- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2018
Well Waitingbees, I don’t really know what to say other than SO is sh– scared of the next step.
We talked the other night about out future, and it felt as though he wanted assurances that no one could give. I can’t promise him that our future will be a bed of roses, but I can promise to love him in every way I know how. The traditional vows are for worse as well as better and I figure that if you can find someone to spend the worse times with then you’re a lucky person.
I respected him when he told me that he wanted me to graduate and then get a job before getting married, but now he wants me to have a career. He’s nearly 12 years older than me and is only just beginning to find his foothold in the world (!) am I supposed to wait another 10+ years? He’s worried I’ll resent him and I understand the perspective but the only assurance that I wont feel that way is that plainly, I don’t think I will. More to the point, when did getting married become career threatening? (Earlier that night he’d talked about how he didn’t think he was far off wanting to “try somewhere new” and I was the one who said I felt I needed a little more time in my job first).
I told him that I love him and that I want to be with him. I moved 7000 miles away from everything I know because I wanted to be with him, sure I’ve had doubts, but not once have I felt that I’ve compromised. Compromise implies I’ve made a sacrifice, I haven’t. This is what I wanted, what we wanted. My first thoughts when he got offered the job were “yay, how exciting” not “I have to give up xyz for this”. Had I been single there’s no way I’d have moved, as the opportunity is unlikely to have arisen, but we make decisions based on the situation we’re in. I am in a relationship, so when I make choices they affect two people.
He’s said for a while that he wants children before he’s 40 and sure, that means that having children will come a little earlier for me in comparison with peers, but it is what it is. I just so happened to fall in love with an older guy. Again, I don’t feel like this is a bad thing, no sacrifices here. I want to be a part of fulfilling that dream for him.
Sometimes I feel crazy for joining this forum especially now as it really feels like one step forward, two steps back. He asked my Dad for his blessing well over a year ago, I had every reason to believe it was coming. All I can do now is support him the way he has supported me over the years and give him the space he needs. He’s seen my hand, now the ball is in his court.
Sorry this is rambling and thank you for taking the time to read. I really needed to work around this in writing rather than having the thoughts swimming around my head.