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Really?!? Yes, really. Apparently the fact that we are Facebook friends wasn't enough deterrent to keep her from complaining in her status about the cost of hotel rooms for our destination wedding.
Stuff in the area is expensive. She knew that when she practically begged me to be a bridesmaid. I have reserved a block of rooms at a significant discount, but apparently that's not good enough. She's shopping outside the block to find a better price. Fine, but now that she's put it on FB, we look like inconsiderate a-holes even though we did what we could to get people a decent price.
Not to mention the fact that she is FB friends with other guests we invited. She is going to scare them away!
Thanks for listening. . .
oh no! ((((( HUGS )))))) so sorry to hear that...thats not cool. why would she do such a thing?
That's not cool! Do you think you should talk to her about it so you can resolve any issues she's having? Maybe she'll remove her fb post if she knows it bothers you.
Are you serious? I'm sorry, but that's just dumb of her to do. :(
This is her status:
"Trying to find a hotel in Sonoma for a wedding that isn't $200 a night. Ugh!"
But everyone knows whose wedding it is. I just mailed my invitations this week. And our hotel block is actually under $200. If people see the BM complaining about it already, they aren't going to want to come. Plus, this is the very beginning of "crunch time" as far as I am concerned. Is she going to complain about all aspects of the wedding on FB?
Am I overreacting?
Are you sure it wasn't just a comment like "OMG, I can't beleive how expensive rooms are for my freinds wedding?" Maybe she didn't realize how expensive it would be and she is just in shock. I wouldn't fault her for trying to find something less expensive if it fits more with her budget. If I was a guest at your wedding, I would not be offended by her comment, if that is what it was. I would either stay in the block of rooms you have reserver, or if it wasn't in my budget either, I would find a less expensive option. She hasn't told you she won't be their because of the expense. It sounds to me like she is just voicing her opinion on reality.
boo on her...but she is likely not complaining about your wedding intentionally....the cost of anything can be easily complained about...but I suppose it is in bad taste to do so on FB for all guests to see.
Sorry that you have to deal with this. I don't think that her complaining will deter any guests. I think that it makes her look bad. Plus, she may not be complaining beccause you picked an "expensive room" (I'm not suggesting that it is expensive but that may be how she feels), it may be that she can't afford it. I would talk to her about it and see what she says.
It is NOT the smartest thing anyone has ever done, but it probably wasn't intended to hurt you. It seems to just inconsiderate. I would let this one slide. However, if you see something else (on FB, in person, etc.), say something sooner rather than later.
eh... i think you're maybe overreacting a bit. I wouldn't post that because I wouldn't want my friend to feel badly, but it doesn't seem like she's mad at you or really complaining. Probably just frustrated by the cost of hotels. I'm sure she's still happy to be a bridesmaid, just a bit overwhelmed by how much its costing her.
"Trying to find a hotel in Sonoma for a wedding that isn't $200 a night. Ugh!"
if this is all she said then i think youre over reacting a bit. cheers
If that's all she said, I would let it slide. I don't think it was passive aggressive... just an economic fact that money is tight right now. Sonoma is a beautiful place to have your wedding, but also expensive!
I don't think she meant anything by it at all. I'd probably respond with something like, If you find anything please give me a heads up so that I can share the info with other guests! You're awesome for looking into this, I couldn't find ANYTHING!
I'd be bummed if I was you though, so my heart goes out. I think crebre has a good idea. If you word your response positively it might cancel out the negative tone of the post.
Eventhough Im sure she meant no harm, I think it was a little rude. I dont think FB is a place for personal complaints like that, and I hate it when people do that. Also if she had a hard time finding a cheaper hotel room should have asked you for ideas, not post it on FB. I dont think its worth making a big deal over, but I think it was a little rude on her part( im sure unintentionally).
Maybe she just meant "ugh" as in she was frustrated because she couldnt find a cheaper hotel room and maybe she originally thought she would be able to find a cheaper room by looking on her own. I can understand why you are upset though. It would be one thing if she was just a guest, but as one of your BMs you probably feel like she should be more supportive in every aspect as opposed to making you feel like you have done something to upset her. Maybe you could ask her if she has found anything or help her with her search or politely ask if she is able to afford one of the rooms you blocked. Maybe she would be interested in sharing a room with someone else to reduce the cost? Dont worry about it too much - all weddings involve a little complaining from pretty much all parties involved!! In the end, Im sure things will be fine. 
I'm sorry. that sucks.
What I would do is I would comment on that status with "I'm sorry. Let me help you look"
Then she'll maybe feel bad you noticed.
Are there hotels that are under $200 a night? $200 a night is expensive for me. Maybe she'll feel better that you are trying to at least help her out.
@yrret: The hotel that we reserved is under $200. Admittedly, not by much, but it would not have been under $200 if we hadn't gotten the room block. It would have been $249 per night. Unfortunately, after extensive research, that was the best we could do and still be in close proximity to the venue.
@crebre: Excellent suggestion. I responded to her post and said something similar and indicated I was sorry she was having difficulty. She responded that I shouldn't worry about it, but the damage has already been done because other people have already seen and commented. Of course, she has not removed her post.
Maybe I'm being overly sensitive because I am already frustrated with this BM for a multitude of other reasons. Miss Frozen Yogurt wrote a post about not picking your bridal party early. She is 100% right. If I had it to do over again, I would not have included this girl.
Just take a deep breath and let it slide I guess... as you get closer to your wedding there will probably be a lot more inconsiderate/annoying things that will happen. You probably need to weigh the instinctive reaction to call her out on her **** against how much residual drama you want affecting your life AFTER the event itself is done with.
yeah I don't think that's quite complaining or anything. It's not a big deal and I think yo'ure taking it a little personally, but I agree that since this is in addition to other stuff, I can see why it's really getting under your skin.
@soon2be: what are other comments? i honestly don't think she meant anything by it at all ((HUGS)) I'm so sorry that you're going through this..
Sorry she did that but maybe she did not mean anything by it...I would just ask her about it....
She should have been a little more thoughtful before posting something like that on FB. She should have thought about how you would feel reading it. $200 is not a bad price at all for a hotel room in Sonoma and come to think of it the least I've paid for a hotel room in a wedding block is around $130 and that was in Wilmington!
She is just trying to get attention and doesn't think about the consequences. Good that you posted that response, but ignore her from now on and focus on important things!
can she share a room with someone? I don't think $200 for a night in Sonoma is bad, but I have usually gotten my hotel paid for (1 night) when I had to travel for a wedding. Now that I'm older, though, I wouldn't mind at all, especially if I knew going in where it would be.
That sucks, I'd be irritated too. Just one of those things you really don't need when planning a wedding, especially when you've already done the research and done what you could to procure a lower rate for rooms. I don't think she meant anything by it but I don't blame you for being irritated. Let her research it and see that you've already found the best deal on your guest's behalf.
i wouldn't worry about it. I highly doubt people will be deterred because she is whiney. If anything, It m ay give other guests the initative to team up and book a room as a group.
I agree with cannotwait... that is a great idea! Ask her to share a room with somone. I know a few of my bm were short on cash and I think they got 2 double beds and found 3 other guests(girls) to share the room.
Have you said anything back to her... you kind of make her feel guilty for posting it for you to see?
Maybe just "Sorry :("
hehe, that's what I would do.
Reminds me of my cousin who wrote on my bachelorette party invite in regards to the restaurant we were going to, "I guess I'll come but I don't like their food."
People are so rude sometimes and don't understand how their comments will affect other guests that might be attending. She made it look like I picked out some shitty disgusting restaurant, just as your BM made it look like you picked out some ritzy hotel.
Weddings bring out the best of people dont they?!
I don't think she's complaining about your wedding. I also don't think any guests will be 'scared away' by her post. Guests might be scared away by the price but that's just a fact in all weddings, you do the best you can. I don't know what other issues you have with her but I don't think she dd anything wrong here, she gets to vent on fb about her life, she's not saying or implying anything bad about your wedding.
I think you're being a little sensitive and I wouldn't read it that way (if I was a guest). I mean, in these times I think MOST people can relate to the stress of spending $200 a night whether or not it's a good deal, KWIM?
I think that's kind of the problem with FB and message board and stuff. We read what someone types and put our own stuff on it. I'll never forget when I posted "I'm so over "something that sounds like my boyfriend's name" and he saw it on FB and thought I wanted to break up (this was in the beginning). In fact, I was talking about a food. :P
If you told her, "hey, I saw you were worried abotu the cost of the room, do you think you can share with someone" you would probably shut her up and make her feel a bit embarassed for posting that.
I don't think it was bad, I make post all the time on FB about stuff. You did the right thing by your reply. Honestly the guest that are " scared away " by the price doubtfully would have come anyways when they called the hotel to book. I wouldn't worry about it.
You guys have great suggestions. She is bringing her live-in boyfriend, so she is not going to share a room with anyone else.
As for the other things she said, she told me that she wasn't sure if she liked my dress or if it makes me look like a stripper, called my FI a pedophile in front of a bunch of his co-workers (in reference to our 9 year age difference), complained that I am not getting married in a Catholic church (she's not even Catholic and I don't practice), etc. All of this was AFTER I asked her to be a BM. You don't know how many times I have kicked myself for this decision. I really wish it wasn't too late to kick her out without causing any drama, but it's just not possible. Le sigh.
just ask her to take it down....let her know that it bothers you.
Based on what you have since wrote about her, I would not care how close it was to the wedding. I would kick her out of the wedding party at the very least. I would not want anyone around me that has said those things.
If I were you I'd comment on her status "The room blocks we reserved are $185 (or whatever) a night :)"
That way anyone who sees it will know the truth. That is DEF my humor/the kind of comment I'd make so IDK if that's "you" and would fly, but I think that is reasonable for the area and if she wanted to be a BM she should know there are obligations!!!
Oh, after all the complaining she's done.
Now my response to finding a hotel under $200 would be....
"you know staying in your car wouldn't cost you any thing! Just saying..."
lol...
I'm sorry you have a bm that is acting like this. I would want to kick her out too.
I'm so sorry for you. I think I had a bm that was like this but she didn't complain about it to my face... she told my other bridesmaids.. and luckliy I didn't find this all out until after my wedding.
*hugs*
EDIT:
Actually, it's 3 months away... maybe send her a email or a fb message in private and ask her that you've noticed that she has done a lot of complaining and that you are worried that she's not happy about being a bm. Tell her why you chose her to be bm.
Tell her that you want everyone to enjoy your wedding and that you don't like seeing your close friends upset. Ask her is there is anything you could do. Tell her that you could find another couple who will share the room to make the room cheaper. (I know you said that she wouldn't go for it but in this message I would tell her all the options)
Then maybe it wil get her to "shut the hell up!" hehe...
I would do this.. I'm the passive aggressive kind of person.
That's ridiculous and people forget that on facebook a lot of people are reading your status updates or see them. If you were upfront with her about cost, then she shouldn't be complaining.
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