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Dude, you have to put your foot down. You have enough stress the day of your wedding; you deserve to have a BATHROOM to yourself. Sheesh.
On the other hand, I don't see what's wrong with them staying in an empty unfinished house if that's what they want to do. I don't really see what your objection is there, unless you're afraid they'd mess something up.
UNCOOL. Have a very honest discussion with your mom/family - you definitely need some space to yourself!!!
@mightywombat: Well the thing is, they don't know it will be unfinished (they will expect it to be done by the time they get there)...I hate to say it but they're sort of a high-maintenance family and expect a LOT, and would expect it to be ready "for them." :/
My mom's family (both her brother and his family and her sister and her family) are staying with us. But I have my own little space and own bathroom that will be off limits, so I don't really care. The only problem is that I don't get a long with them and can't stand them!
EDIT: in your case, I dont think they should stay with you, maybe your mom can talk to them?
I would really want my own space on that day. I know Mr.ND's fam is going to PACK his house, so I was all over getting a hotel room for myself the night before. My MOH offered to let me sleep at her house in the guest room - own bathroom, make me breakfast, etc. Maybe one of your ladies would be happy to host you? I know I wouldn't be happy having 3 or 4 extra people to share a bathroom with on my big day, I need my wake-up routine and not family/strangers in my personal space.
And I wouldn't invite them to the rehearsal dinner, as long as you're not inviting other OOT guests that aren't in the wedding. Just because they get there a day early doesn't mean they deserve to attend.
So tell them that! "You're welcome to stay there, but it will be unfinished. Bring a sleeping bag."
Edit - sorry, I hope I didn't sound harsh. But these people are being really unreasonable. Am I right in thinking that you and/or your mom have a hard time saying no to people? This isn't being a bridezilla; this is setting your own very reasonable boundaries. You should tell them politely that you simply can't have that many people in your house as you get ready for your wedding. They are welcome to stay in the other house, but it won't be finished. Otherwise, they can find a hotel room or other family to stay with.
i think it's incredibly rude that they would expect you to be responsible for their lodging. that would be a lot of people to cram into a house. the night before your wedding isn't a time for people to be stressing about entertaining guests. you should be able to relax. i don't know the details of the other house you're fixing up, but if it yours and you've been waiting for your wedding to stay there, it really doesn't seem like her place to be offering it to others. i'm sorry! i hope they understand that it would just be too many people & you'd love to see them at the wedding (that they came to from their HOTEL room!)
I agree with you that this would suck, but as YOU are already a GUEST at your mom's house, it's up to her. You can definately state your case to her, but you have to respect whatever decision she makes. If she decides relatives can stay at her house, you have the option to get a hotel room to get ready in.
I so would be unhappy if my mom tried this. Also, she can't invite people into you and your FI's home. She CAN, however, do whatever she wants with her own. Unfortunately. I would maybe get ready somewhere else if I were you - that does NOT sound comfortable.
@mightywombat: No you didn't sound harsh! I appreciate your honesty :) And yes, my family does have a hard time saying no...lol!
Is there any way at all that you could sneak out to get ready at a friend's or nearby hotel or something? Anything?!
My cousin is staying with me the night before, but she is a broke college student and I will be getting ready elsewhere. Totally different in your situation. EVERYONE would be more comfortable if they got a hotel room. I'm a little snarky, so I would say something like this to the OOT guests, "I understand money is a problem, and if you need help getting a hotel room, I am sure I can help you somehow." I would hope it would embarrass them into getting a room. But I would also be willing to actually pay for the room if it came to it. It would be worth it! What a crap situation, though. It will be so stressful for you to have them there day of.
ETA- See if your dad will tell them since you are shy and not close and he seems to be on your side. :)
@Miss_Lily: Totally understand. It's something my mom and I both have to work on too! Maybe you can consider this "assertiveness training."
Honestly, we ended up having my grandma and my aunt staying with my hubby and I at my parents house the night before and it was fine. I wasn't too thrilled about it to begin with (my parents have their own bathroom, but ours was the one everyone else uses), but it ended up working out just fine. I honestly didn't even notice they were there in any other way besides having fun visiting with them. :)
So I think your mom is kind of out of line, BUT I know that the day of my wedding I was getting ready hours before everyone else, so there was no fighting over the bathroom--even though I was sharing it with several OOT guests. You'll probably be at your venue, what, a few hours before the wedding, all dressed and ready to go? My guests I'm sure weren't getting ready until an hour before the wedding. So hopefully you won't have to fight over the bathroom, even if they do end up staying at your parents house!
I think you just need to be clear with them that there will be a lot of stress on the morning of the wedding, and you've always dreamed of it being a morning to spend with just your bridesmaids. You could also say that you want your entire look to be a surprise, and suggest that they go out for a big breakfast at the time you'll be getting ready. Heck, maybe you could even make them breakfast reservations somewhere?
I think its bit much, and would ask my mom to reconsider. IMO they are being insensitive. Clearly THEY should stay at hotel to make things easier on everybody. But if they can't see it that way, would you consider renting a hotel room? I'd rather spend some additional funds to get my piece of mind than to convince anyone that I need space.
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Is this normal? Well, I still live with my parents and was obviously going to stay here the night before the wedding too, and get ready here in my own room, bathroom, etc.
My aunt will be staying with us from FL because she is doing my hair the day of, and she's my MOH, so that's totally not a problem.
However...my aunt, uncle, and cousin from FL said "oh no, we want to come to the wedding but don't have a place to stay."
Well...they knew about the wedding date and location for 8 months but all of a sudden they don't have a place to stay...and are kind of inviting them to stay here with my parents. They have more than enough money to stay in a hotel but don't want to shell out the cash to do so.
Do you think it's inappropriate for them to invite themselves to stay at my parents house the night before the wedding? They ARE family but we're not close and I don't feel comfortable trying to get ready with them all around me sharing ONE bathroom (my parents have their own master bath so they're obviously ok with them staying). So now, I'm freaking out that I won't have enough time and space to get ready for my own wedding and I really wanted to stay in the comfort of my own home before getting married :(
My fiance and I both live at home still but we've been working hard on fixing up a house (nearby) and my MOM suggested that maybe they could stay THERE the night before the wedding and the night after the wedding? OMG she thinks it is "totally fine" for them to stay there before even we have a chance to live there together...plus it's not going to be all the way ready (still have to get new appliances set up and working in the kitchen, no beds in the house yet, no master vanity with sink, no furniture...etc). My dad says it's totally inappropriate but for some reason my mom thinks it's fine because no one will be using all that "extra space" (our house) during that time.
Also, do they HAVE to come to the rehearsal? They're not going to be in the wedding but I am already so shy and don't want people I'm not that comfortable with to be watching me "practice" getting married before the big day.