Post # 1
I have four bridesmaids in my wedding party and ONE bridesmaid HATES the bridesmaid dresses. And I mean HAAAAAAAAATES it. Every time I talk to her she asks if I’m 100% sure these are the dresses and complains about how bad it looks on her.
The dress is very nice and very simple. It is from a non-bridal shop and is a little black cocktail dress with an empire waist that ties in the back. It matches my own wedding dress beautifully and it is a dress that they can all wear again (it doesn’t LOOK like a bridesmaid dress). The other three bridesmaids love it and are thrilled that it is non-bridesmaidy and the price is right (under $150). The dress is very pretty and once she gets it altered it will fit her perfectly. I’ve even said that I’ll pay for the alterations. Every time she complains about the dress she ends with, "Well, it’s *your* wedding, so I’ll wear whatever…" which I suppose is her way of trying to be nice.
Should I really conisder changing the dresses because of one bridesmaid? I should also mention that she hates everything about my wedding – the theme, the date, the location…she is not a very good bridesmaid. She is family and kicking her out really isn’t an option. What should I do? I don’t want to start a fight over this.
When my brother got married I was a bridesmaid. The dress was picked out by the bride, I bought it, I had it altered to fit me and I wore it. I didn’t particularily like it, but it wasn’t my wedding and the bride really liked this dress. I think I gave it to good will after the wedding. And my brother and his wife had a great wedding and now they are living happily ever after. That’s what I want. Is that too much to ask?
Post # 3
No. Do not consider changing the dress. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with a whiny bridesmaid, but guess what: it *is* your wedding. You get to pick the dress and it sounds like you made a real effort to get something re-wearable and classic. And guess what? Even if you hadn’t, she agreed to be your bridesmaid. That means wearing something you don’t pick out. She can complain about it to whoever, but to you? That’s kind of mean, I think. It sounds like this girl isn’t really on the Bridesmaid Bandwagon…maybe you should just avoid bringing up the dress again with her, if you can!
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2008 - A garden wedding followed by a tented reception on Mr. Hummingbird's father's property.
A lot of people have preconceived notions about weddings should look like. Maybe she’s thrown because she feels the dresses are not bridesmaidy enough?
I know you’re concerned about her reaction, but the thing is that changing what you’ve picked out any time anyone complains is going to be pretty stressful/time consuming/expensive. So, my instinct would be to nicely tell her that this dress is definitively what you’ve decided on for your wedding and you will be happy to pay for the alterations to make sure it fits her beautifully.
Post # 5
I too had a hard time with BM’s dresses. Not because the BM’s were being difficulg (thank goodness), but rather I was trying to find something that would look good on all their body types. Three of my four BM’s are tall, thin and a bit flat chested (sorry, not trying to be offensive to anyone) so they looked amazing in the BCBG dress. Unfortunately my MOH/Sister is shorter and more fullfigured, like me so I felt her pain. I had all 4 of them try on the dress and my sister really did not look flattering in it. I felt bad becuase she told me she felt like a whale in it and her boobs would more than likely fall out, BUT if it’s what I wanted she’d work it out and wear it. I was so grateful for her attitude, but I knew it was really going to make her feel not pretty. So as an alternative, I told her she could go find a style that would make her feel pretty just as long as it went with the color scheme. She was happy to hear that option and I’m glad I didn’t make her wear something she would not like to see herself in when the pictures come back.
If it’s an option, perhaps your BM could go for a different style if she’s your MOH or some other title. Personally I don’t think you need to change all the girls dresses because one of them really don’t like the dress. While I agree that it’s YOUR wedding, at the end of the day, I would want all my girls to feel like they were a part of my special day looking their best. That is simply my opinion though and at the end of the spectrum, you can’t please everyone so if that’s your decision, then stick to it and don’t let her guilt you into doing something you don’t want to.
It’s hard being stuck between a rock and a hard place, but I’m sure it’ll work out and at the end of the day she’s family and you’ll be seeing much of her after the wedding so weigh your decisions very carefully. Best of luck!
Post # 6
My friend had the same exact situation. Well, at least with the dress. one of her bm’s hated it and made it very clear every time she talked to her. My friend just ignored it. When you agree to be a part of someone’s wedding, you KNOW you have to wear a BM dress. Tell her to deal with it. Too bad. When you are trying to choose a dress for several girls, there is bound to be someone who is not happy. But its not about them. At least she gets to wear black! Most girls would love that. Whats funny is my friend and the negative nancy are 2 of my 3 BM’s. They both were difficult trying to find dresses for. So was my sister, of course. So rather than picking one (after SEVERAL attempts at trying to choose one they all liked), I told them to each pick a dress, same color and fabric, and now they are all wearing different ones. ANd everyone is happy. It was either that or have no bridesmaids – because it took so long their dresses are scheduled to be in 2 WEEKS before the wedding. Talk about putting things off! Regardless, its your wedding, and if you chose to put them in a burlap bag, they would have to wear it – thats the agreement you make when you accept a BM position.
Post # 7
This BM isn’t that Maid of Honour and the fact is, the dress looks really nice on her. Yes, it needs to be altered and she needs to wear a bra that isn’t a sports bra – but other than that, it’s great. I thought that I was being nice by choosing a cocktail, non-bridesmaidsy dress for the occasion. Heck, I’m thinking of going out and buying one of the dresses for myself!
Maybe all the other bridesmaid can wear the pretty black dress and the "negative nancy" can wear a burlap sack. 🙂 That would solve all my problems. She can even wear her sports bra under a burlap sack.
Post # 8
I agree, you shouldn’t have to change the dressed because of one person. Having been a bridesmaid three times (four in March,) I understand how frustrating it is to try to make everyone happy. The truth is, you can’t.
Everyone wants to look great on the big day but she needs to realize that it’s your day and ultimately, she will have to put her personal opinions aside for the best of everyone’s interest. Just because she thinks she doesn’t like the dress, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t look good on her.
Post # 9
most definitely do not change the dress for one person!
i’ve had to wear many a dress that werent particularly "my style" but it wasnt my wedding and i kept that tidbit to myself – altho FH had to hear my complaints about it!!
when it came to my turn – i just let Them pick their own dress in the same color and fabric…
GOOD LUCK AND HAPPY PLANNING!!!
Post # 10
If she looks fine then she needs to just wear it. I’ve never had a bridesmaid dress that I would wear again. But the bride had no idea. (Well, except in one. But not because I said anything…it just fit my figure so poorly even after alterations I looked really uncomfortable and distorted)
The only time I’ve ever advised a bridesmaid to say something to the bride was when there were only two bms and the dress would have NEVER fit on my full-figured friend.
And even then I told her to just ask the bride if it was possible to order the material from the designer and have someone local make it given the alterations that would be needed. When the bride called the designer to see if it was possible *the designer* told her that given the bm’s measurements, they would very much suggest a different style. Thank goodness.
I still shake my head over that one.
But this doesn’t seem to be your situation. So just be firm that you DO want this dress and have her buy it as soon as possible so she’ll shut up about it (hopefully).
Post # 11
Does she really want to be a bridesmaid?
you could say something along the lines of, "do you feel obligated to be in the wedding? if so, feel free to say something, because I don’t want to impose on you if you aren’t really feeling the whole ‘bridesmaid’ deal."
Post # 12
Bethgraced: I’ve already said that to her in the beginning. I could say it again, but really, she’s family and I want her involved in my wedding. I just wish she could be more supportive and happier for me. I honestly feel like she is just saying she hates the dress in order to be a pain in the butt. My biggest fear is that she’ll do something on my wedding day to ruin things too. 🙁
Post # 13
Wow- She sounds like she might be a little jealous that someone is getting married?? She dislikes everything about your wedding!? Sounds like a personal issue to me.
I was in 5 weddings last year. Some of the dresses were really cute and some wouldn’t have been my first choice. It’s rude to complain- you should be honored that you were selected to stand next to your friend on her most important day.
The dress you chose sounds very simple and flattering. You haven’t asked her to wear a plunging neckline or a flourescent shade!
I would listen to your other 3 girls, and not even think about changing your dress. It’s your day! Enjoy it.
Post # 14
I echo ginabean. My little sister/BM seems similar to your BM (hates the dress, hates all my wedding ideas). I think that it was easier that she was family to basically say tough sh*t if you want to stand beside me when I’m married you’re wearing this (not to condone bridezilla moments like mine venting on family, but you know what I mean). It’s not the dress, it sounds like it’s her and she wouldn’t like whatever dress she was wearing. If she was anything like my little sister, the moment I went bridezilla on her she dropped her princess act and fell in line.
Post # 15
I’ve found it’s easier to let my maid of honor handle the dress/accessories questions. She’s made it clear to all the bridesmaids that all questions and concerns are to go thru her, and so far, that’s worked out beautifully.
Post # 16
- Wedding: April 2011 - in the woods
Summer2008 – I take it that this bridesmaid has already tried on the dress? Speaking from the first time I was a bridesmaid, the bride chose a dress I absolutely hated…by looking at it on the web. I tried it on and found it to be a little better, but I still wasn’t fond of it at all. It was a cut and color I wouldn’t normally wear by no means, but that’s part of the price you pay for accepting to be a bridesmaid. On the wedding day, though, I was just so excited for the bride and was wrapped up into making her day special that I didn’t really mind wearing the dress. Hopefully your bridesmaid will wear the dress you chose with no more fussing and do her part to make the day about you, not about her.