Weddingbee boards

I posted this as a follow-up to a post I'd started on this particular friend and bridesmaid a while back, but I'm putting it here under emotional board, as well, since I think it's fitting and I would love some input and advice!! Original and detailed post was "I think I may have offended one of my 3 best friends" under "bridesmaids."  Thanks!  . . . . .

Well, it's been a while since I posted on this topic! I had no idea time had flown that quickly!

Sadly, to make a long story short, I thought from appearances, that my BM #1 had started to perk up just a little. Although any time I wanted to talk with her or meet up, I was always having to do all the arranging and was the only person taking initiative.  Seemed she didn't have much interest in my wedding, except to agree that I must be really busy with all the planning, etc.

So then, with my obviously awkward immediate family situation (see above for some details), I had to make a very, VERY agonizing decision . . . to invite my parents and sibiling, or not.  My immediate family and my relationship with them hangs in the balance . . . so I finally made the only decision I felt at peace with.  I decided, I would send invitations to them, and then, the ball would be in their court.  They could come, but if they didn't, they could never blame me for being the mean, black sheep of the family in not inviting them at all.  I WANT them to be at my wedding . . . if they act nice. But I didn't hold out high hopes they would be nice since they've only shown disapproval, etc.

I did this, and was happy to find that those closest to me were very happy with my decision, they knew it was mine and mine alone to make and it was a very tough call.  VERY tough.  So, I let BM #1 know of my decision to send the invitations to my immediate family (which at this point, still doesn't guarantee they will even come!).  Her reaction was definitely NOT anything I'd ever have expected!

She told me she thought I'd made a really BIG MISTAKE and that she was not comfortable with my family attending and so was not only not going to opt out of being my bridesmaid only a month prior to our wedding, but will not be attending our wedding AT ALL.  She told me this via email.  I was stunned. So hurt.  And shocked.  I thought this was a very self-centered response. She didn't seem to think about me or my feelings or the fact I could really use those people I call close friends there to support me, if in fact my immediate family does attend. I seriously doubt they'd even speak to her, so I'm not sure what she was so concerned about. Beside, this is my wedding, not hers, so she's not the main focuse even.  And I don't mean to come across as selfish, myself .  . . but this really, really hurt coming from a girl I thought for the past 3 years or so was a good, good friend of mine!  This was so out of the blue!! And seemingly so selfish and inconsiderate and judgmental!

All to say, I have NO CLUE how to respond, one way or the other.  Her response was sent to me right before my bridal hair and makeup trial.  I had to really work hard at cheering myself up and just enjoying the trial and the day spent with my sweet fiance without thinking about how hurt and stunned I felt, how indignant.  I would think, a lot of girls would say, "This is IT. No friendship now! She's not my friend!" and so on.  I can see why.  But I don't know if this is a total deal-breaker, ruining any chance at friendship?  Where do I draw the line?  What do I say in response?

Please, help?  I know she and I have had rough spots and she's been inconsiderate before.  But I honestly didn't expect this, never been in this position in my life, really.  Help??

It's a VERY long, involved story. To make it short, my immediate family (and only my immediate family from what I've seen/heard so far since we began dating summer 2009!) does not approve of my fiance and me and our relationship at all.  Basically, they never have. They've given me a couple "reasons" for their disapproval, but they were weird/false reasons.  There were also numerous issues/battles over them controlling my life and my actions and my choices to the extreme . . . and I'm not 17.  I'm in my mid-twenties, always have been of a sound mind and strong heart and absolutely capable of making my own choices, and taking good and bad consequences for them.  As a healthy adult.

Anyhow, this particular BM #1 above, was supportive of me when I took a stand finally concerning my immediate family. When I stood up for myself and my healthy, adult independence in a very respectful, yet firm manner.  Then, she started to change gradually.  You can read more about that in my original post, the one I mentioned above, it's actually been updated under "bridesmaids" board. 

But this, her choice to suddenly opt out of being a bridesmaid (one of just 4 I have) AND not even attend my wedding, was a shocker.  Hope that helps give some background?  She had met my family, knew my one sibling a little better than she knew my parents.  Wasn't really close to them, closer to me.  But she didn't agree wtih how they had acted/reacted when all this turned into a fiasco.  So I don't get why she's suddenly dropping me like a hot potato?

My Maid of Honor thought the bridesmaid had acted selfishly and immaturely, especially for her age.  I thought the same, but was trying not to be harsh.  I mean, I genuinely have cared for and about her for 3 years and thought she was my friend . . . I am "letting it go," I know I can do nothing to change it and maybe, her choice is for the better, so to speak. But still, I feel like I owe SOME response . . . and that is where I am really baffled.  HELP?!? Thanks!

*bump* because I really, really need some advice about how to respond to this person!

Thanks for your thoughtful and compassionate responses!

Congratulations to everyone whose wedding is still to come.  Including date twins!

I will think out a thoughtful yet firm response for my friend.  Of course, it will be sprinkled with kindness.  I really appreciate your suggestions and input.  This has helped me a lot, as I knew it would!!