Post # 1
Hi I am wondering how to send out invitations and Save the Dates for my destination wedding. My family doesnt really care about proper etiquette and I dont so much either, so I am just looking for opinions. I was planning on sending out 1 per family, but I keep reading how an invitation should be sent to every adult over 18. We have 15 adult cousins who fall into this category, but I was wondering if I should still just send one invitation per family since they will most likely travel to Florida from NY as a family, and we are not inviting guests with any of these adult cousins? Our invites are also pretty expensive about $6 each and the Save the Dates $3 each, but I dont want to be rude of course by not sending them each their own invitation. 5 of the cousins are my bridesmaids, by the way. I just wasnt sure if it would it look silly or cheap if we sent each their own invitation, and then put 1 seat has been reserved in your honor since were not including guests. We just dont have enough space or budget for them all to bring a guest, no one is in a serious relationship anyways, and they are traveling accross the country with their family anyways! Any opinions for me? Any difference for Save the Dates and actual invitations? Thanks for your help!
Post # 3
If the children over 18 still live at home/are in college I think sending one invitation to their parents is fine. If they have their own place I would send them a separate invitation/save the date.
Post # 4
It is rude not to send adults (18+) their own invitation, even if they live at home.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2010 - Anela Garden Chapel & Japanese Cultural Center, Honolulu
i think it really just depends on your family. i only sent one invite per family (living under one roof), regardless of child-ages, and while my side didn’t care at all, Mr. Sew’s side was very confused about whether their children were invited or not. So we sent out a mass email and it was totally not cool. lol. i had no idea they were such etiquette-sticklers, but still my fault.
if you think your family will understand, by all means, i think you can save your money. if not, it might be worth the cost to avoid the confusion/breach of etiquette.
Post # 6
If they all live under one roof, I sent one invite. If they have a place of their own, I sent them theirs separately.
Post # 7
Yes, this is tricky. For the most part, we are sending everyone their own invitation – even if they still live with their parents, and are single and no guest. BUT- we are sending one invite to the family for the cousins that may be over 18, yet still in school/living with parents.
So for the 27 y.o. family member still living with parents but has a job, etc – gets own invitation in the mail (2 sent to same house)
But the 21 y.o. family member still living with parents but is still in college – will be included in the one family invitation (1 sent to same house)
Post # 8
Oh i wanted to add that the 21 y.o. also has a 17 y.o. sister – so we didn’t want him to get his own invite and not her. So we will be sending 1 invite for the entire family.
Post # 9
Just want to put my two cents in… if someone sent my parents an invitation that included me (I’m 20 and still in school, but have my own apartment) and not me an individual invitation, it would put me in a hard place. My parents don’t “get” wedding etiquette, and would likely think my fiance was automatically invited even if he wasn’t listed. They wouldn’t show me the invitation and I would have a hard time finding out registry info, etc. I don’t go to their house nearly enough to be able to catch them before they threw it away.
I know it’s easy to think of your family as simply a family, but at a certain age your cousins are adults. If you expect them to act as such (i.e., follow the etiquette to not bring uninvited guests, etc) then you need to treat them as such.
Post # 10
I think you could probably send one Save the Date per family, but send the kids their own invitations if they are over 18.
Post # 11
It depends on the family. I have a few cousins that fall into this category. We sent one invite to each family. I only had one aunt complain that we should have sent one to my cousin because she likes to get mail! The other’s didn’t care and honestly I don’t think my cousin cared either just my aunt. And to be honest my aunt complained about other things regarding my wedding (destination wedding, not being invited to all wedding events even the ones that were no adults, having to buy a new dress to wear, etc.) So I got over it because some people are just unhappy people and I think it’s silly to send them an invitation when they don’t work, live for free as if they were still under the age 18.
Post # 12
lilyfaith – I totally understand where you are coming from. But my cousin lives at home while going to school. If he had his own apartment, then I would definitely send his own invitation. Plus, we are in a similar situation as Marissa1986, where the whole family will travel together to attend our wedding, so he does not need to know the details himself per se, since he will just tag along with the rest of the family. I hope that makes sense!
Post # 13
@808mjm202 – oh, I understand that. I was just replying to the OP who said she has 15 adult cousins – I highly doubt all 15 of them still live with their parents, although I could be wrong. I think there’s a lot more leeway when everyone is under one roof.
Post # 14
We have a couple that are adults that still live with their parents or who are kind of hard to pin down address-wise – so we’re sending them to their parents.
I think if your cousins are the type that are at their parents house every other weekend for lunch (or live in the same neighborhood) then it’s fine to just send it to them but if they’ve been on their own for years and live in a different area of town then you probably should send them their own.
Post # 15
Yea, we just followed the rule that if the adult lives on their own, they got their own invite. It worked for us because a lot of cousins were still at home. I hope your 15 cousins aren’t all living on their own, that won’t help you decrease your costs!
Post # 16
If they live under the same roof, I think it’s fine to send them all one invite. It’s probably not “proper etiquette” but it’s by far NOT rude IMO. I think you just have to consider each situation independently. Fiance has 25, 28 year-old male cousins who still live at home. They act like they’re 15, so I sent the family just one invitation, lol… that’s not breaking the rule, is it?? They don’t know any better and they are definitely not offended by me doing that.