(Closed) "Once you have kids, you can't do that!"

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
5557 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

While there are lots of things we want to do befire we have kids, it doesn’t mean we can’t or won’t do them when we have kids. I mean, yes, things will be harder to do or require more planning it doesn’t mean they can’t be done. I went out to dinner, went to concert, travelled abroad and did lots of other stuff as a kid, why wouldn’t we be able to do stuff when we have them??

Post # 4
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes, it drives me crazy! Most of our friends have kids so every time I talk about our weekends and the stuff we’re doing, I get that a lot!

I like to workout and run a lot, I always get told ‘Oh you won’t be able to do that once you have a kid’. Um, yes, I will. I’ll get a jogging stroller if I have to.

You won’t get to go on vacations once you have kids. Um, yes, actually I went on a family vacation every year of my life as a child.

Most of it has to do with money, and while I get that I’ll have a lot less ‘me’ money, I’m not planning on sitting in my house and staring at the wall all day when I have kids!

So yes! I will still enjoy life once I have kids!

Post # 5
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I get what they are saying, the experience probably differs when you have someone to be responsible for, but I don’t believe that you “can’t do them”!

Anything is possible 🙂

Post # 6
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2004

Yes, it is so so so annoying when people do that. My mother in law told us to just enjoy each other for a couple of years, and I thought, “why don’t you mind your own effing business lady”. We had already been living together for a year by the time we got married. I got pregnant about 6 months after we were married, completely planned. No one said a word, but it was still annoying that anyone felt the need to voice their opinion on when WE should have kids… ugh. shut up. seriously. haha.

Also, I still get to go on vacation and have fun. Now I just have a sweet little boy who tags along with me 🙂 And I couldn’t be happier. I don’t feel like I’ve given up anything to have kids. Except high heels and size 4 clothes for about a year haha.

Post # 8
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

This is such a weird thing to think that a life changes completely because of parenthood. You are still you and can still do things you want to do, just now there’s another person to consider and a whole new world of other things you can do that you couldn’t or wouldn’t have done before.

Post # 11
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I hate this comment…especially since my FI and I don’t plan on having kids!  AND we’ve been very blunt about that….

FSIL always says “you need to go on a honeymoon because it’s the last time you’ll have a holiday together until…you know (as she looks pointedly at her kids)” 

I find it completely disrespectful since we’ve been very upfront with our CBC lifestyle…we have pets, I work with kids, and FI has no clue about children…..we also really like our childfree lifestyle…

what’s also funny is taht we HAVEN’T EVER gone away on some big vacation…so really, our honeymoon is going to be the FIRST holiday we have together…..

Post # 12
Member
6811 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Well speaking as a parent of a 9 month old, some of it is truth.  The first year of life is hard to do things. You are working around the babies schedule of eating and sleeping.  We went camping not to long ago it was completely different than we normally do. (Our first time with munchkin).  Between only going on small hiking trips due to working around his nap time to making sure he didn’t wake up the whole camp ground when he woke up in the middle of the night hungry.

Your life changes alot, you can definately do things it just takes a lot of planning and try not to be disappointed if the baby decides nope not having it with what you are wanting to do..

Post # 13
Member
2694 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

When kids are little, it is harder to do those things: concerts, restaurant, vacation.  It is just so much more of a hassle.  But you can still take a vacation with a baby.  The first vacation we went on as a family, my son was 4 1/2 months old.  he did great on the plane over (coming back he cried his eyes out so it was a stressfull ride).  We were lucky that we had my fmil to babysit so we could have some couple fun on vacation too but it was not something we did a lot.  

Money is also tighter for most couples when they have children so they probably figure you wont be able to enjoy much of a social life, what with all the extra financial responsibilies you’ll have with kids.

But yeah, kids don’t stop your life.  If anything they add so much more to it.  Just this past Saturday, we just picked up and went to the beach for an overnight family randr…very spontaneous since it wasn’t planned but still so much fun.  

 

Post # 14
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I find it really funny that usually the examples that people give are things we don’t really do anyways. We’re not very spontaneous, we don’t go out a lot, etc. We’re quite boring 😉 I really don’t think we’re going to “miss out” on anything. Sure, our lives are going to be drastically different, but different isn’t synonomous with worse or lacking.

Post # 15
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We get that a lot, but thinking about it, it is only from certain people. People who themselves can’t afford some of these things, but that is money management.

I mean in 5 years together we’ve only been on one far away vacation, so it is not like we would be skipping out on some annual thing, plus we could take the kid(s) with us.

You experience things differently with kids, not necesarrily in a bad way. And if having kids meant sitting at home doing nothing ever again, then I think I would choose not to have them.

Post # 16
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I think you can still do most of the same things – it might just provide a little more planning:)

BIL & SIL just got back from being in Vegas over the weekend for a wedding. Baby niece isn’t quite 6 months old. (They live in the midwest). And it’s not the first time they’ve left her with grandparents or one parent while the other leaves for something.

I think it’s important that the children become a hugely important part of your world….but not your whole world, if that makes sense. Because eventually you do want them to grow and live their own lives – and if you spent all those years living for your children and not keeping a sense of yourself (through hobbies, working out, maintaining friendships, whatever), …well you’re kind of lost once the kids are gone.

And I think it’s great for kids to know that mom and and dad also have an identify beyond just “mom” and “dad”. 

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