Post # 1
Today is our one month wedding anniversary. Our wedding was wonderful and our honeymoon was even better. I came home today to find out from my husband that the morning after our wedding while we were at brunch with our parents my DH’s brother (the best man)’s girlfriend of 6 years (who I asked to pass out programs and included her name in the program) had a running comedy routine imitating and mocking me from the night before. I over indulged a bit in the champagne at the wedding, (I typically only have a couple drinks at a wedding) but not so much where anyone (even my parents who do not drink at all) commented to me about it. Apparently she was making fun of my “drunken” behavior.
The background behind this. DH has three brothers. DH is the oldest. The one in question is 29 and has been with his live in girlfriend for 6 years. The next one is 28 and was recently married this year. The youngest is 16. They all live two time zones away from us so we don’t see them often. I don’t really know the girlfriend that well. I only see her when we visit or for weddings, but have always been nice to her and have never given her any reason to not like me (or this is what I think).
DH asked all thee of his brothers to be joint best men. I asked the new wife of one of them to be a reader and for the girlfriend to pass out programs. I invited them to the bridal shower and the bachelorette party, neither of which they came to. This doesn’t bother me as we aren’t close, they live across the country, and the wife literally had her wedding a few months ago so she was very busy with her own planning.
Needless to say, I am very hurt by this. I don’t understand where this came from as I don’t know her and did everything I could to include her so that she wasn’t the only immediate family member (even though they aren’t engaged, I treat her as such as they have been together the longest) sitting in the pews while everyone else had a part in the wedding.
On top of this, we have another family wedding this weekend that DH and I are traveling to (which she will be at… I haven’t seen her or anyone from his family since our own wedding). I really want to say something to her, but DH does not think I should since apparently she is known to cause problems. I wouldn’t say anything at the wedding, but we will be together all weekend.
I’m not sure what to do. I really thought the wedding drama was over. My feelings are really hurt. I realize that I did over indulge a bit (well for me that is… granted I was still up for brunch with the family at 8 am), particularly after the wedding was over, at the after party, but this is the first anyone has said anything about it.
What should I do?
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2010 - MacLean Park
Aw, that sucks. However, I would just ignore it. Don’t confront her, it sounds like she would make MAJOR drama over it. Just let her be heinous and stand aside. I’m sure if the rest of the family already is familiar with her shenanigans, and didn’t comment to you about being drunk on your wedding day (which, to be honest, you have every right to be!), then she’s just starting trouble. Be the bigger person, I’m sure you were a beautiful bride, and obviously you enjoyed yourself! You can always sneak bleach in her shampoo 😉
Post # 4
ignore it hun, you going to her will only cause more drama.
Post # 5
I’m sorry she did that– that’s really mean! But I agree with the other girls not to confront her. You aren’t close anyway, so it’s not like you have to worry about repairing a friendship. Just chalk it up to learning her true colors and let her be.
But if you do decide to say something to her about it, I wouldn’t do it anytime this weekend. Even though I’m sure you would be tactful and lady-like, her reaction may not be, and even if you don’t do it at the wedding/ reception, you don’t want to potentially put a damper on someone else’s wedding day/ weekend.
And maybe actions like that are why her and your husband’s brother are not engaged yet?
Post # 6
I would probably ignore it. It’s possible she was acting out because of jealousy. If she and her guy have been together the longest but she isn’t engaged she may have been feeling a little jealous that you guys got married. It doesn’t sound as though bringing it up will do anything but create more drama. You don’t see her very often, so keep it nice and civil.
Post # 7
I agree with everyone else. Ignore it. You won’t see her often, and you’ll probably forget about it after a while.
Why did your husband tell you about her routine, anyway?
Post # 8
@jen0farc: I am the type that doesn’t like to judge someone until I know them and I told DH that after he had mentioned a few times during the past 2.5 years together that she isn’t a nice person and that I shouldn’t trust her. Nevertheless, I have never had any problems with her (and we live across the country, so I can’t imagine we ever would) so I wanted to include her in our wedding. He told me because it happened and I would have wanted to know. If the situations were reversed, I would have told him.
I feel like since this was my wedding day, any sort of criticism that I would have normally just blown off, really digs deep. I planned the day for a year and it really was the most wonderful day of my life so far. The fact that she mocked me in front of a fairly large group of people just really hurt my feelings. Of all the days, something about my wedding day? If I was “so drunk,” my parents who do not drink at all, would have said something. My friends would have said something. I don’t even care that she thinks I got too drunk, but it’s the fact that I feel she is mocking my wedding, which is so personal to me.
Post # 9
Yes i would say ignore it. If you say anything it could backfire and seem like you are the one causing drama. But i would not make any more efforts to include her in anything. It sounds like she was putting you down to make herself look better or funny or whatever- doesn’t matter from what i read it sounds like she isn’t worthy any of your time.
Post # 10
Of course, hon, makes total sense. Your husband is a sweetie for defending you!
I totally get why your feelings are hurt — who makes fun of a bride on her wedding day? Especially in front of a big group of people? Not nice at all. I imagine that if your husband recognized how mean she was being, others in the group did, too.
I know it hurts but I think that confronting her would truly cause more drama and she would probably do or say more hurtful things and you will be even more upset. She just doesn’t sound worth it to me!
Try and roll your eyes and just ignore it. And please don’t let her ruin your wonderful memories of your wedding!! She doesn’t get to do that to you!
Post # 11
Try to shake it off. My family is really mean with jokes in general and I have brothers making unwarranted cracks all the time, which is really rude, but nothing I say is going to stop them from being a$$holes about it.
If I were you, I would probably be a little cold and unfriendly to the gf at the wedding, but not say anything directly. If she wonders why you are cold and distant, she should probably know why, but you won’t directly be giving her fodder to make fun of you further.
Curses to family sometimes!
Post # 12
To me it sounds like she might have been a little jealous. Especially if there have been two weddings in the family recently and she’s been with her boyfriend longest. I don’t think I would say anything about it…You don’t want to cause any conflict or anything.
Post # 13
Ignore her. It is so obvious that she is just jealous of you. Did you say she and the brother had been together 6 years and are not married? Yep- sounds like the green-eyed monster to me. For lashing out at you for something that is obviously her personal issue, she should be an object of your pity, not scorn.
Post # 14
I also say ignore it. It hurts to know that they were rude behind your back but confronting them would be totally awkward. And given you don’t spend that much time together to begin with, it would be easier to just be the bigger person. Not that what she did wasn’t wrong…I mean it was your wedding day!! You weren’t a Bridezilla, you were just enjoying yourself–no one should take that away from you!
Post # 15
I wouldn’t say anything, but I also wouldn’t go out of my way to be nice to her either. Maybe you are just getting to see her true colors & you aren’t liking what you are seeing. So long as you can be civil with her for weddings & holidays, things will be fine.
I’m sorry you are going thru this.
Post # 16
first off, so sorry you have to deal with this and HER.
My advice is pretty similiar to the others. Ignore it (or have your DH confront her FOR you 😉 though that, too would probably spark more drama). HOWEVER…. since you know she did this once, keep an eye out for such behavior and the NEXT TIME she tries something, tear into her sorry…rear…. seriously, if your BIL isn’t going to say anything to her (the one she’s dating) or any of the family, when she pulls this crap again, STAND UP to her and let her know you aren’t going to stand for such childish behavior. and when you stand up to her, have your hubby there beside you, so it will be a joint family thing.
If one person does it, then you’ll more than likely have a following because most people aren’t going to have the guts to say something at such a gathering. (generally speaking… me, I’d have NO PROBLEM doing it, but I’m also confrontational. I blame my red hair, lol)