(Closed) +ones – Should I give cousins +1s even when…

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have a large family as well. I am only giving +1 to people who are engaged or married or have been dating for at least a couple of years and I know both people. As far as cousins, since we are having a no children wedding only their parents are married (2 adults max) and if their kids are adults I am only inviting them w/o a +1 if I am close to the cousin at all. GOOD LUCK!

Post # 4
Member
4465 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would not give a +1 to anyone who is not in a relationship. If you have a cousin who is in a relationship or engaged then yes you should invite the SO, and you should do it by name and not +1. I would send “and family” for cousins who are still living at home, but you can definitely put their name on the invite too. I don’t think separate invitations are necessary, it seems silly for a late teen who is living at home. 

For the 1 & 2 on the bottom.

1. Yes definitely invite her since they are a serious couple.

2. I would also invite the out of town cousin’s SO since they are serious. 

Post # 5
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I went with the people I could name their SO’s This meant engaged, living or more than 1.5 years

(I also asked around about peoples SOs so I didnt miss one I didnt know about)

Post # 6
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

only give +1 to people engaged or married or if you know both couples. Cousins who still live with their parents definitely do not get +1. That’s a family invite.

Post # 7
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

One thing to keep in mind…it’s not like your cousins won’t know anyone at the wedding! I don’t think you need to give any of your cousins, unless engaged or married, a plus one -they’ll certainly understand, based on the size of your family.

Post # 8
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

dupe post

Post # 9
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m currently annoyed at the whole plus one situation. I invited my three college age cousins to my wedding on their parents’ invite and apparently each of the three cousins is bringing a plus one…. annoying.

My advice is make a rule and stick to it, no exceptions. If you decide no plus ones for cousins who are not living with SO or married, don’t make exceptions for anyone — not even the 19/20 “going to get married”. 

Also, the OOS cousins, I wouldn’t give them a +1 either but I don’t know how “popular”of a decision that is. It seems like the consensus is, if someone is going to travel, they should get a +1 but I don’t necessarily agree. Why should you have to pay for tons of people that you don’t know? Just know that if you don’t invite someone’s +1, that person might not come. If that’s okay with you then great!

Really, people can give you advice and tell you what the etiquette is, but it’s your wedding so do what will make you happy/comfortable!!

Post # 11
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@bella731:  NOpe! Not wrong at all. Do what makes you happy. Its your wedding!! Honestly I like my friends more than my family so I let them have +! if I liked their bf or gf! LOL

Post # 12
Member
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@bella731:  I think the rules for family and friends are completely different. The family know a ton of people there

Post # 13
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

If they are married, engaged, or living together they get a ‘+1’ but you make sure to address the invitations to each person by name (‘Kate and Jack’, not ‘Kate and Guest’).
Your cousin with the girlfriend he is “99% sure he will marry” does not need a plus one.
For the cousins who have long term boyfriends but do not live together, I would not give them a +1, however make sure you have a blanket rule and do not let some, but not others. That just sets you up for confusion and resentment.

Post # 14
Member
12816 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have a large family too (my parents are each one of seven) – so I know how you’re feeling.  Most of my cousins are in longterm relationships, so I definitely gave them plus ones.  However, the few that weren’t, I also extended a plus one because they’re family and I didn’t want them to feel awkward about not at least giving them the option of bringing a guest.

As for your specific questiosns:1-If possible, I would give this person a +1.  He is clearly in a significant relationship if marriage has been brought up, regardless of the fact that you haven’t met her, or that they are younger. 

2- It doesn’t matter if you’ve never met them.  If they’re in a long term relationship, I find it very rude to not invite the significant other.  They’re also traveling for your wedding, so it’s a bit rude to suggest they take a trip alone and leave their SO at home.

Post # 15
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I have a similar situation and to solve all issues anyone 18 and over gets a plus one (on invite it would be worded so and so and guest). I want to allow for plus ones as just like FutureMRS3lastnames pointed out all three cousins are bringing a plus one. by allowing everyone to have a plus one I know that I will always be under my people limit!

Post # 16
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@bella731:  I have NO Idea how they think it’s okay to bring their girlfriends. I’m SO SO SO annoyed (especially since I’m a DW with 60 people MAX). It’s rude! Anyway, I hope this doesn’t happen to you and it probably won’t!

I would say it’s probably a good idea to stick with the same rule for cousins AND friends, however, it’s your wedding so you do it how you want! If you want to allow your friends to have +1s and not your cousins, do it! I doubt your friends will talk with your cousins so no one will find out how you did it anyway.

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