Only 3 weeks into wedding planning and one of my bridesmaids is driving me CRAZY

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

1. probably just jealous, i would let this go

2. where she spends her money is her choice, but i guess she wanted to suggest anyway

3. strange request, ignore this one

4. she is entitled to her opinion, but rehearsal dinners aren’t really neccessary especially if not having a rehearsal.  (i am wondering the neccessity of mine, but it is a good time to bond with guests in a less stressful environment.)

5. sounds like she likes the dress.  text is hard to analyze emotion.

you already asked her, so you can’t unask her.

 

Post # 4
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@QueenJenJen:  I do think it sounds like she’s being a little insensitive/bitchy/jealous, but she may also just be clueless and think that she’s being helpful (or at least not realize she is being hurtful).  If you already asked her to be a BM, I’d say you can’t ask her not to be a part of the bridal party. But you can tell her that she’s hurting your feelings and ask her to bite her tongue if she only has negative things to say.  I think that’s a totally fair thing to ask of a BM.

 

But especially #2 – while it isn’t right of her to request that your bachelorette party isn’t expensive (it sounds super snotty of her), please don’t think that you can monopolize all of her money and chastise her personal travel plans on account of your wedding.  THAT is a bridezilla mentality.  I traveled for personal reasons around the same time as my friends’ wedding, and though I never would have told her not to have an expensive bachelorette party, I was very irritated that I had to spend money on an unnecessary hotel room for the weekend in the same city that I live in.  I did it, but I wasn’t pleased with it.  On the other hand, if she would’ve snottily said that I shouldn’t complain about the cost of HER wedding’s events because I traveled too much for my personal reasons, I would have been furious, because that’s rude.

 

My best advice is to have a little chat with her and tell her that the way she’s talking about wedding things is hurting your feelings and ask her if she really wants to be a part of the wedding.  If so, let her know that she needs to be supportive and keep her negative feelings to herself.  It’s not fair for her to be bringing you down during an already stressful time!

Post # 5
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

She sounds jealous. If the hurtful comments continue, sit down with her and ask her what’s up. Her comment about your ring is just catty (I hate garbage like that). The bachelorette isn’t supposed to be up to  anyway, I don’t think, so the cost has nothing to do with you. Everything else is kind of “meh” – somewhere in the middle. I would say nip this in the bud now, before it blooms into something ugly.

Post # 8
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

She is probably a little jealous but I think you are overreacting to the text. Try not to respond when she says something negative maybe that would give her a cue as to cut it out. 

If you drop her, it would make the situation worse. You are not a bridezilla (at least, not yet)

Post # 10
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

1. That’s just a strange comment to make.

2. She’s probably just trying to let you know that she’s trying to be budget conscience.  I mean, with some of the crazy parties I’ve heard of, I always worry about a bride wanting to celebrate a huge expensive weekend away.  It may not be in her power to decide the party, but it is in her power to let you know that if it’s super expensive, she won’t be able to make it.

3. Not sure why she would suggest that. 

4. If you’re not having a rehearsal, you don’t have to have a dinner.  But I would be kind of off-put if there was a rehearsal and no dinner.  From where I’m from, having a rehearsal without dinner is like receiving a wedding gift and not sending a thank you.  The dinner is supposed to thank your bridal party for being there for you.  It can be as simple as ordering pizza.

5. She might have been caught up in something and just had to text a short reply.  Happens to me all the time.

 

You’re not a bridezilla, but I think you’re reading into this too deeply.

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