Only inviting certain people with plus ones

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it acceptable to only invite certain guests with a plus one to my wedding?
    Yes : (41 votes)
    65 %
    No : (22 votes)
    35 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    635 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @kimmelmc:  Remember, you can do whatever the hell you want.  We have 28 guests, we did not extend any guests to any of them.  Not happy about it?  Don’t RSVP “yes”!

    Post # 4
    Member
    111 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I would invite the other people’s boyfriends.  That’s what we did, and to our surprise, two friends with boyfriends ended up RSVPing solo and leaving the boyfriends at home and came together instead.  But I still felt good that we gave them the option.  I have been invited to a wedding without my SO at the time, and I have to admit, it hurt a little that my other friends had their boyfriends/husbands there and I was alone.  With that being said, it’s your wedding, so you should do what you feel is best!

    Post # 5
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I’m getting married next year and only gonna have 50 guest and I dont plan on having plus ones for everybody. If youve know your friends for a long time and dont know their boyfriends, I wouldnt invite them, but for my close friends that hang out with us i would invite them. But if it was tight and I had to choose between them and a family member then there would be no plus ones. Nothing personal weddings are expensive and your date is too close to add to your budget. SO dont worry about it and just enjoy your wedding.

    Post # 6
    Member
    4043 posts
    Honey bee

    @kimmelmc:  While you can choose to do whatever you want, just remember that your decision WILL impact whether people will or will not attend. In the end, you have to decide if you are ok with them 1) possibly not attending if they cannot bring their BF or 2) possibly being upset after attending and seeing other people with BFs. You know your friends best and maybe they won’t mind, but the fact that you feel guilty, might be an indication they will mind…

    Also, while you haven’t hung out with their BFs, you might be sending the message (even unintentionally) that their relationships aren’t “serious” enough to get a date. You said yourself they are in serious relationships though. 

    You might also want to think about how you might have felt/responded if your FI wasn’t invited to a wedding when you were 6 months or 2 years into your relationship. It’s ultimately up to you, but these are just things to consider.

    I personally let people in relationships let bring plus ones, and we had 85 people in attendance. It was important for me that they enjoy the evening with their siginicant other, especially because weddings are about celebrating love, relationships and companionship. Nothing would be a big bummer for me than to spend a wedding without my significant other.

    Post # 7
    Member
    7216 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @bmo88:  I agree. +1s are for sake of your guests. It’s kind of inevitable with old friends that you don’t see as often, that you might not know their partners.

    Personally, if these girls were the only 2 in this situation, I would contact them and invite their partners.

    Post # 9
    Member
    906 posts
    Busy bee

    I think not inviting those two friends sigficant others is fine. You are having a small guestlist and they aren’t engaged or married. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    6513 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    A +1 is different than inviting a SO. We invited everyone with their SO. We didn’t exclude based on length of relationship or how well we knew their SO. +1’s are a different story. I think you should extend an invite to these two guests SOs. I would be a bit disgruntled if I were in a two year relationship and my SO wasn’t invited but others SOs were.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1286 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    A few weeks before our wedding we attended the wedding of a close friend. At that wedding, we learned that 2 people who we thought we single (they live across the country), were actually in committed relationships. When we thought they were single, we sent them a wedding invitation without the plus one, we quickly notified them to apologize for our mistake and assure them we would love to see their boyfriends again and to please include them in the response. Only one was able to make it, but they both appreciated the gesture. One is now married and the other is engaged. It has made every other time we saw them (including at their own wedding) so much more comfortable! If you can fit the two extra people into your venue, please invite them!

    Post # 12
    Member
    2973 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @kimmelmc:  I was giving all single people over the age of 18 +1s, however everyone in my family is saying that’s too much, those people are coming with their families and I should limit it to people who are in relationships. 

    So yeah, I’d say it’s fine. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    594 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @kimmelmc:  we limited plus ones at our wedding. Married, engaged or living together was the guideline we set for invites. But considering our wedding was 90% family members most people knew each other. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1887 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @kimmelmc:  Yes, it is acceptable as it is your wedding.  Stop over thinking it.  Weddings are stressful enough, so don’t create stress/drama where there isn’t any. You are just fine! 🙂

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    224 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @kimmelmc:  I wouldn’t go if I was one of those friends and would be really offended that my SO wasn’t invited while others were. But that’s just me. It’s your wedding though so you are completely entitled to do whatever you think is best.

    Post # 16
    Member
    78 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @kimmelmc:  I think you should let your friends bring their boyfriends. Especially the one that is letting your bachelorette take place at her house! I mean, it would only be 2 extra people, right?

    Let me tell you a personal story: A few years ago I was a bridesmaid in my cousin’s wedding. I had been with my FI (he was just my SO back then) for about 6 years – my cousin calls me up and says “Hey, if you want to bring SO to the wedding you can, just tell him to come around 10:00 PM for the dancing after we eat.” Something about that just rubbed me the wrong way. Like, he wasn’t worthy of a meal or something. It hurt my feelings that she expected me to drop $400 on a FUGLY freaking mint colored satin dress (I swear I can’t get over that ugly ass dress) and couldn’t even let me bring my man.The worst part? She let my male cousin bring his skanky/stripper looking girlfriend (and they had only been together for a year or so) to attend the entire thing. In addition to all of that, she didn’t even put me at the table with my family, she sat me with a bunch of strangers! I was LIVID. 

    I never said anything to her, but it really hurt my feelings that she invited the whole town to her wedding, but not my SO. 

    Not saying that this is what you’re doing, not at all. But just consider that your girls might feel hurt, even if they don’t say anything.

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