(Closed) “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” — what do YOU believe??

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think that if someone cheats and doesn’t really understand how that action was hurtful, then yes, I agree with that phrase. I dated a guy for three years who cheated on me and really never apologized for it. There are rumors that he’s cheating on his now-fiance, and I believe that in his case, he will always be a cheater.

However, I don’t think that just because you have cheated in the past means that you are doomed to repeat your mistake. It takes a desire to change and a willingness to admit that you messed up, though.

Post # 4
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@MamaHusky3:People live and learn, I don’t believe the phrase is true. I have never cheated but sometimes I think weird thoughts about my SO being the last man I will EVER have sex with in my entire life. I enjoy him sexually but forever is such a long time:0)

Post # 5
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve cheated in the past, multiple times.  Doesn’t mean I’d ever cheat on my sweetie.  It’s been almost 8 years and I have no desire to cheat!  I’ve also been cheated on and broke up with the guy due to other reasons coupled with the cheating.  The world is not black and white.  I mean, if you were an idiot and stole a lip gloss as a kid am I supposed to assume that you will continue to steal or be untrustworthy when you’re 50?  That’s stupid.  People need to realize that cliches are not very helpful and that life is most often grey…

I don’t think it has to do with underlying reasons, broken phsyce or anything.  Sometimes you just cheat or make another bad decision.  Sometimes you start a new relationship without properly ending the first one.  It happens – it isn’t indicative of anything sometimes (sometimes it is, like with someone that is a sex addict or serial cheater or commitment phobe) except that you’re indecisive and rude.

Post # 6
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

definitely not universal, but it takes A LOT of work to change. the motivations for cheating are also a factor i think.

Post # 7
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

“SOME people never change…”

This is true for cheating, too. Some do, some don’t.

Post # 8
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

On one hand, I think people make mistakes and grow up. After all–we’ve all done stupid shit in the past, right? But it’s the serial cheaters that make me go “once a cheater…” because some people just feel no remorse. Or if you’re like, in your 30’s. I mean, c’mon at that point. i can understand young and stupid. I can’t understand people who continue to do it because it’s in their nature.

Post # 9
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@MamaHusky3: Yes, I’ve cheated. I don’t believe it’s true that I’ll cheat again. When I cheated on my ex-boyfriend, it was because our relationship was already in the dumps and I no longer respected him anymore. I know, the honorable thing to do would have been to break up with him first. That’s not how it happened, and if I could go back in time I’d do that part differently.

But I did break up with him soon after. He never found out about guy I cheated with, who is now my amazing, incredible DH (who is 100x the man my ex was, and who I respect completely). There was no good reason for him to know that I cheated, it was over anyway. I told him it was over because we didn’t share the same goals in life, which was absolutely true… he was a lazy bum with NO goals in life.

@luckyprincess: That’s a great analogy!

Post # 11
Member
3614 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’ve cheated on boyfriends before when I was young and immature. I wouldn’t even think about doing that to DH. People can grow up and change. I would however be more skeptical and less trusting of a past cheater, and I’d understand if someone had the same concerns about me.

Post # 12
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Ive cheated and I am no longer a cheater. Its a horrible thing to do & I was very very immature.

Post # 13
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i dont believe for all people, once a cheater always a cheater because some people are immature or selfish/self serving – hopefully with some life experiences and maturity they will develop to be a more rounded person and that includes being faithful to the person they love

 

Post # 14
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

I totally cheated on someone in a bad relationship, and have been cheated on countless times. I think every situation is different and it really has to do with the person and the reason. Some guys are just players, or in love/lust with someone else. Sometimes, it’s just a poor fit and immature way to deal with the situation- you can totally grow past that.

Post # 15
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My FI was cheating on his girlfriend when we found each other.

But never, for one minute, did I ever think he would cheat on me. And he hasn’t. He’s completely devoted. He cheated on her because they were already done. he couldn’t stand her anymore and just wasn’t up to facing her. It wasn’t the most mature thing, I know, but really that girl was a total psycho and I know why he didn’t want to go through the drama of the breakup (and there was DRAMA)

Post # 16
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think it’s just like any other “crime”…someone who’s got a clean record is a better bet than someone with repeat offenses, even when the repeat offender believes with their whole heart that they’ve changed, they are more likely to recidivate.

A friend of mine has been broken hearted recently b/c her man was seeing someone else…but she started seeing him when she was in a relationship w/ someone else.  They already had a history of values that allowed things that I wouldn’t be able to get past.  My FI was pretty merciless for her sorrows.  His response was “Live by the sword; die by the sword.”

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