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Only About the Wedding

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
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    1.
    Member
    660 posts
    Busy bee
    Stacy Marie    July 24, 2010  

    Does anyone else feel like they only argue with their significant other about wedding plans?  My fiance and I got into it over the guest list AGAIN last night....ugh.  I feel like we only fight about wedding stuff....it makes me want to scrap the wedding and go to the courthouse!  Anyone else ever have those days?

     
    2.
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    Helper bee
    hellohellohello      

    YES.  The only thing I can say is, hang in there, it gets better!  My fiance and I had a number of fights in the beginning about a bunch of stuff, such as choice of venue, which city to have our wedding in, what type of wedding to have.  On top of that, I come from a large, overbearing Hispanic Catholic family who had their own ideas of how the wedding should be.  As things wear on, you'll better learn how to come to compromises with your FH, how to say NO to people like your family who might have opinions on every little thing, and what battles are worth having and which ones are not. Good luck!

     
    3.
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    Buzzing bee
    redherring    September 11, 2010   Pittsburgh, PA

    My fiance and I have been together a little over two years. The ONLY fights we've ever had have been about The Wedding. Nothing has been major, but it seems like such a stupid reason to argue!

     
    4.
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    Busy bee
    jocelyn3476       New Jersey

    We are not fighters, but we have had our moments with the wedding.  And also with our new house.  I think neither one of us is really used to making decisions with someone else. 

     
    5.
    5,478 posts
    Bee Keeper
    lilyfaith    June 23, 2012   Lakeview, Chicago

    It's a stressful thing. We didn't fight about it, but he kept saying, "I just want you to be happy" when all I wanted was input! What helped us was when I asked him to make a list of what was most important to him in the wedding (both material and otherwise) after seeing one of the Bees' blog about doing this. I think it helped him feel involved and it helped me envision "our" wedding instead of just mine. 

    Maybe once you figure out what he's envisioning, it will be easier to come to a compromise - even a guest list one. 

     
    6.
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    Bee Keeper
    KMSull    August 7, 2010   Lexington, KY (via Atlanta, GA)

    I agree with asking him what he wants, what he envisions and ultimately what he wants the day to feel like! One of the recent bees (I cannot remember for the life of me which one...Daschund, maybe) sat down and had him write out what he wanted and I think that's a really great idea! It makes his ideas known and he doesn't feel like he's just a piece of the puzzle, when really he's one of the two big pieces!

     
    7.
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    660 posts
    Busy bee
    Stacy Marie    July 24, 2010  

    @jocelyn3476...I think you've got a really good point there.  I'm very accustomed to making decision on my own, and he is too, so it's tough.  We're definitely learning to compromise!

    @lilyfaith....you're right, I need to figure out exactly what he has in mind.

     

    Thanks everyone, I'm glad it's not just me!  The fights are even worse because they're so freaking trivial...I mean, it's a guest list we're arguing about, really?  It won't matter in the grand scheme of things, so that's why its so frustrating!

     
    8.
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    Helper bee
    hellohellohello      

    I like the idea of a list and wish I had known about this site earlier in my planning.  Oh well.

     
    9.
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    904 posts
    Busy bee
    jocelyn3476       New Jersey

    Sometimes I think you just have to argue a little.  There is probably some ideal way of handling every confrontation, but it's not possible to live every moment right out of a psychology textbook.  We just remind ourselves after we argue that we are doing just fine and that it is normal and that at the end of the day, the fact that we can argue, get over it, and move on makes us stronger than had we never argued in the first place.  If you bicker every now and then but no one ever says anything you regret and you can eventually talk about what is really bothering you, then as far as I am concerned, you are doing great.

     

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