Post # 1
but i have a question, ill give you a bit of history first, when i first got together with fishe (aka FI) he was sort of recently out of a divorce and said he didnt want to even think about marriage, as the months went on and we talked about it, he started opening up and admitted that he cared about me enough to consider it, to most recently talking about inviting old friends to our wedding
i keep getting told men with messy divorces dont remarry… so my question is how many of you are engaged to divorcees?
Post # 3
This will be my 3rd marriage and my FI 2nd marriage. He’s more excited than I am about wedding. When I got engaged people made statements all the time about me getting married again and was I really sure “this time”. Life happens and I don’t think most people get married thinking they will get divorced one day. We feel totally blessed that we’ve found each other and have been given another chance at happiness. We don’t look down on marriage itself, we just feel that we didn’t marry the right people and life happened.
Post # 4
well thats good to hear ever since hearing these comments ive been catching myself wondering if he actually wants to be married again, and i dont really want to bring it up with him cause then he will think im paranoid or something :S
Post # 5
I have never been married but my FI has. His divorce was over about 18 years ago now though so while he had a lot of hang-ups for a few years after the divorce, he has worked his way through most of his issues. He still has a few hang-ups related to his divorce but I am sure I would be the same way had I gone through some of the things he did in his first marriage.
Post # 6
My fiance has been married and had a VERY messy divorce but it was that kind of situation where he married young because he thought he was supposed to, and now with me it’s because he wants to get married. So it’s different.
I think it definatley changes his attitude to some things though. But I think that happens with anyone who had a bad breakup. You tend to carry that wariness with you.
Post # 7
Me me! My FI had a messy divorce.. he came out of it saying now he knows what he needs to do to make a marriage work 🙂 He told me that on our third date and I was sold!
Post # 8
I met my FI 2 weeks after his wife walked out on him. He came home to an empty house and a Dear T letter. He swore no more marriages for him after that experience. Then we met, and his whole attitude on marriage changed. I asked why and he said that it’s all about the person (me). Finding the perfect person for him and not wanting to ever let me go. And from day 1 things were different with me than they ever were with his ex wife.
Post # 9
My FI and I have never been married before but my parents were each married before marrying each other (now together 27+ years). My aunt & uncle were each married once before marrying each other. And my FI’s dad is on his 3rd marriage (he just got married 2 years ago for the 3rd time, FI’s mom was his 2nd wife).
Post # 10
My husband was married once before we got married. His divorce was messy (she cheated, etc.), and I think for a while he thought he probably wouldn’t remarry (we started dating several years after he divorced). Like @MissBoston, my husband said he learned a lot from his first marriage, and now knows what he wants, and how to make a marriage work better.
One of my best friends is a guy who recently got divorced (and she was/is a MAJOR psycho!) For months after the divorce he would say he would *never* get married again, but low and behold, with the right girl, his tune is changing! 🙂
I think most people are nervous to repeat activities which hurt them in the past – just takes time to see that its not really repeating an activity, since people are all so different.
Post # 11
My fiance had been divorced for about 10 years when I met him. He went through some very hurtful things in his first marriage which is one reason why our relationship developed very slowly. However, he had worked through a lot of the hurt before I ever met him and does not have any bitterness or bad feelings that leak into our relationship. He is SO excited to marry me and tells me all the time he wishes that he had met me years ago and that he could’ve married me the first time. I think some people might take awhile before they are ready to get married again, but just because someone has been divorced, it does not mean they never re-marry. It’s just a matter of timing and meeting the right person. For me, I took comfort in knowing that my fiance liked being married and even wanted to go to counseling with his ex (she didn’t want to). It made me feel more secure about walking into a serious relationship with someone who is pro-marriage even though he was divorced rather than a man who just wants to play around and never get married.
Post # 12
I think divorce can effect people, even when they’re not in the divorce itself. When FI and I started dating he was totally against marriage. He made comments about how it just doesn’t work and how he never thought it would be appealing. He was 22 at the time and his feelings were based on watching his older brother go through a shot-gun marriage at 18, followed by a very, very messy divorce at 24. It only took a few months for him to realize that the situation his brother had been in was not indicative of marriage as a whole. Luckily I have two happily married sisters and both of our parents are still married.
It took him realizing that I wasn’t going to be a wife like his ex SIL was, and he wouldn’t be a husband like his brother to realize that for us, marriage is very much a good, exciting, wonderful thing. A month after he moved in with me, he (I) broke his neck and we had the worst summer ever. There were a lot of obstacles and a lot of tears that summer but he told me later that the way I had stuck by him, had been willing to help him, and had tried to make the best of everything made him realize he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.
Post # 13
My Fi was married before in his very early 20’s to his HS sweetheart, then she went and got herself addicted to all sorts of drugs and went crazy (literally – padded walls, lock-up, all that jazz) and kicked him out after he dedicated his life to taking care of her in that state.
I’ve been engaged before, but my ex-FI cheated on me 3 months before the wedding.
We both feel we’re right for each other, don’t question marriage whatsoever, and already feel married in our hearts. Both of our parents have been married for 25+ years. We’re just waiting to make it official. 🙂
Post # 14
thanks ladies for all the support, feels good to know that people actually can change after a divorce, i cant imagine how hard it must be though :s
Post # 15
I answered that I’m engaged and I’m a divorcee, because it was the closest to my situation. I’m actually recently married and my last marriage was annulled. So I’m not engaged or a divorcee, but I did feel like I fit that category best.