Post # 1
SO has the ring, he’s told me so. He doesn’t want me to know his timeline. I assume having the ring means he’s planning on proposing somewhere within a year, right? Then why is he mentioning that he wants to find a new job, move out of his mom’s house and into HIS own place? No he didn’t say our place, he said HIS place. So then I ask him if I found a job (which I’m STILL looking for) would we be moving out together? and he says “You’ll be able to stay whenever you want once I get a place” Umm sweet but that didn’t answer my question?!?!?! I feel like we’ve taken one step forward but several steps back 🙁
Post # 3
@annasaf83: Yeah, this doesn’t sound good. I would have to have a serious conversation with him about starting your life as a couple, and if he’s planning on getting his own place, you deserve a more concrete timeline than “I have the ring.” Just my opinion.
Post # 4
Uh-oh! You definitely need to talk to him. Especially because he has a ring, he needs to think in terms of “us” not “me”. It’s your life too and you need to have a say.
Post # 5
this is why I’m concerned, why is he thinking about him when he’s got the ring and should be thinking us. I’m wondering if he needs to be away from Mom in order to propose to me (she’s the kind of smothering Mother who thinks that none of SO’s gfs are good enough for him, she is flipping out cause he’s talking of moving out, so she’s opening up his mail under the guise of watching his spending… he’s almost 28, has a good paying job and has no debt so if he wants to spend $200 on a sweater so be it!) I don’t know, I try bringing up the Us vs. Me and Him topic and he tends to either not understand me or he talks in the future.
Post # 6
This is super confusing. He has a ring but he’s talking about getting his own place? You said he tends not to understand when you raise questions about the future? I would try to find a good moment when things are quiet and he seems receptive to listening to you, and I would ask him some very plain and straightforward questions, like the kind that only require “yes” or “no” answers.
Instead of “where do you think this relationship is going?” try: “Do you want us to get married within a year or two?”
“Do you want us to live together at some point?”
“Do you ever see yourself having a family with me?”
If he dodges the questions, gets confused or refuses to answer, then IMHO you have your answer right there. Men are much more simple creatures than we are. They usually do not have trouble articulating what they want in life.
Good luck OP, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. (((hugs))))