Post # 1
I need your advise. One of my bridemaids accepted, however she does not have any money. The wedding is a destination wedding, so its going to be expensive to begin with. She called me crying about having anxiety of getting money for the wedding, and says she really wants to be in it. I am not going to be mad at all if she can not be in my wedding, in fact its stressing me out more knowing she can not afford it. Should I tell her she should just come as a guest, but will be apart of all the other festivites, except walking down the isle? What should I do???
Post # 3
@Lily Kay: I dont think she cant afford to be in the party…what she cant afford is travelling all the way to the desitnation wedding and getting hotel/food. So asking her to come as a guest and watch other BM walk down the aisle doesnt solve anything.
If for SOME REASON, she CAN afford to go n the trip but simply can not afford a BM dress, then maybe offer to pay for the dress or subsidize it for her.
Post # 4
@Lily Kay: Just tell her that as much as you would love for her to stand beside you on your wedding day, you completely understand if she cannot afford to be in (or even come) to your wedding.
Don’t put any pressure on her and let her know you completely understand if she needs to step down and it will not affect your friendship in any way.
Just be compassionate and be her friend. Sounds like she needs one.
Post # 5
Hmmm. I would think that if she was broke, it would be expense of actually going to your destination wedding that would be too much and not the expenses of being a bm. Is she trying to tell you that she can’t come to your wedding, or is that not the sense that you are getting?
Post # 6
What are the costs that she is worried about – is it the cost of going to the wedding? or going to the wedding + paying for a dress, paying for a shower, party, etc?
If she can afford to go to the wedding, would you consider letting the BMs pick their own dresses? This can save costs dramatically b/c she can buy something in her budget or may already have one she can wear.
Post # 7
That’s a tough one. Knowing how I am, if she is a really good friend, I would find a way to at least split the costs with her. Maybe you could meet her half way in terms of costs. If that’s not an option, then be supportive and tell her that you are sorry to hear that she is not at a good place financially right now and you understand if she can not attend or be part of the wedding. Or maybe she can help with some DIY and you could pay her for it? how long before the wedding and what are the costs to her?
Post # 8
@MademoiselleL: Yes I felt like she was going to tell me she could not be in it, and just could not do it. I am just concerned that she will say she will go but really does not have the means to do it.
Post # 9
going to a dw is usually a lot more expensive than being a bridesmaid. i wouldn’t expect her to come. unfortunately, that’s the type of sacrifice you set yourself up for by choosing to have a dw.
Post # 10
Yes, it must be hard for her to come out and say that to you as well, since I’m sure she really wants to go. If you are financially able you could help her out a bit, otherwise, maybe you could let her choose her own dress or I liked the previous idea of having her help you with DIY. Otherwise, maybe just let her know that as much as you would love for her to be there, you will not be upset or hold it against her if she doesn’t go. I know that if I were her I would be worried about that. You could have a special get together when you get back just to share maybe some pics or a video with her.
Post # 11
just tell her that while you would absolutely love for her to go and be part of your wedding, that you completely understand if she is unable to go because of the financial burden. Tell her that of course you want her to be able to go but that you don’t want it to cause her any financial stress, and that you understand if she just can’t make it.
I second what BaileyH said… if for some reason she can afford to go but can’t afford to be a BM, then maybe offer to help cover some of those costs?
Post # 12
@Baileyh: I totally agree with you…