Only goal is to have a baby

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 5
Member
3718 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you need to find some other happiness in your life. Doesn’t have to be a job – volunteering, clubs, activities, something. I get wanting to have kids and be a mom, but your whole identity and happiness shouldn’t be dependent on it. It’s not healthy for you or your future kids. 

Post # 6
Member
896 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@FutureMrsB123:  To each his own.  I would not give you crazy looks if you were to tell me that your only goal is to have a child, but we would have NOTHING in common.  I think whenever we have a child he will be a very, very important part of our lives (the most important), but I do not want him or her to be all my live revolves around.  I want to continue building a career, to be independent and self-sufficient.  But not everyone feels the same way, and no one should be giving you crazy looks.  

Good luck with the baby making! 🙂  

Post # 8
Member
3119 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m sorry you’re feeling so down in the dumps, but I do agree that it’s really healthy to find some activities or interests that you really find joy in and fulfillment NOW, versus waiting and banking on a child to do that for you. Maybe exercise, or reading, or volunteering, or another hobby? I also noticed that you said you’re working now because you have to because money is really tight, but that you and your husband plan to go down to one income when you have a baby. Babies are expensive!!! So keep in mind that if money stays this tight, it’s a possibility that you may not be able to be a SAHM right off the bat.

Good luck OP!

Post # 9
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@FutureMrsB123:  In all honesty, something seems a bit off here. How old are you? Why are you trying to get pregnant before you’re even married or financially stable? 

While there is nothing at all wrong with wanting a baby, you shouldn’t use it as an excuse to sit out your own life or escape from the adult world.  Having kids is nice if that’s what you want but you shouldn’t be viewing it as the end all be all of your existence or make it the sum total of your interests in life.

First, you need to be able to support yourself.  It would foolish as well as downright irresponsible to depend on your husband to take care of you for the rest of your life. What happens if you divorce? What happens if he dies? 

Second, you need to find other interests and explore your talents. You have them, you just need to develop them.  Women who make their kids their whole life are not only boring, they create an unhappy future for themselves. Kids grow up and move on. What happens to those women then? 

It sounds like you need to give some thought as to what’s really going on here. Is it the desire for a baby or the desire to quit a boring job?

Post # 10
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

@Glasgowbound:  +1 

@FutureMrsB123:  While having children can be a great thing, you really shouldn’t base your happiness or meaning in life on future children. Yes, you will likely love being a mother, but there is no garuantee that motherhood will give you the happiness you seek. People are always much happier and succesful in relationships (whether its marriage or parenthood relationships) when they find their own personal happiness and meaning, not depending on others for it.

It seems like you are a very nurturing type. Have you thought about volunteering at an animal shelter, the children’s hospital or somewhere where you can help people/children?

Post # 11
Member
3200 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Glasgowbound:  +1

You give life to a child and at a pretty early age they live it.  I mean they establish their own hobbies and groups of friends.  Soon they’re pre-teens and want to do more and more on their own and away from you.  Oh and eventually at 18-20 they should really leave the nest to pursue their own goals.  At that moment, what would you be left with?  An empty nest and probably a servere depression.  Find what makes you tick.

Post # 12
Member
3010 posts
Sugar bee

@FutureMrsB123:  you know kids leave right? At least if they’re raised well. You need to have an interest outside of your nonexistent kids. 

Post # 13
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Why were you trying before the wedding? Why not just move the wedding up?

Post # 14
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

ZhabeegoNailed it, x100000

OP, you can’t go into TTC thinking that a baby is the only thing that’s going to fulfill your life. If things are “broken” right now, a baby will.not.fix.it. There’s nothing wrong with knowing you want children and that being a goal in your life, but it being the ONLY thing? Putting ALL of your eggs in one basket? Not healthy, especially for the children- speaking from personal experience, being 1000% focused only on the child is doing the child a disservice. And when the child leaves, the “hole” is only going to be worse for you. You cannot rely on someone else (your husband, your baby/child) to fulfill you, you need to get this sorted out long before you bring another human into the world.

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