Online bullying, please read

posted 2 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

Bridey77:  Teenagers are the worst and I’m so sorry for what you’re daughter is going through. I don’t have much advice, I don’t even have kids, but does she have other friends at school? I know you’ll be pulling her out but does she have some other girls she can still hang out with outside of school? At that age it’s a lot easier to confide in your friends your age than your parents.

Post # 4
Member
6749 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am unclear from your post- you are pulling your daughter out of school after you inform them what is going on? Have you tried to work this out with the school at all? 

Post # 5
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Ugh. Although Im not a mother, I was once a teenage girl and I’m so thankful that social media was not around. This is so horrible and I feel awful for your daughter.

Social media is turning children into sociopaths. No joke. I’ve read articles about schools who have to bring specialists into schools to teach children about emotions and reactions because kids nowadays are so used to saying mean things behind a computer screen and not worrying about seeing actual hurt on the victim’s face. 

 

Post # 6
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee

I work with at-risk teens.  I’m not naive in any sort of way, but I am often horrified by the things I hear kids go through at school these days.  I don’t even know anymore.

  I’m sorry to hear your family is going through this.   

Post # 7
Member
210 posts
Helper bee

Ugh its so hard to deal with situations like this. If you go to the school they will confront the teens/call the parents and your daughter would still be bullied anyway for having to have her mommy handle her issues and I am not saying you shouldn’t go but I have seen it happen. Either way the bullying won’t stop. If you feel like you need to then pull her out. Also tell her to delete all social media for now because even if she isn’t in school they will still probably bully her through there. Good luck with everything and I wish the best for your daughter. Kids are absoult cunts these days.

Post # 8
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

One of my co workers [she is under me, rank wise] is doing online school. She just turned 18 and is in her final year of school. She is a very pretty girl, sweet but a little quirky. She, too was made of one, and bullied to no end. She is much happier now that she is out of public school and she’s doing much better.

Kids can be cruel, very cruel. But it’s important for her to realize that adults can be just as cruel. I would take her out of school, though.

Post # 9
Member
5016 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Bridey77:  Is the school aware of the bullying issue currently? I am a teacher and we have to report it immediately. Our antibullying coordinator and principal have to open up a report and begin an investigation ASAP. My school district takes it very, very seriously – it’s a hot topic in the education world  

Online bullying is something the school should be dealing with as well. If they don’t know of it, I would go in and speak with the principal tomorrow Morning. If for some reason they are unresponsive, go to the superintendent or the board of education. 

 I am so sorry your daughter is dealing with this but the school needs to be held accountable and do something about it. Also, please screen shot all of the things the kids are saying online. 

Post # 10
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

Bridey77:  I work at a school as an administrator and we deal with this a lot. The middle schoolers and high schoolers can be vicious. 

First, report this situation to the school. If you can, screen shot any comments, posts or messages the student’s make. It will provide evidence of the bullying. Include anything your daughter said as well so that you are open and honest about her participation. Also, please don’t go into the school all fired up and in a frenzy. You are understandbly concerned, but it is possible the school is not aware and you shouldn’t be angry with them about not knowing. Also, going in with a level headed approach will be much more productive.

Second, make sure your child de-friends everyone who is attacking her and makes her profile private. Or remove her webpage/access to all social media after you take the screen shots. 

Third, meet with the school’s administrators/counselors to discuss a plan of action to address the situation. Then, actually give the school and your daughter time to actually try the plan (a few weeks).

I know your gut reaction is to pull her and this can very difficult, but her gut reaction shouldn’t be to run. There will always be someoe who will say or doing something terribly, she has to learn how to deal with it productively. Unless her life is being threatened (which you should report to the police) or you are seriously concerned about her long-term health, try to get this resolved.

I often see parents pull their children out of a knee jerk reaction, but it just teaches their children they can just leave when things get tough. If the school is genuinely being negligent, then that is different, but go in willing to work with them. Understand the school cannot 100% resolve the problem and that your daughter needs to be a proactive part of the solution, as well as the other students involved. 

Good luck OP!

ETA: Before committing to the online school route, you and your daughter should seriously think about the implications of switching. Is it a legitmate, quality program/curriculum? There are unfortunately a lot of online schools popping up that aren’t that good. Is your daughter disciplined enough to actually do her work consistently and well, without much oversight? Will she miss the social opportunities and interactions with friends? Will it impede any future goals like going to a certain college? 

I just say this because I see a lot of parents pull their students and put them in home school or online school without fully thinking it through. In the end, they delay their child’s academic growth and have a lot of difficulties. Very few people are disciplined enough to work in an unstructured, online environment. Yes, what’s going on is not acceptable, but it might be possible to work through this.

Also, are you worried that if your daughter spends all day on the internet for online school that she might find herself in more online/cyber bullying situations since you can’t sit over her shoulder all day? You mentioned she was also involved in some of the situations/instigating… 

Post # 12
Member
6504 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Baby boy 12/2015

Bridey77:  My sister is going through something similar. She used to live with me for a few months, but now she is back living at home with my mom. She is 14 and keeps telling me her “friends” hate her and that she wants to end this pain. We are afraid that she will do something crazy, such as taking her own life. Right now she is going to be home-schooled because she gave my mom a big scare the other day. It’s really hard to stop all this bullying, and now with social media, cell phones, etc. makes it so much easier. I hope things get better for your daughter, and she is able to continue school.

Post # 15
Member
2222 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

You need to go into school to see the Headteacher.  Take the online evidence.  All of it.  Tell him/her that unless this is sorted immediately you will be in touch with the police.

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