(Closed) On divorce

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Agreed. Very well put.

Post # 4
Member
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I agree. I think many people divorce because they “fall out of love”, not realizing that love takes work.

Post # 5
Member
46159 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think this is one of those topics that no matter how well intentioned, has the potemtail to blow up.

but unless there is abuse in a marriage I believe too many people divorce because it’s just easier to get out than it is to keep working at it


I think there are many  valid reasons to divorce other than abuse, or maybe it depends on how you define abuse.

Is screwing around with anyone who will have you, abuse?

Is drinking yourself into oblivion and not working and helping to support the family, abuse?

Is using drugs and committing crimes to support your habit, abuse?

I think one of the best lessons we can all learn is “Judge not lest ye also be judged”.

Post # 6
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would say living together takes a heck of a lot of compromise and patience and a lot of people (including myself at one time) have no idea what all a marriage truly involves. TO many people think marriage is a symbol of love; well that a good start but only a start at best it takes a great deal more most of us are not or never ready for.  After my first marriage it took me almost 15 years to be mentally, willing, and totally ready to marry again.  I am 38 married at 21 divorced at 23 (he started doing drugs and we had a baby at that time my life was my child comes first) I have a almost 17 year old son I raised as a single mother and getting married again in a month.  We lived together for 7 years and in that 7 years there were a lot of back and forth with are we really ready for all that a marriage is and it’s definitely not just loving each other, being able to living together, an compromise, for me this time it took me having know I unconditionally love this man, I mean totally, no matter what if things get bad, he changes, one of us 5-10 years from now cheats for any reason WILL I leave or do I unconditionally love him and never want to live without him no matter what? (Messed up to some I know) but a conditions.  It took almost 8 years and 7 of those living together, buying a home, ups and down for me to realize I truly do unconditinaly love this man and see him as my family and family you don’t quite they are family no matter what… OK NOW I am ready for marriage. J

Post # 7
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@julies1949:  100% agree

You have no idea what is going on in a relatonship and why they have decided to get a divorce. They could have been in counseling for 10 years for all you know.

Post # 9
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it is pretty easy as people who aren’t married or married a short time to be all wise about how to make marriage work.  I think it is great to be positive about how much you are willing to work on your love and relationship but honestly, no one knows what the future holds.

Post # 10
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@squeak:  Yes, but you are judging. How do you know what people have done to save their marriage? Or that they aren’t trying hard enough? Most couples I know don’t walk around wearing a sign saying “We are in couseling”.

 

 

Post # 11
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

I think there is definitely some truth to what squeak is saying. It can be easier to walk away than to face the problem, but it would be next to impossible to paint every situation with the same brush – circumstances are just too variable.

SO was previously married. He married young, almost immediately knew it wasn’t the right decision, but went through with it anyway. He tried his hardest to make it work, and ended up a shell of his actual self by the end. It was a mistake and luckily there were no kids involved, but it was still incredibly painful and not something he took lightly.

I don’t really agree with divorce being used as an easy out, but sometimes, it really is the best decision for those involved.

 

 

Post # 12
Member
3617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Agreed.

Post # 14
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I do think some of this is true but at the same time divorce (to me) is not such an evil and awful thing. At some point, two people need to admit that their relationship is not working for whatever reason. I think unhappy marriages can hurt children just as much as divorce. Trying to make it work and fix it for an extended period of time does not make for a happy living situation for anyone.

Post # 15
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@squeak:   But there are too many people taking the easy way out through divorce when their marriage could have lasted if they kept working on it and could have even flourished. This is *all* I’m saying.

How do you know it could have flourished? Being friends with marriage counselors does not give you the inner working of others relationships.

With that aside, even if they do get a divorce, why do you care? Why does it matter to you if other couples dont work hard enough at their marriage?

Post # 16
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think each of us can only speak for ourselves, because I agree that we’ll never know anyone else’s situation. 

FI and I are Catholic and “don’t believe” in divorce for ourselves.  We’re doing a bunch of premarital counseling, have been friends for a decade, and are absolutely honest and frank with one another about everything.  We’re trying to set ourselves up, as best we can, to be married until death do us part.  We are very fortunate and I’m so grateful to have him.

That said, I “do believe” in divorce for other couples or people of different faiths or walks of life or whatever who are unable to reconcile their differences.  I certainly hope no one ever has to divorce, but I would never judge someone else’s choices and relationships based on my life experiences because they’re just not going to match up. 

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