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Oooops!! My FI and I (despite him being a vicar) have a slight penchant for "doing the dirty" in unusual places - we even managed the vestry on a Sunday right before the service! So while it was raining momentarily over the weekend Simon and I ran inside for some cover and chose a secluded corner to ......... fill the time. And then this morning we had a very odd conversation with one of the elderly members of the flower arranging committee about morals and sex before marriage and the sanctity of the church. She also said how she " just popped in to the church on saturday morning and noticed he was busy", so she just left the flowers in the church porch. Now were getting some very odd looks around the area. Oooops what is protocall for such events?
Ha ha, I don't know about the protocol, sorry, but that did make me laugh!
Vicars are allowed to have fun too ; )
Um, if you bang in church and you get caught, you sorta have to listen to the old ladies talk about you!
My advice: don't do it in public!!!!!
I have to agree with ejs4y8. Could there be any better thing to happen at church to create gossip?! Come on now!!! LOL!
Yikes - I think you just have to wait for the church gossip to die down on its own, or hope someone else gets caught doing something they shouldnt (to take the heat off you two!)
I think you just have to chalk this up to a lesson learned the hard way (the lesson being don't have public sex at church!lol)
lol...just dont confirm or deny the rumors! it will die down eventually
Seriously? The protocol is to be incredibly contrite and apologetic to anyone who confronts you, and to swear up and down never to do something so disrespectful and foolish again. And to grow up.
I hate to be such a prude about this but the whole incident smacks of bad breeding and immaturity. It kind of makes me sick, frankly.
Believe me when I say I am very open minded, but seriously? Having sex on a Sunday with your fiance who is a church official INSIDE THE SANCTUARY? That's disgusting.
Yeah, I don't want to judge, and public places (barring arrest) are all good and fine, but church grounds...kinda disrespectful. Apologies are in order, as well as a promise not to do it again. Sets a bad example.
I have nothing against some more public or daring exploits. However, I have to agree with greenleafmountain and texaslawgirl. Having sex in the vestry is not only immature, it is disrespectful to the church itself, the beliefs it signifies, and the believers who attend. This is a sacred place, and the church member was correct to lecture you about the sanctity of it. Perhaps you do not find the church to be sacred (at least, those actions seem to suggest you don't), but others who go there likely do- and it is very disrespectful to them to laugh in the face of that. I think contrite apologies are definitely in order. Also, maybe a little more self control?
I agree with Texaslawgirl. That is very disrepctful to do it in the church. What are you animals?? get a hotel room, i mean even my 16 year old sister can resist the temptation with her bf and go to a hotel room instead of doing it wherever they please. You and your Fiancee are rude and disrespectful.
Just re-read the original post and saw that you're marrying a vicar. Another thing to consider here is that these types of exploits in the church have the potential to jeopardize his job or work as a vicar-- if it gets out from a more gossipy church member, some of the congregation may be less likely to respect him and more likely to speak negatively of him. They may also tell any supervisors or higher-ups (if he has any), which could really be harmful.
+1 texaslawgirl
Seriously???!!! Why on earth would you want to do it in church? On Sunday??? Come on!
I don't understand why:
1) as a vicar, he would engage in such behaviour
2) as his FI who loves him and cares about him, you would do something like that, that in principle, goes against his values, and could oh so negatively affect his career.
It was definitely not the best decision, from both of you.
That being said, no matter how appaled I am by that, I'm not writing to judge you, but to advise, as you requested.
Do not lie, but don't bring it up. If confronted, be honest and repentant - and mean it! Learn from that mistake that could cost you two so much, never do it again; and use what you have learned to teach others and be useful.
I think that the worst in this situation is that you seem to be taking this lightly, if it wasn't for the weird looks... You don't seem to realize how disrespectful this is...
what a horrible example for him to set as someone who is supposed to be a walking representive for morals and goodness. i cant believe that people would look up to someone who, himself, does not hold his own life style to a higher standard. what a terrible example.
plus, (although not my personal opinion) he really shouldnt be having sex before marriage, let alone in his church.
the worst part is that you dont even seem remorseful in the slightest. you actually seem a little proud, slightly amused, and not honesly ashamed.
you should be mortified, and ashamed.
I think protocol would be
1) don't get caught
and 2) don't get it on in a church on the most popular day of the week or... any day? lol
i'm sure you could find another corner in another building to duck into if the urge was that strong, right?
Wow. I can only hope this is a joke. I mean, really? You guys AREN'T married, (I personally do not have a problem with premarital sex, but his church probably does). You are blatantly disrespecting the church that you guys are not only members of, but that he is the vicar of. There are appropriate times and places for sex....a church is probably the single most INappropriate place you two could have chosen. He could lose his job for this, and I would not blame the congregation for wanting him dismissed. It's clear neither of you respect the church or what it symbolizes, and a person who doesn't respect the sanctity of the church should probably not be a leader in it.
If you are lucky, and truly apologetic, you can hope this will blow over in time.
People have different opinions about premarital sex, sex in public, etc, and I'll say to each their own. In particular, I'm sure many would say that it is somewhat hypocritical for a vicar to be having sex before marriage, but you know what? That's your business and not mine.
However, having sex in church is so ridiculously disrespectful, I don't even know what to say about that. You just don't do that. Especially as a religious figure. I could never respect someone after seeing them do that.
And the fact that you posted this story here is also sort of disturbing. Some couples like to share stories about the wildest places they've had sex or whatever, and when I've seen those types of threads on here, I usually think it's harmless/entertaining to read. But this is really not something to show off about.
I'm having trouble believing this is real. If it is, you have to be ready to deal with consequences of actions like this. Period.
Also, no matter your beliefs, the church IS sacred, so those who know have every right to be giving you weird looks.
Wow. I don't know what's worse...that you and your vicar FI actually had sex in the church or that you're laughingly bragging about it on weddingbee. It's really a shame that both you and your fiance showed such immaturity and disrespect to your church, your congration, God, your fiance's career and to yourselves.
I hope it won't negatively affect his carreer, but if a few snickers is all you are getting, i'd be very grateful. I think he could lose his job...
WOWZA! I hope this is a joke. I am all for fun and doing it in weird places but I would never EVER do it in a church. My FI wouldnt even think of that!
Hey Ladies,
I know this is really upsetting to most of us to read, but can we try and not be as judgemental on her??? I know many of us do not agree with what she has done, but maybe she is coming here to tell us about it since it is a really embarrassing situation, and she has nowhere else to (somewhat) anonomously turn to. Please don't be so harsh on her!!!
Again, not saying what she did is right, and I know its upsetting to read about, but I'm sure we all aren't angels walking around here...Just saying.
Ok, I have to say this because I am a huge fan of British comedies....naughty vicar. ;)
I think that’s hilarious!!!
I don’t think its gross or offensive, It cracked me up! I was always trying to get FI to get it on in places but he’s soo not into that! I’m kinda jealous your FI is! I say keep doing what ur doing!
dont comfirm or deny it. Just wait for it to die down a little.
Vicarswifeintraining - I've read some of your other posts and you talk about being an atheist and not being the "typical" vicar's wife (to be) such as wanting to work after marriage. I would definitely encourage you to apologize for your actions and make a conscious decision to not allow this type of behavior to happen in the future. You may already have a hard time connecting with the members because of your different views than the church. This mistake won't make it any easier. I hope for your sake that this activity won't jeopardize your fiance's job prospects.
Actually, rereading the original post, it sounds like this isn't the first time this has happened, since she mentions a Saturday and a Sunday. I like British comedies too, but a lot of things happens in movies that shouldn't happen in real life....I thought it was a distasteful scene to put in a movie, but in real life?
If this really is going on more than once, it probably SHOULD jeopardize his job prospects. Like others have mentioned, I think the worst thing about it is that there seems to be a complete lack of remorse. But then if you are indeed an atheist, as EvaBostonTerrier mentioned, perhaps that's why you don't see a problem with your actions. Unfortunately for you, the congregation seems to have a problem with your actions. I would learn a little restraint and remorse...it might go a long way toward saving your FI's job, assuming that's what you two actually want.
@mishelleez- you may think it's hilarious, but surely you recognize that the parish members will not. Her FI could lose his job over this. If I were a member of this church I would certainly complain to the next higher up. I don't care what anyone's opinion is on premarital sex or sex in public, this is disrespectful in the highest degree. The fact that VWIT came here to discuss it is such a cavalier, light hearted manner makes me think she doesn't even understand why anyone might object.
I sincerely hope this is fake.
Oh dear I seem to have really upset some of you - and I'm really sorry. For those of you upset about premarital sex - then I am very sorry but we will have to agree to disagree, my FI and myself have been courting for 3 years - we are not celibate and neither of us are virgins and neither of us pretend to be. I am really upset that you think that I'm taking this lightly - I'm upset that we got caught - we both burst out laughing when we realized his parishioners subtle hints. No we don't find it funny but really awkward and which is why I came on here to ask what to do. We both apologized to the parishioner and meant it. It was silly.
I'm more upset though at what some of you have said to me - I may be an atheist but that doesn't mean that I don't understand the sanctity of a church - my FI and I both know it was unsuitable but my FI believes (and I agree) that sex is natural and beautiful and when it is happening between a couple like ourselves - who have every intention of staying together - then it's fine. We aren't talking about some quick fumble - this is a engaged couple "making love" in the house of God.
Disapprove by all means but don't judge me and certainly don't say that my FI's job SHOULD be jeopardized - having never met either of us I don't believe you have the authority to make comment on his abilities as a vicar, he is the kindest, most understanding, helpful and non judgmental man who I am very lucky to be marrying.
I am very sorry to have offended and upset so many of you It was not my intention - I intended to share a embarrassing story and get some advice - thank you to those of you who offered me advice.
We aren't talking about some quick fumble - this is a engaged couple "making love" in the house of God.
I'm an atheist too and even I know that is wrong. You had sex in a "house of God" and your attitude is basically saying "f*** you" to every person who enters that building looking for help, guidance, comfort, direction, and love. How can you be so uncaring toward other people and their beliefs which they hold dear to themselves?
The problem with most atheists is they have no empathy for other people nor other people's religions so they tend to be insenstive about it. I've read up on many religions because I find them fascinating, but I would never think to offend them just because I don't understand. You need some manners!
rebeltreble -- Tread carefully. You're doing no better than what you condemn VWIT for by making the statement "The problem with most atheists is they have no empathy for other people nor other people's religions so they tend to be insenstive about it."
Disgusting. I hope this isn't real. How disrespectful- and this doesn't speak highly of your fiance as well. Not only is this incredibly embarassing (and rightfully so), but you could damage his career. What fiance would knowingly damage their future husband's career?
I don't think your situation exists :) This reads like a terrible romance novel.
@ rebeltreble
I am not saying anything of the sort, I have an A level in religious studies I also have 2 O levels in the same I understand religion and given that I'm marrying a vicar I understand how much religion matters to people. To say that I have "no empathy for other people nor other people's religions" is not only wrong but also incredibly rude. If you think that I am saying "F**k you" then you are greatly mistaken. I wasn't out to offend anyone, we were caught out - and are both sorry and embarrassed.
As well as the funny looks and whispering we have met several lovely people who have spoken to my FI about how they have being defended us to others because in they're opinion we are an engaged couple who love and respect one another and I am very proud that my FI has such understanding and open minded parishioners in his parish, and ones who will defend him.
What you did was 110% disrespectful. Obviously you don't feel bad about what you did because you seem to be trying to justify it, which is making you sound a million times worse. I don't think you're sorry or embarrassed at all- you said yourself that you're "uspet you got caught." Oh and it's really hard for people to believe that you're sorry when you say things like "we both burst out laughing when we realized his parishoner's subtle hints." You are lucky that parishoner had enough class to be subtle. Most would not have been.
A house of God is a place of WORSHIP- not a place for having SEX. Grow up and keep your "lovemaking" out of church. No one wants to see or hear that. If that's what you and your FI think church is for, then perhaps you should both stay home.
I don't think your intent was to share your embarrassing story and "seek advice"- I think you thought what you did was cheeky and humorous. I'm glad to see I'm not the only bee who completely disagrees with you.
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