- 3 years ago
Well ladies, my SO and I were simply having a discussion about what the time line for getting married would be so that I can determine what form of BC we are going to use now that the baby is here. Our plan has been to start trying for our second child pretty much right after the wedding. I was only trying to figure out if we are thinking next summer (probably wouldn’t get an IUD) or the summer after (probably would spend the $ on an IUD).
We never even got to the point of figuring out a timeline before he started telling me about the wedding he wants to have. Now most ladies would get excited about this. Unfortunately it wasn’t what I wanted to hear at all!
My SO has been married before. He had a huge wedding which cost them about $25,000 7 years ago. Their happiness was very short lived and I met him when he was gonig through the divorce process. He told me that under no circumstances will he ever have a wedding like that again. He said he hated it then, and he won’t put himself through it again. He said when we get married I can have as many girls as I want but he will not have any groomsmen or a best man because he will not make his friends do that again. He also said that he does not want me to have a bridal shower with his family because they already gave him gifts before. On top of that, he is thinking that our reception will have 20 people or less…oh and photographers are a waste of money so we will not have one of those either. He said he wants a desination wedding with immediate family and thats it.
Well ladies, I couldn’t even speak. I am 31 years old and have never been married before. I love weddings and I have been planning my wedding in my head for as long as I can remember (of course it changes daily, but you know what I mean). I have watched pretty much all of my friends get married and spent the last year helping my best friend plan hers as her MOH. I want a wedding. Not a $25,000 wedding, but a wedding! I want my best friends up there with me and guys to walk with them! I want a reception with both our families (I am very close to his cousins). I don’t care about a bridal shower, but I know my best friend and my mom do! and for the love of GOD I want pictures of it all!!!!!!!!
What upset me most of all is that he was willing (or forced, however you want to look at it) to do it once. It makes me feel like she was better than me and he was willing (or not) to do all that for her, but he won’t do it for me.
Well, like I already said, I totally shut down after he said that to me because I was in complete shock. He asked me what I invision for our day and I couldn’t even speak other than to say, “Well regardless of how your first wedding was, this is my FIRST and LAST wedding, but what does it matter? now that I know how you feel I would never make you miserable on our day.”
The next day I wrote him a long email at work (bad, I know, but I couldn’t wait for him to get home and it felt good to be able to organize my thoughts on paper) about how his comments made me feel. I wrote about how upset it makes me when he talks about everything he did for her that he won’t do for me and how he completely crushed my dreams of my wedding day that I have had since I was little. I said that even though making the 3 of us an official family is the most important thing, we are still on totally different pages. He responded that he has never loved anyone more than me and it has nothing to do with being willind to do something for one person and not the other but financially it makes more sense and he just doesn’t want to put his family through that again. He said that we could talk about it more when he got home…well, we got home and we had a burst pipe and all hell broke loose pretty much for a week. I never even saw him (he came in after I put the baby and myself to bed and he leaves for work early) so I emailed him the next day telling him that we can talk about it when he is ready, but I won’t bring it up.
Now that was over a week ago and he has said NOTHING and I am the idiot who promised not to bring it up. He has probably completely forgotten about it meanwhile I am still very upset about it.
I know I need to bring it up, but what should I even say? Am I being unreasonable for wanting to still have the wedding I want when he has expressed flat out that he will be miserable? How can I do that to the man I love so much? But also how can I give up my dreams? I know this is going to end up being a compromise, but I selfishly don’t want to give up any part of my dream….plus I know my parents have saved for my wedding (now for a LONG time since I am in my 30s lol) and as their only daughter they are looking forward to it just as much as I am.
thanks for reading!
- This topic was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by MrsVC2015.