- 2 years ago
I would like to start that last month, was our 1st wedding anniversary. Long story short, our 1st wedding anniversary ended up in an all day fight. My husband picked a fight and it just kept snowballing from there. It was as if he couldn’t stop screwing the day up! We ended up going to dinner, with me having a heavy heart and the second we leave the restaurant, it was as if the dinner never happened and complete horrible person just came over him, yet again!
At home, he just pushed me away and didn’t want to talk about what had happened. Mind you, I did nothing wrong. I was just present in this turbulent event, but I wasn’t even doing anything to make him react so insanely.
The next day, he apologized, this is how he is. He will make me feel so unloved and several hours later or the next day. He claims he was just angry. Yes, I have told him he has some anger issues. We both decided to redo our wedding anniversary a few days later. Much to my dismay, the day that we were going to celebrate, I found 13 months of emails with his ex gf! Mind you, he will always tells me that they have no relationship at all. The emails were harmless. Nothing romantic at all. They talk about me, him, her and her bf/fiancee. More like buddy chit chat. I confronted him about it when he came home and he straight out lied to my face! I told him, let’s go to the computer and I will show you your lies. He then admitted to it. It took me I think 2 weeks (on and off) of asking him why he did all of this. He kept stating he was stupid and that he’s an idiot, shut down mode yet again.
The last time I asked him, he confessed that he felt he is never heard. To rewind to the beginning of his life, he has mentioned that no one in his family/friends or anyone in his life listens to him. I think he puts this on himself. Because there are so many ocassions that he speaks before thinking and I think after years of that and that’s your brother, cousin, nephew, etc. You just tune him out at some point.
The weird thing is that I usually am not heard, not him, in our relationship. He cuts me off all the time, I have to repeat myself over and over again for thousands to billions of times for the things that I believe we have discussed and or agreed, which he has forgotten the entire instance and brings it up again.
We haven’t slept in the same room since then. I have only opened up about this to 2 people and they both said to talk things through. I think we’ve done some talking and there is nothing from my end I still need to say right now. To me, he had a secret life before we were married and I feel stuck. I can’t move in any direction as I feel constantly lost. I sometimes have to try to think what my name is. That is how bad I feel. I am all cried out about it, but I don’t know if I am able to move forward or not. Since he works odd hours and can be gone 20hours out of 24 in 1 day, I think that part can help as well as kept me stuck where I am right now.
In case for anyone who is wondering, from reading all the emails. They never spoke on the phone or texted on the phone, they never saw each other in person. They never sent nude or close to nude pictures.
I do feel like his excuse is so stupid. If that was the only excuse, I should have cheated on him constantly.