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Aw, that sucks. However, I would just ignore it. Don't confront her, it sounds like she would make MAJOR drama over it. Just let her be heinous and stand aside. I'm sure if the rest of the family already is familiar with her shenanigans, and didn't comment to you about being drunk on your wedding day (which, to be honest, you have every right to be!), then she's just starting trouble. Be the bigger person, I'm sure you were a beautiful bride, and obviously you enjoyed yourself! You can always sneak bleach in her shampoo ;)
I'm sorry she did that-- that's really mean! But I agree with the other girls not to confront her. You aren't close anyway, so it's not like you have to worry about repairing a friendship. Just chalk it up to learning her true colors and let her be.
But if you do decide to say something to her about it, I wouldn't do it anytime this weekend. Even though I'm sure you would be tactful and lady-like, her reaction may not be, and even if you don't do it at the wedding/ reception, you don't want to potentially put a damper on someone else's wedding day/ weekend.
And maybe actions like that are why her and your husband's brother are not engaged yet?
I would probably ignore it. It's possible she was acting out because of jealousy. If she and her guy have been together the longest but she isn't engaged she may have been feeling a little jealous that you guys got married. It doesn't sound as though bringing it up will do anything but create more drama. You don't see her very often, so keep it nice and civil.
I agree with everyone else. Ignore it. You won't see her often, and you'll probably forget about it after a while.
Why did your husband tell you about her routine, anyway?
Thanks ladies.
@jen0farc: I am the type that doesn't like to judge someone until I know them and I told DH that after he had mentioned a few times during the past 2.5 years together that she isn't a nice person and that I shouldn't trust her. Nevertheless, I have never had any problems with her (and we live across the country, so I can't imagine we ever would) so I wanted to include her in our wedding. He told me because it happened and I would have wanted to know. If the situations were reversed, I would have told him.
I feel like since this was my wedding day, any sort of criticism that I would have normally just blown off, really digs deep. I planned the day for a year and it really was the most wonderful day of my life so far. The fact that she mocked me in front of a fairly large group of people just really hurt my feelings. Of all the days, something about my wedding day? If I was "so drunk," my parents who do not drink at all, would have said something. My friends would have said something. I don't even care that she thinks I got too drunk, but it's the fact that I feel she is mocking my wedding, which is so personal to me.
Yes i would say ignore it. If you say anything it could backfire and seem like you are the one causing drama. But i would not make any more efforts to include her in anything. It sounds like she was putting you down to make herself look better or funny or whatever- doesn't matter from what i read it sounds like she isn't worthy any of your time.
Of course, hon, makes total sense. Your husband is a sweetie for defending you!
I totally get why your feelings are hurt --- who makes fun of a bride on her wedding day? Especially in front of a big group of people? Not nice at all. I imagine that if your husband recognized how mean she was being, others in the group did, too.
I know it hurts but I think that confronting her would truly cause more drama and she would probably do or say more hurtful things and you will be even more upset. She just doesn't sound worth it to me!
Try and roll your eyes and just ignore it. And please don't let her ruin your wonderful memories of your wedding!! She doesn't get to do that to you!
Try to shake it off. My family is really mean with jokes in general and I have brothers making unwarranted cracks all the time, which is really rude, but nothing I say is going to stop them from being a$$holes about it.
If I were you, I would probably be a little cold and unfriendly to the gf at the wedding, but not say anything directly. If she wonders why you are cold and distant, she should probably know why, but you won't directly be giving her fodder to make fun of you further.
Curses to family sometimes!
To me it sounds like she might have been a little jealous. Especially if there have been two weddings in the family recently and she's been with her boyfriend longest. I don't think I would say anything about it...You don't want to cause any conflict or anything.
Ignore her. It is so obvious that she is just jealous of you. Did you say she and the brother had been together 6 years and are not married? Yep- sounds like the green-eyed monster to me. For lashing out at you for something that is obviously her personal issue, she should be an object of your pity, not scorn.
I also say ignore it. It hurts to know that they were rude behind your back but confronting them would be totally awkward. And given you don't spend that much time together to begin with, it would be easier to just be the bigger person. Not that what she did wasn't wrong...I mean it was your wedding day!! You weren't a Bridezilla, you were just enjoying yourself--no one should take that away from you!
I wouldn't say anything, but I also wouldn't go out of my way to be nice to her either. Maybe you are just getting to see her true colors & you aren't liking what you are seeing. So long as you can be civil with her for weddings & holidays, things will be fine.
I'm sorry you are going thru this.
first off, so sorry you have to deal with this and HER.
My advice is pretty similiar to the others. Ignore it (or have your DH confront her FOR you ;) though that, too would probably spark more drama). HOWEVER.... since you know she did this once, keep an eye out for such behavior and the NEXT TIME she tries something, tear into her sorry...rear.... seriously, if your BIL isn't going to say anything to her (the one she's dating) or any of the family, when she pulls this crap again, STAND UP to her and let her know you aren't going to stand for such childish behavior. and when you stand up to her, have your hubby there beside you, so it will be a joint family thing.
If one person does it, then you'll more than likely have a following because most people aren't going to have the guts to say something at such a gathering. (generally speaking... me, I'd have NO PROBLEM doing it, but I'm also confrontational. I blame my red hair, lol)
Thanks ladies. I will most likely not say anything to her, but not be friendly towards her. I really wanted to give her a chance. I know this also hurts DH's feelings since her bf was our best man. Even though there were three best men, he was the one to give the speech, etc. Normally this kind of thing wouldn't bother me, but the fact that she was mocking me/ my wedding just strikes me as so blatantly mean.
She has been with her bf the longest and he has said that he will not marry her until she gets a job. She is a substitute teacher and refuses to get a full time teaching job. That is the story we are told. There is probably more to it, but I stay out of it. I just hear this from my DH.
I also hope that the new SIL doesn't feel that way about me too. She has always been nice to me, but she and the GF are friends and the GF was actually a bridesmaid in her wedding earlier this year. Since my DH rarely sees his family, this hurts his feelings to. I think he is planning to talk to his brother (the one dating GF) about what is and is not appropriate behavior towards me, his wife.
hmm, my reaction would be a bit different than yours, but I am known as a somewhat vengeful person when someone insults me.
My scenario would be to wait until you guys are all hanging out again (maybe not this weekend?) and drinking and then say, "Oh ________, do that drunken impersonation of me the night before my wedding, I heard it was just a riot when you did it the first time!"
A. You are not insulting her or stooping down to her level
B. You have let her know in a round about way that YES, you def know what she did on your wedding weekend. Most likely it would make her feel super awkward.
You should probably just ignore me though, cause the whole "ignore her" thing sounds like the more mature and less dramatic option. Ah well, a girl can dream.
I hope you have the strength to just be the better person.. I'm not sure I would be able to. If you do say something to her I would make sure to keep it "nice".
I'm so sorry she was cruel. That is horrible! If I were you I would pretend that she literally doesn't exist... that will let her know that you know what went down but you don't have to be bothered with actually bringing it up.
@ktisthatbees: I really like your response. I am thinking about doing something like this. Ironically, the wedding we will be attending has no sit down dinner, it's just appetizers and will be outside in the midwestern heat with an open bar. If that isn't a recipe for drunkeness, I don't know what is. If she says anything alluding to anyone getting drunk because there isn't enough food, I'm going to make a comment like "Well we should probably warn (bride's name), we wouldn't want anyone imitating and mocking her tomorrow if she does overindulge."
I know that I should be the bigger person and not say anything, but I don't want this to become a habit where it becomes okay for her to take poorly about me behind my back. In any other instance. I wouldn't care, but I put her in the wedding so that she wouldn't feel left out. Her name was in the program.
(I seriously want to drop kick her off my balcony right now). End rant.
@Mrs. Louboutin: Based on the brother being 29 I'm assuming she's in her mid 20s. She's probably a little immature and is someone who likes a little drama and wants to be the center of attention.
The best thing to do with those people is not to engage them. They looove a reaction.
That doesn't mean you have to be friendly to her or not call her out in the future but I think it would be best to not bring up this particular situation unless your faced with it again (ie someone else brings it up). Subtly let her know you're on to her an won't put up with her crap - make sure you have her alone and stay calm.
But saying something snarky to her only reduces you to her level and makes it all very childish (and will probably turn it into more than it needs to be). I hate women that are vindictive for no reason. Ugg - good luck with it!
That is really $hitty behavior and she sounds like a low-life. But I think it's in your best interest to move on from it and from her. You were going out of your way to include her and be nice, now you don't have to. She clearly doesn't respect your friendship and did not appreciate all you did for her and in fact treated you like an enemy. When this happens to me, I am still cordial to the person but I stop trying to talk to them or be nice at all. Usually they get the hint and come around.
What the heck? That's so rude of her to do. Who cares if you over-indulge at YOUR wedding? If ever there's a time that you're entitled to drink a lil bit too much, its on that day. Based on the background, I have to believe that she's at least slightly jealous and immature. I would have a hard time not saying something after the wedding this weekend. But, you should resist the urge. As hard as that is. You don't want to involve yourself in a family drama. If anything, be slightly less friendly. That's a good way to indirectly stick it to her! Lol.
This might be an unpopular opinion, but I would bring it up with her via a mature conversation. If you ignore it, then it might come off as acceptable behavior, but from your posts, it sounds as if your feelings were hurt. I wouldn't want her to reprise this imitation of you year after year (if she's around for that long) especially in front of your family.
What kind of imitations was she doing?
Firstly big hugs.
Now, it sounds to me like she was doing this for laughs and to get a bit of a rise out of you. I used to have a lot of "friends" who would do the same thing to me. Mainly it was because they needed to be centre of attention and I was an easy person to belittle because I wouldn't tell them how hurt I was about it.
I definitely think this needs to be put out in the open - not at the wedding you'll be attending next weekend but rather sooner than later. As you said that you've always been nice to her I imagine that, until now, she's always been nice to you too. Would it be really odd for you to call her and have a frank conversation with her? Or would she be really confused as to why you were calling?
At any rate, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Big hugs again.
I would definitely NOT say anything to her about it (even in an underhanded way, like "I hope no-one imitates the bride the next day").
People will always have their issues. For whatever reason - she felt the need to belittle you. It's not right and, quite frankly, typically stems from jealousy. Be it that she's the unmarried one or what - just shows her character.
I say 'don't say anything' because it'll just give her more to 'grip' about to the other family members. I can just her here "Oh My God - I can't believe Mrs. L can't take a joke, blah blah blah".
Don't worry about what the new wife or anyone else thinks of you, for that matter. They will get to know you for you - not for what this other person thinks of you. Even if she got some laughs out if it - YOU know you weren't inappropriate - and, quite frankly, who of us that drink HAVEN'T had their moments of sloppy drinking on occasion.
From my life experience - it always seems that people with a low self-esteem or ones that have trouble making conversation often revert to mocking other people. Be it for attention or to console herself for not getting married or to make herself seem superior. It doesn't make it right - but it's really not about 'you'.
The reality is - it doesn't sound like you would change one thing you did the entire wedding (drinks or no drinks) and unfortunately you can't change the snarky personality of this girl.
btw, - not sure if you updated it elsewhere - but what happened to DH's little brother's last minute guest?? Did she attend or stay in the hotel?
Continue to conduct yourself with grace, dignity and class just ignore it and her. In all honesty, if I were a guest who witnessed her "impression" after your wedding, I'd think nothing of your over-indulgence and think her to be a classless bore with no manners at all.
...and, CONGRATS on your marriage & your anniversary!
To clarify, the mocking immitation was done without my knowledge in front of DH's family members while DH and I were having brunch with our parents. I didn't find out about it until yesterday. I also have no relationship with this girl. Our communication is only when we see each other. I emailed her pictures one time in the past 3 years and she never responded. She also didn't say thank you for including her in the wedding. The other brother's wife and I have somewhat of a relationship. We email occasionally and talk on the phone ever so often. She is very nice and I have nothing but good things to say about her.
You all are probably right that I shouldn't say anything. I remember hearing once that the only thing worse than being rude is pointing out rudeness in someone else. Nevertheless, I want her to know that I know what she did and that I don't appreciate it. (Sigh). After this weekend, I most likely wont even see her until next year sometime.
You have received a lot of good advice here, but just to say,
Anyone that MOCKS a BRIDE on her WEDDING DAY, looks like the bigger jerk/idiot/immature/whatever no matter what.
She really just sounds like a jealous B*tch to me..
6 years with a guy and no ring? I'd be pissed too!
yeah totally jealous. maybe that you got married before her, maybe you are better looking, maybe you had the dream wedding she wanted.
i wouldnt ignore it. i'd say something short and half joking that embarrasses her "nicely" to put her in her place. maybe something like, yeah be careful (new bride), th gf has a thing about roasting brides on their wedding day, wink wink and just laugh. that shows how petty the girl is, without it being too dramatic. point is, noone should let that go. it's rude what she did and jsut not nice. besides, you are officially part of the family and she isnt. there has to be some respect there.
If it helps at all, I found out 8 months after my wedding that DH's side of the family thought I was plastered at our wedding! One of his cousins comes up to me at a birthday party (we hadn't seen each other since the wedding) and asks me how my hangover was after the wedding. I was like uh... what hangover? I only had one glass of champagne! Then she goes on to tell me oh, our side of the family thought you were so drunk because you were bouncing all over the place. I was just happy! I just married the love of my life! Of course I am going to be bouncy/giddy and whatever else I was feeling. I laughed it off and told her to go set the rest of the cousins straight.
If she is known to cause problems, just blow it off. Don't give her more ammo to bring drama into your life. Be gthe bigger person and let her sink her own ship, so to speak.
I'm guilty of not always being the bigger person and saying something sarcastic back the next time I see someone...
But she sounds like a jealous b*tch who more than likely made herself look really bad in front of your husband's family. It was your wedding day and it was a party! Who is she to make fun of the bride? If your husband said she has a bad reputation, I'm sure no one took her seriously. Again, who makes fun of the bride??
It was very kind of you to include her in your wedding but it sounds like it must have reminded her more that she has no ring yet.
@arousa1979nyc: YES!!! LOVE that idea! Make it sound like a joke to the bride, but she'll know better. also, it's hard to tell what the new bride's family/friends will think when they hear about what she did to you ;) they might decide to wait and then ambush her when she does something like that. one never knows. but have a camera around in case she gets "escorted" out ;)
Wow, that's petty. I think the best thing to remember is that it is pretty tacky for the girlfriend to have done that to THE BRIDE the day after your wedding. My guess is that the other people around also thought it was pretty tacky.
I think you have every right to feel bad but I'm not one for conflict, so I probably wouldn't approach it weeks/months later. This girl seems like a bit of a firecracker, so it might not be smart to get into it with her. I might ask my hubby to say something to his brother-- along the lines that everyone is family and everyone should respect everyone else.
But other than that, I'd let it go. She's the one who looks silly in all of this.
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Today is our one month wedding anniversary. Our wedding was wonderful and our honeymoon was even better. I came home today to find out from my husband that the morning after our wedding while we were at brunch with our parents my DH's brother (the best man)'s girlfriend of 6 years (who I asked to pass out programs and included her name in the program) had a running comedy routine imitating and mocking me from the night before. I over indulged a bit in the champagne at the wedding, (I typically only have a couple drinks at a wedding) but not so much where anyone (even my parents who do not drink at all) commented to me about it. Apparently she was making fun of my "drunken" behavior.
The background behind this. DH has three brothers. DH is the oldest. The one in question is 29 and has been with his live in girlfriend for 6 years. The next one is 28 and was recently married this year. The youngest is 16. They all live two time zones away from us so we don't see them often. I don't really know the girlfriend that well. I only see her when we visit or for weddings, but have always been nice to her and have never given her any reason to not like me (or this is what I think).
DH asked all thee of his brothers to be joint best men. I asked the new wife of one of them to be a reader and for the girlfriend to pass out programs. I invited them to the bridal shower and the bachelorette party, neither of which they came to. This doesn't bother me as we aren't close, they live across the country, and the wife literally had her wedding a few months ago so she was very busy with her own planning.
Needless to say, I am very hurt by this. I don't understand where this came from as I don't know her and did everything I could to include her so that she wasn't the only immediate family member (even though they aren't engaged, I treat her as such as they have been together the longest) sitting in the pews while everyone else had a part in the wedding.
On top of this, we have another family wedding this weekend that DH and I are traveling to (which she will be at... I haven't seen her or anyone from his family since our own wedding). I really want to say something to her, but DH does not think I should since apparently she is known to cause problems. I wouldn't say anything at the wedding, but we will be together all weekend.
I'm not sure what to do. I really thought the wedding drama was over. My feelings are really hurt. I realize that I did over indulge a bit (well for me that is... granted I was still up for brunch with the family at 8 am), particularly after the wedding was over, at the after party, but this is the first anyone has said anything about it.
What should I do?