Post # 1
So, like everyone I’m trying to keep wedding numbers down so I’m looking at people’s partners. I don’t want to offend anyone or exclude people just because they’re not engaged or married if they’ve been in a long term relationship but I also don’t want to be the one sitting there judging how long-term is long enough. I have two ideas and I’m wondering which people think is most practical and least offensive:
1. When the save-the-dates go out (about 8 months before the wedding) to people with current partners, I will be specific on the note (e.g. address it to Sarah and John). I won’t give anyone a vague “plus one” option. Then when the time comes for invites (about 8 weeks before the wedding), if they’re not with that person anymore then they won’t be included on the invite (obviously) and if they’re with someone new then that person isn’t invited.
2. I’m planning to do an email invite and wedding website instead of paper stuff anyway so instead of sending a specific “save the date” I could just send out the email part of the invitation really early (say 8 months ahead) addressed to people and their specific current partners with the caveat “further information and RSVP opportunities to follow in October” (October being my estimate for 12 weeks before the wedding). That way people might think “Oh well, it was just unfortunate that I wasn’t with my partner when the invitations went out.” I know that really this is just disguising a “save the date” as the invitation itself.
Post # 3
@SophieExcursus: we had a lot of drama over plus ones, we did an online invite wedding site and some single friends wrote “guest” just in case they would be dating someone later!! so rude! when we confronted them they said, well i’ll just bring a friend if i’m not dating anyone by then.
now 2 weeks until the wedding we still have people trying to bring random plus ones!
prepare yourself for trying your best to be the bigger person and say “sorry, we can’t afford it.”
Post # 4
@kireifresca: I completely agree! No matter what you do, prepare to say you can’t accomodate more peole.
The whole +1 thing has been so frustrating!! People will break up or find new bfs/gfs between the time you send the STDs and the wedding. And singles will want to bring a friend or a parent or someone! We’re at capacity for our venue so I have just had to tell people that I will let them know if we can accomodate their +1 once we get our RSVPs back.
Post # 5
Following because I’m wrestling with the same question and interested in input…
Post # 6
@SophieExcursus: option 1 makes the most sense to me.
Post # 7
@SophieExcursus: I think it’s nicer to put names “Sarah and John”, not “Sarah and Guest” anwyays. Then you’ve solved the issue of flavor-of-the-week dates AND you’re acknowledging people’s relationships/SOs.
Post # 8
We’ve come up with a set of rules that seem fair and like they’ll create a good atmosphere:
Only couples engaged, married or living together unless:
– They are in the wedding party
– They don’t know anyone else at the wedding and have a known partner at the time of inviations being sent out
– They have a partner when the invitations go out and only know one person at the wedding and that person is bringing a partner
– They are over 30 and have a partner when the invitations go out
And, of course, specific names only on the invitation not “plus one” or “and guest.”
After people RSVP they will recieve a response along the lines of “We look forward to celebrating with you. We have reserved __ seat/s in your honour.”
What do you guys think?
Post # 9
@SophieExcursus: I think that’s fair, clear, and tactful.