- 3 years ago
You Bees were so supportive of me last week on my thread.
I’m not sure why I closed it. I think I was just super overwhelmed. I thought I would update.
My now-ex FI, B was supposed to come home today (Wednesday), but instead he came home last Friday, on Halloween. I was not in the mood to go out on Halloween, but my friends dragged me out to a costume party that I had plans to go to.
I came home around midnight and found B sleeping on the couch. He didn’t hear me come in and didn’t wake up. I was a wreck, as I knew I would be when I finally saw him in person; it was as if all the hurt just hit me in the face once again.
I went to bed because I just couldn’t deal with him at that hour. The next morning I woke up to breakfast made by him and he begged me to talk to him. Before that I did not take any of his calls, and last I checked I had 136 missed called from him. I didn’t bother to count how many texts he sent.
I sat and just listened as he was very emotional. He said he never went to dinner with Cindy that night; well, he went to the restaurant but did not have dinner with her. He told her he cannot talk to or see her anymore. He called his boss and asked to be transfered to another division or department in his company, and if he could not be, he would have to look for another job. He had to finish this project that he was out of town for, but he came home on his own to try to talk to me. When he got in Friday, he went to the cell phone dealer and got a new cell phone number, which he showed me. He begged and begged for another chance. He had absolutely no excuses for his actions and swore that they never slept together. He apologized over and over for the comments he said to me about how my jealousy was a turn off. He said he panicked when he said that and as soon as the words came out he knew he made everything worse. I asked what was missing in our relationship to cause him to do this, and he said there was nothing missing, that he just liked the extra attention.
I told him he needed to move out, that his friend S (my best friend’s boyfriend and the guy that introduced us) said he could temporarily stay with him. I told him that I needed time to figure out what I wanted and I gave him back the engagement ring. I didn’t cry as I was all cried out, but he started to although you could tell that he was trying to hold back. I said I was going to my parents and when I came back I wanted him gone. S came over to help him get his stuff together.
I was completely numb as I drove to my parents. I told them everything that happened and this was the first time I had told anyone besides my best friend and her boyfriend. My parents were very supportive and said whatever I need and decide they would support. My dad was much more upset than I thought he would be as he’s usually a man of few words. My dad said he wanted to talk to B in person. I was shocked to hear that and I said I didn’t want him to, but my dad was insistant. My dad got a hold of him and they agreed to meet later that afternoon.
I was a basket case as I sat at my parents while my dad and B met. When my dad came home around 3 hours later, I was not expecting to hear what he told me.
My dad said he told B if there was a sliver of hope for us to be able to work things out, he had to be completely transparent, which B said that he absolutely would be. Then my dad told me that when he and my mom were dating, my dad had a crush on one of his classmates, who was in his study group. He basically admitted to having an emotional affair on my mom. I couldn’t believe this! My mom sat there while he told the story. I always thought of my mom as a very strong woman that never took crap from anyone; I never knew there was a point early in their relationship that there was problems! My dad’s story was very similar to what B told me — they started off as friends and became close as they had school in common. He insisted that was nothing missing from his relationship with my mom. He said he never ever felt the need to become close to anyone else after almost losing my mom.
I was dumbfounded. I asked my mom what made her stay with him. She said it took a very long time for her to build up trust again and there was just something that told her to give him another chance. I asked how she could live like that not knowing what was going on when he wasn’t there and she said she didn’t live in constant fear, that she just knew he was not going to mess up again.
Days later, I still can’t believe my dad admitted to this. It kind of rocked my view of him as I always thought he was this upstanding guy, only to discover he was falliable.
In no way did my dad say to give B another chance, in fact, it was the opposite that said he didn’t think I would. His point was that people aren’t perfect and while what B did was terrible, he thinks B is the type that will not mess up again.
I talked to B over the phone and I said I need time. B had to fly back to his out of town project. When he arrived he asked to Skype, which I reluctantly did. He showed me that he was at a different hotel than the ones his coworkers were still staying at.
I honestly don’t know what to do. As of now, we are broken up. We’ve texted a few times and he came back to town last night. I said I cannot see him yet and he said to just contact him when I want to.
I read all these posts about how Bees or others have given their guys that cheated another chance only to find out that they cheated again. I’d like to think there are cases where it is a one time fuck up and the couple works it out, like in my parents’ case.
My gut is telling me to maybe it could work. Then I start replaying everything in my head and say no way.
I’m just taking things a day at a time. I don’t feel any better than last week.
Thanks for reading.