Post # 1
I need some help. My family is pretty large- my mom is one of 7 so with that I have many cousins, most of which are either in their late teens or early 20s, a few a bit older. Many of them are not in relationships, or if they are I do not know about it. So who do I have to give +1s to? My mom wants to give them to all of my guests so no one will feel left out but I think thats going to add AT LEAST 60 people which doesnt make sence to me. What would you do??
– I was thinking of just giving +1s to anyone who is engaged or living with their SO, all cousins who still live with their parents were going to get a “family” invite is this the proper thing to do? or everyone gets a date?
I also have some tricky sistuations if anyone can help with these also:
1. My uncle said that his son, my cousins is 99% sure he is going to marry his gf but they are still young 19/20 and do not live together, i never met her, or heard of her before this christmas- would my cousin get a +1 to bring her??
2. Other cousins who live out of state have long term bf but are not living together, never met them either- I wasnt planning on giving them a +1
Post # 3
I have a large family as well. I am only giving +1 to people who are engaged or married or have been dating for at least a couple of years and I know both people. As far as cousins, since we are having a no children wedding only their parents are married (2 adults max) and if their kids are adults I am only inviting them w/o a +1 if I am close to the cousin at all. GOOD LUCK!
Post # 4
I would not give a +1 to anyone who is not in a relationship. If you have a cousin who is in a relationship or engaged then yes you should invite the SO, and you should do it by name and not +1. I would send “and family” for cousins who are still living at home, but you can definitely put their name on the invite too. I don’t think separate invitations are necessary, it seems silly for a late teen who is living at home.
For the 1 & 2 on the bottom.
1. Yes definitely invite her since they are a serious couple.
2. I would also invite the out of town cousin’s SO since they are serious.
Post # 5
I went with the people I could name their SO’s This meant engaged, living or more than 1.5 years
(I also asked around about peoples SOs so I didnt miss one I didnt know about)
Post # 6
only give +1 to people engaged or married or if you know both couples. Cousins who still live with their parents definitely do not get +1. That’s a family invite.
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
One thing to keep in mind…it’s not like your cousins won’t know anyone at the wedding! I don’t think you need to give any of your cousins, unless engaged or married, a plus one -they’ll certainly understand, based on the size of your family.
Post # 9
I’m currently annoyed at the whole plus one situation. I invited my three college age cousins to my wedding on their parents’ invite and apparently each of the three cousins is bringing a plus one…. annoying.
My advice is make a rule and stick to it, no exceptions. If you decide no plus ones for cousins who are not living with SO or married, don’t make exceptions for anyone — not even the 19/20 “going to get married”.
Also, the OOS cousins, I wouldn’t give them a +1 either but I don’t know how “popular”of a decision that is. It seems like the consensus is, if someone is going to travel, they should get a +1 but I don’t necessarily agree. Why should you have to pay for tons of people that you don’t know? Just know that if you don’t invite someone’s +1, that person might not come. If that’s okay with you then great!
Really, people can give you advice and tell you what the etiquette is, but it’s your wedding so do what will make you happy/comfortable!!
Post # 10
Thank you all-
@FtrMrsAMH: and @star_dust: I think Im going to stick with just doing family invites and no +1s for them- 98% all still live at home.. Is it wrong if I give a +1 to a friend tho who is not living with or engaged?
@ThreeMeers: I dont know any of their SO names, and never met them. I know a year or so is a serious relationship but I just feel that they are still young under 20 and living at home so I would rather do just a family invite- gotta convience my mom now.
@sruan: Thanks I agree- I think they will all be family invites
@rebwana: that is soooo true!!! We all see each at holidays with just the family- know that I think about it, I am the only one who brings their SO to family holidays! Guess I answered my own question there lol
@FutureMRS3lastnames: if you put them on a family invite how did they manage to be bringing a +1 (this is what I am worried about- I cant see paying all the extra money for someone I dont know)
If I do no +1 for cousins- would I have to stick with this for my friends?
Post # 11
@bella731: NOpe! Not wrong at all. Do what makes you happy. Its your wedding!! Honestly I like my friends more than my family so I let them have +! if I liked their bf or gf! LOL
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
@bella731: I think the rules for family and friends are completely different. The family know a ton of people there
Post # 13
If they are married, engaged, or living together they get a ‘+1’ but you make sure to address the invitations to each person by name (‘Kate and Jack’, not ‘Kate and Guest’).
Your cousin with the girlfriend he is “99% sure he will marry” does not need a plus one.
For the cousins who have long term boyfriends but do not live together, I would not give them a +1, however make sure you have a blanket rule and do not let some, but not others. That just sets you up for confusion and resentment.
Post # 14
I have a large family too (my parents are each one of seven) – so I know how you’re feeling. Most of my cousins are in longterm relationships, so I definitely gave them plus ones. However, the few that weren’t, I also extended a plus one because they’re family and I didn’t want them to feel awkward about not at least giving them the option of bringing a guest.
As for your specific questiosns:1-If possible, I would give this person a +1. He is clearly in a significant relationship if marriage has been brought up, regardless of the fact that you haven’t met her, or that they are younger.
2- It doesn’t matter if you’ve never met them. If they’re in a long term relationship, I find it very rude to not invite the significant other. They’re also traveling for your wedding, so it’s a bit rude to suggest they take a trip alone and leave their SO at home.
Post # 15
I have a similar situation and to solve all issues anyone 18 and over gets a plus one (on invite it would be worded so and so and guest). I want to allow for plus ones as just like FutureMRS3lastnames pointed out all three cousins are bringing a plus one. by allowing everyone to have a plus one I know that I will always be under my people limit!
Post # 16
@bella731: I have NO Idea how they think it’s okay to bring their girlfriends. I’m SO SO SO annoyed (especially since I’m a DW with 60 people MAX). It’s rude! Anyway, I hope this doesn’t happen to you and it probably won’t!
I would say it’s probably a good idea to stick with the same rule for cousins AND friends, however, it’s your wedding so you do it how you want! If you want to allow your friends to have +1s and not your cousins, do it! I doubt your friends will talk with your cousins so no one will find out how you did it anyway.