Post # 1
Well, I have posted on here before but don’t want to use that name for this post. Well, married 3 weeks and the sex, I hate to say this, is bland. My man has a problem with premature ejaculation, I think that’s what it’s called. I haven’t talked to anyone except him about this. He lasts seriously only like 1 min or less and then he’s ready to have his. He just says he’s sensitive. I think those numbing creams make him soft, but do help(a little), that is, if he doesn’t get too soft. Sometimes he can’t get hard at all with those dumb creams. He’s great at oral sex, just great. But I can’t have sex with him. He goes in and he is like already ready to have one and I just can’t take it, I want so much to have sex with my husband but can’t. I was thinking Viagra? But he’s got higher blood pressure, so I am not sure if that would be good and I don’t know if that pill would do anything for this problem anyway. He says we just need practice, but we aren’t practicing. And honestly.. I don’t think practicing would do much. And he’s too tired lately or has been overeating and then he’s not in the mood cause he’s too full. Tonight, he leads me on and then says, I am hungry?? So, I was like ok, maybe after you eat? He’s like ya, then eats, goes to the bathroom after to do number 2 for like a half an hour, comes out and then says he’s too tired? He did have a very long day today..but why lead me on? It seems like he likes food more than sex? Sometimes..the very very rare chance we do have sex more than once..the sensitivity eases up but not by much at all, not enough to have sex very long at all. And he still has to stop like less than one min after he’s in. Then back in..then like 30 sec later has to pull out cause “it’s to much for him”. It’s just like 15 min of him not moving in me at all. He just stays in there cause if he moves, he will have one. It’s really bad. Wedding night, we didn’t have sex..it was just touching..he was just to sensititve to have sex at all. This is really bad and it makes me sad cause I heard the neighbors up having sex loud, the girl is screaming and moaning and all I can think of is..that I am kind of jealous. I am not too excited sexually for him..it’s pretty much just oral..which is great but I would like to feel him, you know? And our intimacy isn’t passionate or exciting..it just seems like something we do sometimes..like brushing teeth..I know, sounds pretty harsh but I don’t know what else to say? I love him dearly..but there is no passion. Meaning that we don’t seem irresistibly in love and irresistibly attracted to one another. We just got married, I don’t get it? I feel sad, I mean..I thought marriage was going to be amazing sex wise. Just really sad here guys. I don’t mean to talk bad about my husband at all, he’s the sweetest guy out there. It’s just we don’t seem passionately in love we don’t seem excited about sex..sometimes I would rather play a board game then to be intimate..I don’t know what is going on? Married life isn’t what I thought it would be..the sex part anyway..I am sad..I don’t know if this is going to get better. I don’t know what we can do about all this. Sorry if this was long, thx beehive. Oh ya.. Note: we are not into anything else but each other..so..please don’t mention things like sex toys or freaking nasty crap on the net k? If it’s not my husband’s penis, I don’t want it:). And same for him, we only want each other. I just need to know if this problem can get better or if there is a medication out there..I haven’t heard of any. Or technique? I think I heard once to kind of hold the penis, almost pinch it or something before he has one..like grip it hard or something..ugh..I really don’t want to do that? Such a mood killer really. Sad here guys. Anyone else have this problem? I feel like we are like senior citizens and aren’t excited about sex anymore..it’s only been 3 freaking weeks:(. I don’t even get wet for him before sex cause I know what’s going to happen..or not going to happen..I know that may be bad but really, it’s that bad:(. thanks.
Post # 3
Were you having sex before marriage? If so, was it good then, or just the same?
Post # 4
Well, honestly we were having sex before marriage about a 1 yr and 1/2 ago or so and then we both agreed to wait until marriage to have sex. So we were completely abstinent that entire time..no sex, no nothing. We wanted to wait till we felt it was right, until marriage. Yes, this was a problem before..
Post # 5
I have heard that if a guy masterbates a little while before sex than he can last longer when you have sexual intercourse. Has he ever tried that?
Have you tried to do more foreplay with no expectation of sexual intercourse and focus on how good that feels for you? Maybe that will help you with building up the passion and excitement sexually again for him.
Post # 6
I can’t comment or offer advice on medical issues, but I would suggest maybe taking more time for foreplay. Sort of “get yours” before moving on to the actual sex, until that itself is solved. It doesn’t have to all be oral, just take your time with each other. If you think he has a medical issue definitely consult a doctor.
Post # 7
We don’t masterbate..we just want each other..so..I know that may seem weird to some people but we don’t do that..maybe here was not a great place to talk about these things..cause now people may think we are weird cause we don’t do that..we really just want each other..it may sound weird but that’s how we roll. Maybe here wasn’t a good place to come…I think I will go now..thanks anyway bees. I wasn’t offended in anyway…just I will try to figure this out somehow..I don’t know. Foreplay is a good idea…we do that..but even then..the sex just doesn’t happen. Maybe he will go see a doctor..idk. Thanks:).
Post # 8
Masturbation is completely normal. And if you do do it, doesnt mean you dont want each other. Maybe you need to do something from your side to try and maybe tease him a little so that he can get turned on and then leave him and see if it drives him mad? What i mean is like do something sexy for him and leave him hanging a little and he may just surprise you? Maybe you need to try something different to spice it up a little. i have also heard of that pinching thing although i dont know if it works, never had to try it.
Unless he really does have a slight problem and that is why he is avoiding you because he is embarrassed. I dont know – just a thought. But that is what i gather from what you mentioned.
Post # 9
Hi OP, I would suggest going to a men’s sexual health forum, if WB isn’t offering you the type of advice you were looking for. Good luck!
Post # 10
I would suggest he go to the doctor, it could be something relatively simple.
Post # 11
@nuleewed:I sent you a message with my thoughts on it.
Post # 12
It sounds like he’s coping with his insecurity or embarassment of not pleasing you with other things — for example food. I think posting this on a health or men’s health board would get you some more answers, but talking to a doctor would be beneficial. There may be other methods to help him last longer than Viagara that a doctor can discuss.
I hope things get better.
Post # 13
One thing to keep in mind – Viagra is for men who can’t get erections, not who have problems with premature ejaculation.
I love Dr. Drew so I listen to loveline all the time – this is his general suggestion for couples with this problem:
Generally, men find that if they masturbate to completion/ejaculation before having sex, they tend to last longer the second time around. Also – does your DH remain really sensitive after he ejaculates, or is he able to go for a second round pretty quickly after? That could help too, maybe just to try and keep going.
I can respect your desire not to masturbate, but have you ever considered doing it together or doing it to each other? Maybe you could do that first and then have intercourse afterwards.
Post # 14
I’m no expert but I thought the OP said her husband does have a problem, not just with premature ejaculation, but also with an erection. So viagra or something might help, no? And I think there may be an underlying psychological issue with this, truly I do. That may be why abstaining throughout the engagement really suited him. And I agree with the other PPs who said that eating is substituting for sex, or that he’s eating and making himself bloated and full and tired so he doesn’t have sex. Not sure which came first – chicken or egg here – but poor sexual performance (so embarassing for a guy) has made your husband kind of phobic about sex/intercourse. And as you obviously seem to know, this is a very important part of your marriage; it’s not everything, but it’s pretty significant and you recognize that the two of you are having a big problem that is likely to infect everything else between you. He, or you both, should see a counselor for starters. I strongly believe he should see a psychotherapist or psychiatrist and not only a medical doctor (for his high blood pressure, weight and so forth) because he has an issue that likely has strong underlying psychological factors. Again, I’m no expert but so sounds like a boyfriend I dated for a while… and seeing a psychiatrist has really helped him in this department and in life in general.
Post # 15
Viagra won’t keep him from coming prematurely, it’ll just make things a little painful if he comes, is still hard, and that lasts for a while. May be worth trying if his doctor OKs it with his blood pressure problems, but don’t be surprised if it does not work like you want.
I think you should reevaluate why you aren’t open to any sort of toy, especially if it is your husband using it with you. It’s still “him”, but it is more pleasurable for him.
Also, how often are you having sex? If it isn’t often, that could also be the issue. Men tend to come a lot faster if the sex/orgasm isn’t happening regularly. A lot of guys help this by masterbating, as others have told you. He could still masterbate while thinking of you – I wouldn’t be surprised if he does, but feels like he can’t talk to you about it. I think it’s something you should encourage him to do if he really doesn’t. it could really help you guys.
Post # 16
Maybe you both should go to a sex therapist. Also, I totally agree with the other person who suggested him going to the doctor as well.