Only +1s for bridal party?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Keep the rule of +1s for the bridal party only?
    Yes, it's a fair rule : (8 votes)
    26 %
    Yes, but should still be honest with guest about why their SO is not invited : (4 votes)
    13 %
    No, explain to guest why their SO is specifically not invited : (19 votes)
    61 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @ebarnes0:  I wouldn’t go to any wedding without my partner, let alone a destination wedding that involved traveling, expense, and staying overnight. Couples are a package deal and you can’t have one without the other for something like this. I just wouldn’t attend at all and save you the issue of telling me you hate my man 😛

    Post # 4
    Member
    5460 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Just my opinion, but when dealing with a social unit (a person and someone they consider to be a significant other) then you should treat the social unit as, well… a unit.  I would either invite them both, as a social unit, or not invite either of them.

    Post # 5
    Member
    8426 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @ebarnes0:  Honestly if you’re decided on not inviting this one particular SO, you’re going to hurt feelings whether you’re honest or not.  If you’re not okay with looking like “the bad guy” you’re going to have to invite him/her.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3948 posts
    Honey bee

    I would never go to a wedding without my husband, especially a destination wedding.

    You shouldnt have even invited this friend if you dont want her SO to go. You were wrong in this situation.

    Post # 8
    Member
    150 posts
    Blushing bee

    @ebarnes0:  A destination wedding without +1 sounds a bit too much. I think it’s very unfair to punish every other guest because of one SO. Just don’t invite the particular person you don’t want. Listening the background, it doesn’t sound that hard to explain to her why she’s not getting +1. She may even not ask. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    11668 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @ebarnes0:  I don’t think it’s really polite to not allow people to bring a date to a DW.  If cost was an issue that would be one thing, but I think it’s pretty lame to not let anyone bring dates because you don’t want one person’s SO there. If it were me, I would just suck it up with that person being there and if it’s really impossible for you to do that, then I would have not invited either of them.

     

    ETA – just saw the couple in question has been dating for 10 years.  They’re considered a social unit and technically should both be invited.  It’s not a regular old +1 you’re talking about. 

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    649 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @MrsPanda99: and @DaneLady:  +1

    I feel that couples are a package deal. I’d either put up with my friend’s SO, or not invite the couple at all.

    Post # 12
    Member
    135 posts
    Blushing bee

    @afake79:  I agree.  Just don’t invite the person you don’t want there and don’t worry about justifying it with a theme of not-inviteds.  Your wedding, therefore your guest list.  The only exception I see is not inviting one of his family members’ spouses.  It gets super annoying if you marry into a family and then in-laws don’t acknowledge you.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2205 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I would go to a wedding event without my FI, but depending on the situation, I might be hurt if I was invited and he was not.  Also depending on the situation, I may not go if that was the case.

    I think you’re stuck in a hard place where you have to either invite the couple as a unit or not invite them.  While normally I side against the idea of not inviting someone just because others won’t go, it really sounds like none of you like this guy, and with a small DW, yes, you will probably notice him.  So I wouldn’t invite the couple.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3596 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think when you are having a destination wedding, which can cost people a lot of money and time that every one should get a plus one.

    Based on what you said about this guy, and the fact that he clearly cannot be trusted to behave, I think in that case you speak to that friend and expalin and I’m sure she knows but tell her she can bring a plus one just not him.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2565 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    They have been in a relationship for 10 years?  Yeah, you can’t invite her without him.  It doesn’t matter how you feel about him, she has decided she wants to stay in a relationship with this person.

    I highly doubt he is going to get up from his seat to rile up the dog and feed it inappropraite food while it is walking down the aisle.  If your other guests are threatening not to come, that is very petty of them.  Even if they don’t like this guy he is not the point, they should be coming to celebrate with you and your soon to be husband.

    The only way to not invite this guy is to not invite his partner, but if you want her there they are a package deal.

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