(Closed) once a cheat always a cheat?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: once a cheat always a cheat?
    yes : (52 votes)
    48 %
    no : (57 votes)
    52 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    808 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Well, it’s not a great way to start a realationship lol

    If I was the “other” woman, I think I would be so paranoid all the time.

    Post # 4
    Member
    227 posts
    Helper bee

    I don’t think you can make grand statements like “once a cheat, always a cheat.” But in saying that, I will say that it seems to be VERY RARE for someone to only cheat once in my experience/observations. 

    I agree that I’d be super paranoid if I started out as the other woman. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    8013 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I think if someone cheats then there was something wrong with the relationship and it wasn’t fulfilling the cheaters wants (and probably deepdown the person that was cheated on’s wants as well). I don’t think that cheating is ever a good thing to do but I do think the motivations behind cheating are never just because of alcohol/temptation. It is because there are problems in the relationship whether anyone wants to admit to it or not.

    So as long as the new relationship is healthy and strong then I don’t think the cheater will cheat again.

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    7886 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    No. I know a couple of people who cheated on their original spouse, and have been married around 20 years to the person they’re now with. So once someone cheats the relationship is doomed, but it doesn’t (necessarily) mean he or she will do it to their next partner.

    But if they’ve cheated on more than one patner, you’ve got to wonder. I know a serial cheater like that too.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2578 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I think it is an indicator that person can be untrustworthy….

     

    But sometimes people can change. Not always, but sometimes 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    13882 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I voted no based on myself.  We’re all human, and before I was in the postion, I would be weary, but now I try to be more understanding.  I left my ex-bf for my husband, but I can’t fathom ever cheating on my husband.

    Post # 9
    Member
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2004

    I voted no, i dont think one event should determine the way you are going to live for the rest of your life. I do believe that there are some serial cheaters, and they literally have to destroy every relationship they are in. But i also believe that some people use it as an escape. And others quite simply Eff up. Honestly (and dont judge me with those judgy eyes), i have been both the cheater and the cheated on, (in previous BF/GF relationships, not marriage). It doesnt mean that every single relationnship in my whole entire life is going to be doomed based on my past relationships. They just dont compare. And no i havent cheated on my DH and he hasnt cheated on me. Honestly, people are capable of changing. Otherwise everything and everyone would be the same.

    Post # 10
    Member
    12565 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’m torn on this.  Part of me says yes, part of me says no.  Overall, I hope I never have to find out. 

    Post # 11
    Hostess
    7568 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I think a lot of cheaters do so because they have the “grass is greener” syndrome. They may get bored in relationships after the infatuation stage and always think there’s something or someone better out there. This kind of personality is difficult to change, but not impossible. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1497 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I don’t think they’ll cheat in EVERY relationship, but they’ll have to really grow up and realize what they did wrong and know how to not make that mistake again. They have to WANT to be faithful. 

    My dad had affairs in his first two marriages and married the other woman from his second marriage and they’re still married…it’s only been like 7 years though. He got divorced at 7 years in his past two relationships. Seven year itch much? There are definitely people who think he’ll cheat again, but I hope he doesn’t. There are two kids involved (he adopted her kids as their bio dad is abusive and in jail for trying to kill his fourth wife or something).

    Post # 13
    Member
    96 posts
    Worker bee

    No, I don’t believe once a cheater always a cheater. This is waaaaaay to general. Certain men with a history of cheating will probably always be cheaters. You do have to look at the circumstances of why someone cheated.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1755 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I think it depends.  If someone has cheated one time in their life, then it could be a fluke and they won’t again.  On the other hand, if they’ve cheated more than once, I think they’re likely to do so again.  For me it would depend if it’s a one event in their life fluke or a pattern of behavior.

    Post # 15
    Member
    4525 posts
    Honey bee

    Nope. 

    FH used to be “that guy”. Then his mom cheated on his dad and he saw how it affected his whole family (especially his dad). It really opened his eyes to what he was doing, and he grew up. We honestly wouldn’t be together right now if that hadn’t happened. 

    It takes a lot to change someone like that, but it’s not impossible. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    2403 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I think it’s telling of the person’slevel of commitment. People cheat for bigger reasons than wanting someone else (boredum, anger, frustration, lack of sex life, horrible communication, etc). Most committed, mature people would work through growing pains with a counselor or pastor instead of seeking long term relationships with someone else. So, if that person cant handle a bit of friction in one relationship, what makes you think that he could handle it in another? 

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