(Closed) Only strong couples survive cheating…. What do you think?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Do you think you can survive cheating?
    No, not worth the pain. : (273 votes)
    63 %
    Yes, marriage is forever. : (160 votes)
    37 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    A lot depends of the situation, but I don’t think I’d want to reconcile with my husband if he cheated. First off, it would be very hard to forgive him for doing that to me. Secondly, it would be hard (or even impossible) to avoid being constantly suspicious because cheating can be a pattern in many cases.

    I really don’t think it necessarily had to do with personal strength. I probably could forgive him, but I probably wouldn’t want to go through the effort to do that for someone who cheated on me. It may not be a popular view, but I’d rather be alone or start over with someone new than put more effort into a relationship with a cheater.

    Post # 4
    Member
    415 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I would be devastated, but I would try my best to find a way to forgive him.  It takes a lot of work and not all couples can do it.  My cousin had a really bad one, her husband cheated with another woman long term, and actually was going to leave the marriage for the other woman.  They have two kids, and somehow managed to work through it and are back togetehr and slogging along.  I don’t know if it’s loving behind closed doors, but I figure if they could get through something so extreme there’s hope for anyone.

    On the other hand I have told him the relationship would be over immediately.  If he’s ever tempted I don’t want him to think he might be able to do it and still keep me.  Is that horrible?

    Post # 5
    Member
    4150 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    If you’re a strong couple, why is there cheating happening in the first place?

    If my husband ever cheated, I don’t think I could forgive him.  And I don’t think he would forgive me if I did the same to him and I wouldn’t expect him to.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1438 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I always believe in the saying “Once a cheater always a cheater.” I believe that if you forgive them & take them back, they will think you are fine with it, and they will cheat again and think everything is ok. If my husband cheated on me I would leave him, When we got married its a commitment to stay together forever, and share your love with only that person, no one else. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2548 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think it can be forgiven definitely. People mess up, and some mess ups are huge, but I love my husband, and I know he loves me. If he cheated, I would think it would be a moment/moments of confusion and desperation, and I would want to work through that, if he wanted to. Obiouvlsy though, it is alot easier said than done, but we have a family, so it wouldn’t only be the relationship that is broken if I just threw in the towel, but the family.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2902 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Ooh a 50/50 split in the polls. 

    I really think each situation is different. I hate all cheating but I could possibly forgive a quick drunken shag that was admitted and regretted over a long emotional relationship that was caught. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    535 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    @Ryansgirl:  I could not agree more

    Post # 10
    Member
    152 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    For me it would depend on: drunken one night stand he told me about the next day, or multiple offense affair that I had to discover myself?

    Post # 11
    Member
    3771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    I think it’s possible, but a lot of things would need to happen.  He would need to be the one to admit it and not have been caught, he would need to be repentant and willing to do whatever it takes to reconcile our marriage/relationship (counseling, cutting off contact, access to any means of communication, etc. etc.), and he would need to suck up like crazy!  Not to mention if it happened again it is over, of course.  If any of those things are missing, it would not work.  

    I have been through this (altho to be fair, when it happened our relationship was not as strong as it is now), all of the above happened, and we are still together and now engaged.  But because it’s happened once, I could not forgive it again.

    Post # 12
    Member
    9825 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    It’s circumstantial. I’d be more likely to forgive a moment of weakness one night stand situation that he immediately admitted to, than say an ongoing sexual and emotional affair. If my SO went through great lengths to hide his infidelity and lie to me about it I could not forgive that.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2183 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

    I hope to god I never have to find out.

    I just don’t think I could look at him the same way.

    Post # 14
    Member
    4713 posts
    Honey bee

    @Ryansgirl:  +1. I don’t think a “strong couple” would have a cheating problem to begin with. 

    Getting past something like that could make you a strong couple, though. 

    FH’s mother cheated and he was the one who caught her. So he was the one who had to call his dad and break his heart. They divorced shortly after. His mom married the guy she was cheating with maybe 6 months later. FH told me flat-out that he would leave me, no questions asked, if he found out that I cheated on him. After all that, I wouldn’t expect anything less. He used to be the kinda guy who cheated on his girlfriends, but not since his parents’ divorce. It completely changed him. Now, cheating is the last thing I have to worry about. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1098 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I know several trainwreck couples where the people have no business being together and where one of the partners has cheated, sometimes repeatedly, and they are still together and it’s not because they are strong couples it’s because they are weak and don’t realize they deserve better. So no, I don’t believe only strong couples can overcome infedelity.

    Post # 16
    Member
    10714 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I believe were a strong couple, I also believe strong couples don’t cheat. If my husband cheated on me I guess I would be proven wrong on the strength of our marriage because that would mean he already gave up on me. I’m not into one sided relationships and I believe once a cheater always a cheater. I would be out of there so fast.

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