Post # 1
is that neither of us will be able to live with my OCD.
It’s getting worse as I get older – I’m 29 now, and I don’t like to live in a house where people move things after I put them down.
I know. Get real, right?
But that’s simply how it goes.
I don’t freak – I don’t go nuts, I just start to get uncomfortable.
Nick’s pretty used to this – he tends to let me put things where I want to, as he is going to call me to find things anyway, might as well have it be in a place that makes sense to me.
So I know he’s a wonderful man already.
But what’s it going to be like on the day to day of living together?
He puts things on the kitchen counters!
We compromised and I got him a bowl to do the ‘pocket dump’ in – but even that just glares at me from across the room (but we compromised so I’m not backing down or changing it, it’ll work for us eventually).
Married ladies, ladies living with their men, what is the hardest thing – other than the general relationship stuff (expectations heading in, money, normal worries, etc) for you about living with another adult human being?
Should I invest in a Zoloft salt lick now or wait until after the wedding? ;p
Post # 3
Are you actually OCD? Or just saying that? B/c i say I’m OCD about things, but only b/c I know that it’s how I am. I’m not actually an OCD person. If i was, well, i’d probably go see a doctor. I’ve seen it ruin some peoples lives.
That being said, sharing a bathroom is the part I have to get used to. We don’t do things with the door open and I don’t it while he’s in the shower, etc. We sort of have expectations of privacy when it comes to doing your daily business. To me, it’s unromantic and it always grossed me out that my parents were all so okay with it all. We’re both like, “I don’t need to see/hear/smell that” so while it’s somewhat inconvenient, we DO have a second bathroom right next to it. Other than that, scheduling is different. I can’t just sleep in and get up and turn the lights on, I have to be considerate not to just wake him up and stuff.
Otherwise, not really a big deal! Very minor stuff.
Post # 4
I’m sure it’ll be tough at first, but maybe living with someone who understands and supports and loves you will help you feel less uncomfortable. And if you’re not already seeing someone, maybe you can try that before you invest in the salt lick.
Toughest part of living together? When I just want to be left alone for a little. I can’t convince him that this doesn’t mean I’m upset or mad at him. He usually wants to hang out or at least be in the same room, even if we’re doing different stuff. Also sharing food. I didn’t realize how much he eats.
Post # 5
Lish- we got a two door cabinet that sits on the wall right near the front door. Then I got him a basket for the pocket dump and we put it inside one of the doors of the cabinet. I don’t even have to open his side of it, and my side is organized and tidy just the way I like it.
I just never open the door to his side of the cabinet, but he obliges me by putting his stuff in it’s home.
This is not the exact one, but it’s very similar.
Post # 6
if you really are OCD, i agree with ejs4y8, you may want to see a doctor. sometimes people don’t understand that “mental” things can be partly “chemical” things, so don’t be shy if you think there’s an issue!
in case you were using the term a little lightly (i do too), i was super uptight when my boyfriend moved in. i would constantly tidy up and clean and it drove me crazy to have clutter. 2 years later, i have gradually learned to let go (altho not w/o our share of fights and struggles) and i’m way better with things not being perfectly tidy. and that’s ok with me. i don’t feel like i’ve lost anything–i was probably too possessive of my space to begin with.
Post # 7
I agree with seeing someone about this (if you already haven’t). Maybe they’ll be able to help you work on things and make it more managable for you once you two move in together. Does your FI know this is an issue for you? As long as it’s not a HUGE surprise for him, I’m thinking he’ll be ok with it – he loves you afterall.
Post # 8
When you say you have OCD do you mean that it annoys you when things are put down in the wrong place, or is it that it is that you get anxious and worried if this happens. I second the idea that you should see your doctor to establish if you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. They may suggest talking to somebody as opposed to medication. Cognitive behavioural therapy can be very useful for people with clinical OCD. Christine Padesky’s Mind Over Mood can be a useful introduction and self help tool.
Post # 9
I am very much OCD. Diagnosed, medicated and with 2 trained psycho/psychiatrists.
Luckily for me, my relationship is really honest – lol, sometimes brutally so, and this has been something we’ve talked about for a while.
I am not quite to the Howard Hughes stage, but I’m very picky about some things – leaving a clock countdown on the microwave, dirty bathrooms/kitchens, drinking or eating anything after an expiration date, not eating leftovers at all/ever, hand sanitizer, etc.
I have a 12 year old, so I think that’s helped keep it from spiraling – she tends to think I’m funny.
I do like the idea of a cabinet like that – I wonder how long it would take me to talk him into using it. Lol, maybe we can do it slowly. Set the bowl on top of the cabinet… slowly work it INTO the cabinet.
I just really don’t like clutter. Tend to keep things fairly streamlined.
And I’m so on board with the bathroom privacy bit… I never understood losing that particular intimacy.
It definitely couldn’t help the sexiness factor in a marriage, which takes enough of a hit all by itself over time.
Lol, I already have to clean his dirty clothes, I don’t want to have to listen to him PEE too. Ick.
Post # 10
The lack of dates. You’re around each other all the time so in a guys mind it seems you are constantly on a date, ya know.
I don’t have a lot of issues living with my FI but I’m pretty sure he probably does!
He likes to squeez the toothpaste from the bottom up whereas I squeez in the middle because I have smaller hands and I just can’t squeeze and apply at the same time. We have our own toothpaste!
I’m forgetful. I’ll cook supper, serve it but then I forget to put it away. It seriously never crosses my mind. I’m really bad at putting things where they belong; I pocket dump in several places but at least it’s not just anywhere.
Go to the doctor if this is affecting you too much but I just wanted to say kudos to you for recognizing this and being able to admit to it…not a lot of people can do that 🙂
Post # 11
I get very anxious when things aren’t ‘right.’
Having things in a place that doesn’t make sense to me exacerbates that, so I like things to stay where I put them.
Having things moved makes me feel ‘watched’ which is a little crazy and something I’ve been working on for a while.
All of that adds to chronic insomnia, which doesn’t help.
it’s sort of a merry-go-round.
I tend to stay awake until I’m the last one awake. Then everything is as I expect it to be. When I wake up, I’m generally the last one, due to the falling asleep an hour before I’m SUPPOSED to get up, and everything is moved, so I rush around and try to fix it.
It’s kind of embarrassing to talk about – not something I’ve gotten used to yet – and it’s been 3 years since my diagnosis.
Still, it’s a plus.
Before that, I just thought I was plain ole crazy, even though most of my family is diagnosed with some form of chemically imbalanced behaviors/health problems.
Post # 12
don’t feel at all!! i like towels folded a certain away in the closet and i hate certain things that he does so he has let me do it my way because he has figured out that if he does it it will be redone lol (we’re not married just living together). as far as the bathroom, i close the door when he’s in there and i peak in at him in the shower (i just think he’s sexy though and perhaps i’m voyeuristic (sp?) lol he always laughs at me and splashes my face. i think that as long as he knows you and you established routine you will be fine. you also have to recognize when your OCD may be becoming more uncontrollable and perhaps seek help from your doctors (i’m not a doctor or anything like that), but it’s what i do when i have flare-ups from my depression “episodes”.
Post # 13
Wow that must be hard, the OCD thing. I have two people (father and sister) in my family who are borderline. They obsess about checking things, especially when leaving the house/office. Locked the door, shut the door, dog is not outside, dog is not in garage, didn’t leave lights on, did leave fridge door open, etc. I have been in the car with my father leaving for a trip, and he has returned to the house 4 times after driving at least a mile away to check things. My sister used to be late to school because she kept going back to check things.
I can tell you, they’re both married and their partners (my mother and brother-in-law) handle them really well. They seem to get exasperated but in an affectionate way!
The toughest part of moving in with my (then) boyfriend was having to defend my eating habits constantly. I still have to after 3.5 years of living together. My FI is a very disciplined (to a fault) guy and basically never snacks. He also believes that meals happen at certain times and have certain perameters and MUST be eaten at the dining table.
I, much to his distress, grew up with my borderline OCD dad cooking all my meals. He took FOREVER to cook and HATED eating a seated meal. I got used to eating dinner at all different times of day, having the different componants seperately (first some veggies, then some meat an hour later, then maybe a potatoe before bed), foraging for food sometimes when I had to, and not eating at the table (feels way to formal to me! The table is for throwing my coat, books, crap on!). I don’t snack constantly, but I like to pour a little sometihng in a bowl and munch on it while reading or watching tv.
My FI and I have had to compromise, and we get in fights still over this. We usually eat dinner at the table now. But he has also gotten better at not giving me a bunch of crap when I want to buy some Cheez-Its or whatever.
Post # 14
Nick and I do have problems with food. He’s very disciplined too – doesn’t necessarily understand why eating dishes that have different types of food touching is so hard for me.
I’m working on that – jambalaya was a huge victory for me – and a timely one, considering he’s from the Baton Rouge area!
But he hates it if I have a soda, hates it if I eat something he considers unhealthy… so when he wants to show me he loves me or he’s sorry, instead of buying flowers he buys root beer! lol.
Ah, the checking things. Yeah. That’s fun. I’ve got a routine that I’m pretty strict about so that took care of a lot of that – I’m not fun off of it.
It’s not difficult to me to deal with it. I mean, when things aren’t ‘right’ it’s stressful, but everyone always has a type of stress. I’m lucky that things are mostly in my head, and very few of my problems are Real.
But I would imagine that it will stress him out a bit and hope that he understands in the long run that I’m really just nuts.
Post # 15
Lish, it sounds like you have a great guy. I wish you both the best and I know you’ll do great. Maybe a couple books about living with OCD and a therapist would help?
Post # 16
Would you consider hiring someone to take care of some fo the clutter before you see it? Just so that you KNOW when you get home on, say, a Wednesday niight, the house will be cleaned? Not sure if that’s a viable option for you.
Now that I know you are clinically OCD, I can see your definite concern. Sounds like your guy is very understanding though! I think it’s great that you’re trying to be preventive and hit it head on!