Post # 1
Hey, all. I need some thoughts on a predicament that’s been bothering me the last few months.
My fiance, while an only child, has a big and very supportive family. They’re wild, crazy, and completely fantastic. I love each and every one of them. My family is a lot smaller, and a lot less involved with each other’s lives – especially mine. I’ve always been the black sheep of the family and it never feels like they want to be part of what I’m doing. For instance, no one congratulated me when I received my Bachelor’s degree in 2010 and I got almost no recognition AT ALL when my fiance and I announced our engagement. Seriously – no one cared. I know that should make me feel like crap, it kind of does, but I’m also pretty used to it.
The dilemma is this – we’re having a seriously small ceremony. Just immediate family and our closest friends. I know that every single one of my fiance’s family members will show up deliriously happy for us because they’re great like that. My family, however… honestly, I’m not expecting them to show up. At all – any of them. Especially considering that our wedding will be in Santa Fe and all my family is 7+ hours away and won’t want to drive. Some of them have even threatened not to come for various reasons (most of them to do with guilting me into doing something they want).
I’m worried about what this will say to my fiance’s family… that I don’t take our marriage seriously? That my family is unsupportive or that I’ve driven them away? That I don’t value family? I’ve always thought that guests are present at a wedding as a show of good faith – a way to say, “I pledge here and now in front of all our family and friends that I’ll be with you forever.” If none of my family shows up, what does that say about me and my investment in our marriage?
Ugh. Worried. Advice, please??
Post # 3
Crazy girl, it says NOTHING about YOU. Unless you don’t show up at your wedding, I don’t know how anyone can judge you and your investment in the marriage based on your family’s actions (or inactions).
Sorry that your family won’t be there to support you. I sure hope that it changes before the wedding!
Post # 4
@lyssadelag: You can’t control your family, and your FI’s family should understand that, awesome as they are. They probably have some feeling for your family dynamic, so I’m sure they’ll understand. Don’t torture yourself over this!
Post # 5
@lyssadelag: I came on this board looking to see if anyone out there has the same family problems as me, and came across your post. I’ve felt like I should be happier about being engaged (I’m extremely happy), but so upset that none of my family cares. Just like you, my family has never really made a big deal about any of my accomplishments. I have a younger sister who gets all the attention, which just makes me feel worse. She got married a couple years ago, and everyone was over the moon. It was a huge deal. Why can’t I have that?
I will be surprised if 2 family members show up to my wedding, and they all live in the same town as me!! My fiancee’s family is amazing! His parents have offered to pay for part of the wedding, which makes me feel embarassed (my family has money, but wouldn’t dare offer to help).
The only thing that makes me feel better about the whole situation, is knowing that my fiancee’s family will soon be MY family too! His family knows my situation and have already embraced me as their own. My Future Mother-In-Law has taken been helping the way I always thought my mother would. This is what keeps me motivated.
So don’t worry what your future family thinks of you. I bet they love you! Remember that they are gaining a daughter-in-law, not your entire family.
Post # 6
This is YOUR wedding, you do what you want and just hope they come. You need to be happy with your decisions. Thats very hard, I have a similar situation, my fiances family I think could care less about our wedding.
They are not financially helping, my parents are paying for it. They think they are just going to show up. So I understand how you feel. Everything related to our wedding is a chore to them.. very very frustrating.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza
We dealt with this from the opposite side of the spectrum. I come from a huge, loud family while Darling Husband has… his parents and his sister. There are no aunts/uncles/cousins and no grandparents. We had around 90 people from my family and 3 from his at our wedding. No one noticed. Seriously! Everyone was together and happy and having fun. Believe me, if his family is anything like mine they will not be sitting there whispering about your family. They will just be happy that you included them on your beautiful day and to celebrate with you!!