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This is happening to my FI , he only has his mom really as family to attend. Many have passed or are in different continents.
I feel bad for him but I know his close friends and their parents, and children have become like family. We are delighted to have them accompany us and be our guests. It counts as family to him!
Yeah, it was kind of depressing making the list of who to invite and realizing how few family members I have left. They started dropping like flies after I was six.
Luckily most of DH's enormous extended family lives in Montreal and Italy and wasn't willing/able to fly to Vancouver in February, so we ended up with pretty even numbers of family attending and the small, intimate wedding we had wanted all along.
I will be having no family at all at my wedding. It kind of hurts, yes. When I feel a bit stronger about it I was thinking of posting a thread. Yeah, it's rough, and like yours my fella has TONS of family, which just makes it worse. I'm so scared one of them will say something thoughtless and I'll burst in to tears.
I feel you.
I only have 1 grandparent ( gma passed just a couple months ago), my mom, step dad, dad and a couple aunts on my side.
FI has about the same amt of family but A LOT of our guest list is his friends and family friends.
Most of the guest list is FI's. So, I kinda understand where you are coming from.
@mriebee: I'm so scared one of them will say something thoughtless and I'll burst in to tears.
Oh I know! I'm afraid of that too!
Also I'm sorry there is nobody for you :(
@Eva Peron: If we could somehow have enough seats for them, and I invited friends that are like family, then FI would have to invite all his tons of friends too. It doesn't matter anyways because he is using all the seats we have (it's a small room).
Thank you, ThePrincessMaggie.
Fella seems to think that if anyone says anything off he's throwig them out, whereas I think people can get serious cases of hoof-in-mouth disease at awkward moments or in loaded moments (like, gee, a wedding?). I'm more for have contingency responses, a stock of memorized replies that will help you shield yourself. My MOH and I are brainstorming on them, and if you have any, please do share.
I will at least be having a number of very close friends, held at a friend's home, that kind of thing. And if someone says something along the lines of "Too bad (the rest of-for you) your family couldn't be here" saying that all my people are present and accounted for, or that all the family that matters to me is here. Then there is Miss Manner's stand by "How kind of you to be concerned"
It's not a magic solution to prevent tears, but at least it's some kind of system of defense
Hey I'm in the same situation as you! We are expecting 95 guests at our wedding, and out of that ...I only have my mom, dad, brother & his wife/2 kids that will be there for my side. All the rest of my relatives have either passed away or live in another continent. Anyways, my FI has a pretty big family and I think about 45 of them are coming. The rest are our friends. We dont even have a lot of friends going because a few of them are out of state and cant afford another plane ticket over etc.
I always feel sad when I think about not having any cousins, aunties, uncles etc at my wedding, but then again I guess the upside is that i am inheriting FI's family....
@mriebee: I don't have anything prepared yet. I had no idea what to say other than, "Yeah...." until I read your post. So thanks! Good luck to you!
@dianeanthony: I'm so sorry for you. I try to think of the good part of inheriting his family too! Most of them are sweet people.
I had a destination wedding and my large family shrunk down to only a few members that could make it. It is a little sad but look at it this way. On the day of your wedding you are going to be so happy to celebrate with the people that are there with you. If the others really want to attend they will make it happen. The people that make it are the ones that will leave an impression with you for the rest of your life. Weddings are tough like that but you will get through it, it's an exciting day just think of all the people that are there to support you.
@icecreamlover: If the others really want to attend they will make it happen.
We only have 30 seats period. We can't even invite the "others" that I haven't even ever met and my parents aren't close to at all.
But thanks.
I am the one with the large family compared to my FI and we are having a destination wedding believe it or not his whole family will be there and 5 of my family members will be there, out of 30 people. I do have family friends coming but you would think my uncles and aunts would care enough to come and share our special day with us, the problem with them is that they care only about money and not their own niece. Oh well I could care less if it were just me my FI and just the immediate family with us on that day..
We are having about 75 guests and 3 are my family members! Just my mom, brother and sister. I have a couple aunts and uncles, but I am not close to them and there is a lot of family history/drama that I dont want on my wedding day. So, it sort of sucks. Ive cried a lot about it actually. But in the end, I feel so lucky to be marrying into a great, big family :) Im sure as it gets closer I will have all sorts of emotions.
we're doing a destination wedding because of the same situation ... i have a few, FI has a lot.. we cut it down to who we wanted there and decided on destination :)
Actually we chose our location to be where we live, which is not anywhere near where ANYONE else lives to try to even it out, too. It worked out ok, I guess. We definitely were a lot closer to even on my FI's side and mine than we would've been anywhere else.
People definitely will say stupid things to you at/leading up to your wedding. I was horrified by some of the things that were said to me or said about me and got back to me, and even more by who said them...but yes, sometimes people feel that they absolutely MUST say things and don't have any filter whatsoever and blurt hurtful (and true) stuff out. I just kept trying to remind myself that they are really missing some information that I certainly did not have time to fill them in on right before/during my wedding, and tried to keep in mind that I was HOSTING a PARTY. Everyone was there for ME and my FI and have our best interests at heart, anything they are saying is somehow out of love, and the best thing to do is say thank you and change the subject or walk away and talk to someone else so they will stop talking about it....
good luck hon
At my first wedding, we had about 80 people--about 70 from his side and about 10 from mine. In some ways, it would have been nice to have more people there for me. However, I wasn't going to expand the people I invited to anyone with whom I was not close.
At my second wedding, we only had about a dozen people. This time, it was NotFroofy who lacked family to be there. (She's not in contact with her family, all of whom live in the UK.) We ended up having my immediate family plus my ex-husband and his sister, plud 4 close friends invited to be there for NotFroofy.
This is exaclty what I'm going through. There will probably be about 7 family members from my side and 40 family members from my fiance's side. Sometimes I feel sad about it, but I try to stay positive and be happy about the people who will be there.
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We are having a small ceremony at my church, around 30 people and only 4 of them are going to be there for me. It's going to be my mom, dad, brother and grandma (and actually, she's 90 and in assisted living so she might not even be able to make it...she might not be healthy enough in a few months, you never know). My FI is taking the rest of the seats with his enormous family including granparents, parents, stepgrandparents, great grandparents, brothers, sisters, aunts. It just makes me feel kind of sad. I have plenty of other family but they aren't as close; it's basically aunts and uncles that live hundreds of miles away and cousins. I only have the one grandparent left.
I feel lucky to be marrying into a large family (most of them like me and treat me like family already), but I just wish I had more family to be there to support me.
Is this happening to anyone else? Or has happened?