(Closed) One door closes…. UGH!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

wow…..she seriously sounds psycho! I’m sorry you’re going through this when it should be such a happy time for you and your FI.  I would suggest he get a no contact order against her from the local police.  It makes it illegal for her to contact him in any way phone, email, letter, etc.

Post # 4
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

File a harassment order with the police dept. Not necessarily because you think she will harm you in any way, but because it should embarrass her straight. Can you imagine her face once she opens the door and gets served. What a crazy [email protected]@@H!

His mother on the other hand is going to take some more work. I would keep my distance. She has been in the game a lot longer then you. Let your FI have it out with her. She will forgive him, but she will hold a grudge with you for a long time.

Post # 5
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wow that girl is craaaaazy! Why can’t she leave him alone? It seems, regardless of what she’s tried to do, your FI isn’t paying much attention. It is a sign that he really loves you.  I say don’t worry about what “crazy” does since it doesn’t seem to be working.  Keep loving your man and hire security for your wedding day. LOL.

As for your new MIL.  Maybe as time goes on, she’ll warm up to you.  Try not to stir the pot. Some Mom’s are very protective of their boys.  Try doing something with her that doesn’t involve her son.  Ask her out to lunch or go shopping together?  

Good luck.

 

Post # 6
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

just a warning – make sure ALL your vendors know that ALL changes have to come thru you in person… i can only imagine this woman wanting to do something crazy like cancel your reception ect

when your FI tells his mum not to talk to the nutcase does she listen?  if yes then she obviously knows when her son draws the line so hopefully this will help in choosing your new home

goodluck!

Post # 7
Member
898 posts
Busy bee

Mom’s are so protective of their *little boys*…ugh.

As far as psycho ex’s…I’ve been with FI for almost 3 years and his ex is still emailing and calling. Being “friendly” as she says, but irritating the **** out of me. She’s still friends with his brother, so she knows everything about our relationship.

I’m glad your FI is standing up for you, but I do agree that you may have to take things a step further with a no contact order. And if it doesn’t clear up before the wedding, I would assign some guys to be on the lookout for her in case she shows up.

Post # 8
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Wow she is NUTS!!! Get a no contact order or restraining order ASAP so she is not bothering either of you, especially on your wedding day. This way, if she does try to do anything to ruin your day, all you’ve got to do is call the authorities to take care of it. 

Post # 9
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

So sorry this is happening HB.  But the sitch with the crazy x is of crazy x’s doing and probably has nothing to do with his mom since she told the wacky x that you two were happy.

Now about the house, I know you’re usually out of college by 24 but when I purchased my first home at 27, I had my dad and mom and my then H (I’m divorced) dad and mom both went along with us to check things out since they’d been in the home buying market about 30 years longer than we had been.  And I was glad b/c we got (back in 96) a home worth 240k and quite the sweet financial deal thanks to both sets of parents looking out after us (we totally paid for it ourselves btw) and keeping a close eye on everything going on from the mortgage to the nuances and subtleties of the house down to every crack!

I’m a mom also now and my son is about to turn 11.  You bet your patootie that when it comes time for him to make serious life decisions which will critically affect him financially that I’ll be along for the ride and that his (whoever the lucky girl in the future will be) fiancee at that time (if he is engaged) will have to understand I’m helping not out of control, but out of love and support and because mortgages and even looking for defects in homes is something that is best tackled from a “team” approach with a seasoned pro home buyer along for the ride (me!).

  

Post # 10
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee

Wow.  What a nut job.  I agree with “eloping”.  Safegard your vendors and then after that, just sit back and let this girl make a fool of herself (or rather continue to).

For me, I have learned that becoming indifferent to things like this really makes a huge impact.  The crazy is looking for a rise out of you and your FI.  Right now, she’s getting it – she knows it’s irritating, so she’ll keep going.  I would ask FMIL to just not answer the phone at all when she calls – not even to say Stop.  Try not to let her irritate you.  ( I know that’s hard)  To go to the extreme of documenting calls, or catching her on tape would be a lot of trouble.  You could bluff – go to an atty to have them write a letter saying that you and FI are taking her to court if all the harassment doesn’t stop.

On the mom issue – I think that your FI will have to be the one to say something, but the 2 of you need to be a united front.  Discuss and decide things before it goes to the FMIL.

Best of luck and ((((HUGS)))))

Post # 11
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Wow!   I agree with everything chirico8684 said.

On the mom issue, do your best to take it with a grain of salt.  Her son is getting married, and she’s probably having a hard time letting go.  Maybe try to form a relationship with her.  She’ll let down her guard and start trusting you more.

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Police Report. Do it. Get her out of your life. At least you’ll have legal standing =]. Mom should get a restraining order…verbal included.

Wow. Be safe, you never know if people like this have that mentality of ‘If you can’t have him nobody can’

And invest in a Brinks home security system. It’s amazing, so easy. Mine cost $800 with all the extra doors and windows and crap I  had to secure plus $30 a month to have it police monitored (fire, too, definitely THE way to go. What’s the point in a security system if it doesn’t alert the cops for you, right?) and my home insurance is cheaper. It pays itself off in a few years.

Post # 13
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have been dealing with a crazy, harassing ex for the last 3 1/2 years … it is harder than you think to get a no contact or restraining order. In some areas (like where I live). Unless they physically threaten you, or cause you bodily harm, you have no recourse. I know this because my families attorney looked into it for me. I was basically told by him, and a family friend who is a police detective, that unless I could get him to threaten my safety or strike me in front of witnesses that there was nothing I could do.

I just want you to be prepared in case you are in an area where you get the same answer.

I wouldn’t sweat the FMIL coming house shopping, as long as you and FH agree that he opinion is “nice to have” but will NOT be a deciding factor in the home. If you both love it and she doesn’t TOO DAMN BAD!

Post # 14
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

I have my own psycho ex.

You know how most jealous exes will badmouth your FI and then be done with it? Well PSYCHO exes don’t even acknowledge that the FI exists. And that is what my crazy ass ex does.

Seriously, 7 or 8 months into my relationship with FI, crazy ex drunk dials me and leaves me a message asking “when are we going to stop ‘seeing other people’ and get back together”

I did not leave crazy ex to ‘see other people’. I left crazy ex because he was stalking the woman he dated before me. I made it clear it was over but crazy is crazy…

Around this same time, psycho decides to have an entire seasons worth of game tickets to see his favorite team mailed to his name at my house (he had never lived there). I had my BFF contact him and mail them back to him. He told my friend that “it was a mistake at Ticketmaster”  WHAAAT!?

I haven’t heard from him since. Luckily he lives over an hour away and doesnt have a car or money to rent one. One of my girl friends lives in his town and always sees him drinking at this one bar.

Post # 15
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

Agreeing w/ Ms. Mini… It is hard to get a no contact order. I tried to with my crazy ex and they told me the same thing Ms Mini was told.

Post # 16
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Oh my goodness!  I’m so sorry this is happening.  Praying it will all turn out ok.  I definitely agree with telling your vendors that everything must come through you in person… heaven forbid she found out your venders and changed everything on you!! 

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