either.
I want you to know that I almost bought that dress as a dress to change into. It is actually really flattering on. I am a full size 18, bordering on 20, and carry a lot of my weight in my middle section although I do have a full chest, butt and legs as well. It was very flattering on with the rouching and belt. Also the dress is a-line, not full a-line but it definitely is an a-line body shape. I think you definitely need to go try it on and it's not a bad idea to bring your friend to see, or take pictures for her to see. You could also consider ordering it a little big and having the top/bust area taken in, but allowing the rest of the dress to be a little more loose and less fitting. I know it's not an ideal situation but a lot depends on how flexible this bride will be so you don't have much choice really. Sorry!
Been there. Done that. I was in a Malibu colored dress. Chiffon, short, whole 9 yards. I have legs like 1/2 gallon milk jugs, and fat arms. Such is life I suppose right.
I hated it when I tried it on. Hated it when I brought it home. Hated it when I thought about how hot all the other girls were going to look.
Then I fixed my attitude. I believe our bodies and our thoughts on them are self fulfilling prophecies. I rocked some hot heels, had my hair and make up done and I kept telling myself how hot I looked. Well I tell you what. I rocked the hell outta that dress and recieved seriously 100 compliments on how great I looked only to be seconded on the infamous social network popularity contest FB.
So you bring it, all 200lbs of you.
You are as hot as you feel.
Good luck.
Chubby girls for life!
I have to say I disagree with most of these posts, just because it is her wedding doesn't mean she has free reign to be a princess, the whole "it's my day and I should get want I want" thing is the stuff of bratty three year olds.
Try the dress on, if you feel horribly uncomfortable in it then suggest an alternative, it will look much better in her photos if your wearing a dress that fits you well and flatters your shape, I'm sure you can find a different shaped dress in the same colour and fabric, that would look lovely. Particularly if her two sisters are wearing the same dresses.
I suggest being as pro-active as possible, find a style you like in the same colour and fabric and get her to see what it looks like on you. You're there to celebrate her relationship and happiness; if she's a good friend then your comfort will be more important then attaining some weird matching perfection. Be flexible and accommodating but you don't have to just 'suck it up'.
Maybe something like this would work?
What about changing into a different dress after the ceremony? You'll still have to suffer through it for portraits too but at least you could enjoy the reception in something you're more comfortable wearing?
Another option might be finding another option in the same colors/fabric and suggesting that as an alternative. ( http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=bf07b75e-2867-47cb-b384-969542869970&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=0&colorId1= ) That one comes in the same color and adding a sash at the waist would be easy!
If you're close enough to the bride that she chose you as her bridesmaid, she should respect you enough to not force you to feel self-conscious for the duration of her wedding!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 89 |
| beargoose | 54 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 51 |
| Mrs.KMM | 43 |
| akp0702 | 41 |
| ndreighton | 38 |
| BetterSherm | 37 |
| stardustintheeyes | 36 |
| MrsPom | 35 |
| CaliHoya | 35 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| sarahjc0015 | 5 |
| Mashiara | 4 |
| kalliope82 | 3 |
| Mrs.KMM | 2 |
| Heartly | 2 |
| jpalm13 | 2 |
| GroovyHippieChick | 2 |
| raspberry bride | 2 |
 vorpalette |
2 |
| strawbs | 2 |
I've been a bride, but never a bridesmaid. All of my bridesmaids were different sizes and I wanted them to feel comfortable, confident and beautiful. As long as the color and fabric were the same, I had no issue with what the style of the dress looked like. Miraculously, we were able to find one that looked good on a size 2 and a size 28, and everyone was happy.
Fast forward to my first go around as a bridesmaid. I am one of three bridesmaids in my friends wedding. The 2 other bridesmaids and the bride are sisters. They have been blessed with good genetics and obsessive gym habits. I, on the other hand, have not. While I fully intend to shape up for the wedding, I am currently battling some health problems that have slowed down the process.
The bride has chosen a dress that never in my life, even at 120 pounds, would ever consider wearing, due to modesty and style. I have small hips, no butt, skinny legs, but I am considerably bigger on top and through the midsection. I always wear dresses that have some sort of empire waist or A-line to hide my stomach and create the illusion that I have hips. While thankfully this dress is black and has ruching, I don't think it will be forgiving enough.
I have voiced my concerns to my friend that I will not look the same as her sisters in said bridesmaids dress: http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/styles/7123
I have e-mailed AA to ask if they have my size (or close to it) available to try on in store, because there is no way I can buy it without showing her (and myself) what I look like in it. She is convinced that I will look fine in it, but I know that she has no idea what it's like to weigh close to 200 pounds. While Alfred Angelo (and DB's) dresses go up to a size 30, it doesn't mean every dress style should, ya know?
She's had a lot of family drama and pressure surrounding her wedding and I would hate to contribute to that in ANY way. Maybe after she sees me in it, she will change her mind and agree that it is not appropriate for me. She knows that it's something that's bothering me (as I've brought it up multiple times), but has not done anything to ease my fears over it (which I understand is not her job as a bride, but was hoping she would as a friend). I can't imagine she'd even want me in her wedding looking like a disaster... but she has thought in her mind that I will look okay in it.
I have no idea with how to proceed with this situation, except trying the dress on for her and hoping that she realizes what I've been saying all along. If I refuse to buy/wear the dress, should I just tell her that I can't be in the wedding? I know it may sound petty to some, but it's something that has been heavy on my mind.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?