Post # 1
We have a lot of cousins and close family with children that we do not mind them being at the wedding. However, we have a lot of friends with children that we would rather not have at the wedding.
I fully understand that etiquette dictates either all or none get invited with children, but is there a way to address the invites that encourages our friends to get a babysitter.
Post # 3
“we’ll pay 10 bucks towards your sitter, hint hint” ???
Sorry, no idea ! But curious to know also !
Post # 4
1) “Adults Only Reception”
2) #___ of seats have been reserved in your honour.
3) only address the invites to who you want to invite, not the entire family. So Mr & Mrs Joe Smith, NOT “The Smith Family”.
if you’re dealing with a lot of OOT guests with children, is it possible to arrange for childcare somewhere/somehow? If so, I would put that info on your website, if you have one, or word of mouth.
Post # 5
I *think* family children is actually an OK line to draw, etiquette wise. It makes sense that you would want your family to be there, right?
Post # 6
No, there is no way to say or hint “family children only can attend” since that is very rude (aka breach of etiquette). Either invite all or none. And don’t be suprised if friends are offended and some cut off ties with you if you do invite family only but tell them to hire babysitters.
Post # 7
@Ember78: Hi Lisa105. I thought it was you.
Post # 8
We invited everyone to bring their kids, since 90% of my family is from OOT and wouldn’t have been able to come if they couldn’t bring their kids. Even though the locals were allowed to bring their kids, most of them decided on their own to leave their kids with a babysitter. Out of 150 guests, only two local kids were present, and one was an infant who obviously needed to stay with his mother, and the other was a 5th grader that I babysit for. Obviously I couldn’t stay home that night to babysit, so he came. 🙂
So you might not have anything to worry about. I think adults like nights out without kids sometimes. I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving my (theoretical) kid with people I don’t know, but if I lived in the same town/city as the wedding, I’d be happy to leave my (theoretical) kid with the regular babysitter.
Post # 9
It’s not all or none – it’s all or none within a category. Like, you can’t invite the kids of cousin A but not the kids of cousin B because they are in the same category. But you can invite the kids of family and not the kids of friends because they are totally different categories.
Saying it’s strictly all or none is like saying that you have to invite every aquaintence you’ve ever made because if you invite one friend you have to invite them all. We all draw lines places, the lines just have to be consistently followed accross the board.
ETA: Don’t tell your friends that it is an adult only reception if you will be inviting kids of family.
Post # 10
@Mrs.KMM: YES. Thank you for saying it so much better than I was thinking it.
Post # 11
Well, I certainly hope it’s okay to invite the children of family members only, because that’s what we did! We had to draw a line somewhere. It’s so tough!
Post # 12
I think it’s rude for guests to invite people who’s names are not on the invitation. If your kids names or “& Family” is not on the invitation, why would you assume they are invited?
I do not think there is a way to invite some children and not the rest without offending at least some people. Maybe the best route is to provide babysitting for all the kids? That said, I don’t think it is wrong to not invite children you are not close to to your wedding.
Post # 13
@Ember78: Actually I do believe you are incorrect on this. Can you source your info? As far as I’ve known, allowing All family is fine, its just not ok to pick and choose a mix of family and friends.
Post # 14
@bebefly: OP asked for an etiquette answer. Please don’t start drama just because you don’t agree with her answer.
Post # 15
We are only inviting our family’s children. If not, then 80% of our guest list would be another +2, which would just be ridiculous.
Of course I want all of my younger cousins there, as well as our cousin’s kids. But we can’t feasibly invite every child along with their parents.
I think people will understand.
Post # 16
Yikes ! that’s a huge generalization and assumption !
And don’t be suprised if friends are offended and some cut off ties with you if you do invite family only but tell them to hire babysitters.
Has this happend to you? I would think true friends would be understanding?