one of my best friends not supportive of wedding

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

No, don’t avoid it, hit it head on. Tell her that you’ve been friends for most of your lives and you value her as a friend, but you are marrying this man. What you went through in the beginning is a thing of the past and you forgave him and it’s time she did too. Becoming an adult means changes in friendships, that is totally normal, but a good friend will roll with the changes and keep making the effort to stay connected. Even if that doesn’t mean as closely connected as before. Holding grudges hurts no one but the person holding them. She’s putting all of this stress and anxiety on herself and she needs to let it go and live for today. I hope you two can work it out!!!

Post # 4
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I think it depends on the situation…if he beat you up or cheated on you, gave you an STD and got another girl pregnant and you forgave him then I can understand your friend’s disapproval of your relationship. As a true friend it is hard to sit around and watch someone you care about make bad decisions. So you may end up having to choose between your SO and your BF. If the situation is not as extreme as the scenario I described above then try having a convo with your BF to see if she can “try” and respect your relationship and be happy for you…if she can’t then you either have to accept and respect her feelings or distance yourself and your friendship…..

Post # 6
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

@cadi12345:  

Ummm I see why your friend disapproves…talk to her and respect her feelings.

Post # 7
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@cadi12345:  I think it’s right for a friend to be concerned for your if your SO really hurt you. However, it also looks like you and your FI worked through what he did, and even though he wronged you, if he’s turned and been amazing for the last 4 years, your friend should support you two as a unit and also forgive him. I’ve been on both sides. When I was the unsupportive friend (I disliked a girl’s BF for taking her away from all of us), I ended up losing the friend. And when two of my friends weren’t supportive of me – because in the beginning my FI was super clueless and said a lot of insensitive things – I lost touch with those unsupportive friends. My besties stuck it through and as FI improved, they also started liking him more. If your FI has truly improved, your friend should be giving him a chance. If she does not acknowledge him as part of your life, then unfortunately she’s not really a true friend no matter how awesome the friendship used to be. 

Post # 8
Member
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

this was 4 years ago….i get that she would have dissaproved at first,but she needs to get over it.

I had a friend who didn’t like my FI. it was because of some stupid comment my FI made about apple products (she loves them- he doesn’t). because of APPLE! she stopped being friends with him even though he appologized. She stopped talking to me completely. About 1 year later, she appologized, but I told her it upset me too much that she’d be willing to throw away a friendship because she didn’t like FI and it showed where her priorities are.

There have been many times when I haven’t likes my friends partners, but I brush it off and forget about it because I love my friends……

Post # 9
Member
1234 posts
Bumble bee

Let me get this straight, she’s pissed at him for getting COFFEE with an ex FOUR YEARS AGO? Good grief, this chick needs to LET IT GO. And if it were my friend I’d straight up tell her that, especially if she were a close enough friend that I wanted her to be in my bridal party at one point. I could understand if he abused you or actually cheated on you or something, but c’mon, this is ridiculous. Tell her she needs to get over this and move on cause you sure have. No need to tiptoe around her because he is going to be a part of your daily life. No matter how much you try to avoid it, they will probably come into contact if you spend any significant amount of time with her.

Post # 11
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Unfortunately some friends come in seasons. Maybe one day she’ll be able to get past it or maybe she won’t but you did the right thing in talking to her…she’s made her choice and all you can do is respect it and move on…

Post # 12
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

I can relate a little bit to that, but the other way around. I really don’t like my best friend’s SO. I was not happy when they decided to have a kid together. I’ve not been extremely supportive, but I was not avoiding her either. I tried to be a good friend to her and to focus on HER, but I was extremely worried when she announced she was pregnant. Because well, he already didn’t help her around the house, I figured he wouldn’t really change after the baby (and I was right). He is very annoying and controlling (once we went shopping for a few hours, we hadn’t seen each other for over 4 months and I tell you, he called at least 15 times to know where she was, when she was getting back home). After the baby was born, I called to talk to her and have some news, he was apparently jealous so after 5 minutes, he poured water over the baby’s head (she saw him !). So the baby who was sleeping, started crying like hell. Of course, it disturbed my friend so she hung up to take care of the baby. Her SO also talks to her like shit sometimes, he can have a very bad language and he curses at her. And I’ve seen him doing that personnally.

Whenever I talked to her about my discomfort of the situation, she laughes it off saying that’s the way his parents talk to each other, so no big deal. 

Now, I’m not saying that your SO is a horrible person, but I can understand being in your friend’s shoes and seeing (in the past) things that bothered her and that influence how she perceives him even after you forgave him. It’s very hard for me to like my best friend’s baby’s daddy. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it and frankly, I don’t even feel like trying. I will be there for her, yes. But I will never encourage her to stay with him if she ever starts doubting.

Post # 13
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@cadi12345:  Unfortunately, she is just very very wrong here. As a friend, she should express her disapproval once maybe twice and then move on and support YOU, as her friend. Perhaps there’s more to the story, I get the feeling there might be bad feelings bw her and you FI in regards to her friend/your FI’s ex, too. But, this is her choice and there isn’t much you can do. At this point, I would probably make a last one-ditch effort and send her an email explaining how you feel, how you don’t want to lose her, how she’s wrong for how she’s acting and how you wish she would be by your side for this, but if she can’t be there for you for this, then you don’t want her in your life at all. You can come here after you write it and ask us what we think and we can help you write it in a way that’s nonconfrontational, but firm.

Post # 14
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

@cadi12345:  This is unacceptable though. You might not like someone but it’s no reason to diss them in public, especially in front of their SO. Do you feel this can be worked on between you and your friend ? Maybe having an open conversation about it. I mean, you are entitled to be respected for the choices you make and that comes with her, wether or not she approves, remaining polite. Maybe they’ll never get along, but for your sake she should at least keep it civilized with you both.

Post # 15
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I disagree with futuremrsk18….you should not tell you friend she’s “wrong” for feeling the way she does, you’ll be underming her feelings which may make the situation worse. You CAN tell her how YOU feel. She can choose to deal with it or not, but from what you have already explained she has already made her choice.

Post # 16
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@cadi12345:  Sorry this is happening to you!

I have a friend with a “fiance” (I put it in quotes since I’m 99% sure they’re not actually going to get married). I HATE her “FI”. HATE him. Every time she mentions him I die a little on the inside.

But I’ve never told her, and I never will! Unless she asks me. So I’m sorry your friend is being loud in her dislike!

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors