(Closed) OOT guests staying at parent’s house (with me there too) night before wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it ok to have OOT guests (not in wedding party) to stay with you the night before the wedding?
    Yes, it should be fine! : (8 votes)
    24 %
    No way! : (14 votes)
    41 %
    Depends on who it is... : (12 votes)
    35 %
    Other...explain below. : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5096 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Dude, you have to put your foot down. You have enough stress the day of your wedding; you deserve to have a BATHROOM to yourself. Sheesh.

    On the other hand, I don’t see what’s wrong with them staying in an empty unfinished house if that’s what they want to do. I don’t really see what your objection is there, unless you’re afraid they’d mess something up.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4887 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    UNCOOL.  Have a very honest discussion with your mom/family – you definitely need some space to yourself!!!

    Post # 6
    Member
    159 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    My mom’s family (both her brother and his family and her sister and her family) are staying with us. But I have my own little space and own bathroom that will be off limits, so I don’t really care. The only problem is that I don’t get a long with them and can’t stand them!

    EDIT: in your case, I dont think they should stay with you, maybe your mom can talk to them?

    Post # 7
    Member
    5118 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would really want my own space on that day. I know Mr.ND’s fam is going to PACK his house, so I was all over getting a hotel room for myself the night before. My MOH offered to let me sleep at her house in the guest room – own bathroom, make me breakfast, etc. Maybe one of your ladies would be happy to host you? I know I wouldn’t be happy having 3 or 4 extra people to share a bathroom with on my big day, I need my wake-up routine and not family/strangers in my personal space.

    And I wouldn’t invite them to the rehearsal dinner, as long as you’re not inviting other OOT guests that aren’t in the wedding. Just because they get there a day early doesn’t mean they deserve to attend. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    5096 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @Miss_Lily:

    So tell them that!  “You’re welcome to stay there, but it will be unfinished.  Bring a sleeping bag.”

    Edit – sorry, I hope I didn’t sound harsh. But these people are being really unreasonable.  Am I right in thinking that you and/or your mom have a hard time saying no to people?  This isn’t being a bridezilla; this is setting your own very reasonable boundaries.  You should tell them politely that you simply can’t have that many people in your house as you get ready for your wedding.  They are welcome to stay in the other house, but it won’t be finished. Otherwise, they can find a hotel room or other family to stay with. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    747 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    i think it’s incredibly rude that they would expect you to be responsible for their lodging. that would be a lot of people to cram into a house. the night before your wedding isn’t a time for people to be stressing about entertaining guests. you should be able to relax. i don’t know the details of the other house you’re fixing up, but if it yours and you’ve been waiting for your wedding to stay there, it really doesn’t seem like her place to be offering it to others. i’m sorry! i hope they understand that it would just be too many people & you’d love to see them at the wedding (that they came to from their HOTEL room!)

    Post # 10
    Member
    646 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I agree with you that this would suck, but as YOU are already a GUEST at your mom’s house, it’s up to her. You can definately state your case to her, but you have to respect whatever decision she makes. If she decides relatives can stay at her house, you have the option to get a hotel room to get ready in.

    Post # 11
    Member
    6893 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I so would be unhappy if my mom tried this. Also, she can’t invite people into you and your FI’s home. She CAN, however, do whatever she wants with her own. Unfortunately. I would maybe get ready somewhere else if I were you – that does NOT sound comfortable.

    Post # 13
    Member
    4887 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Is there any way at all that you could sneak out to get ready at a friend’s or nearby hotel or something? Anything?!

    Post # 14
    Member
    550 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    My cousin is staying with me the night before, but she is a broke college student and I will be getting ready elsewhere. Totally different in your situation. EVERYONE would be more comfortable if they got a hotel room. I’m a little snarky, so I would say something like this to the OOT guests, “I understand money is a problem, and if you need help getting a hotel room, I am sure I can help you somehow.” I would hope it would embarrass them into getting a room. But I would also be willing to actually pay for the room if it came to it. It would be worth it! What a crap situation, though. It will be so stressful for you to have them there day of.

    ETA- See if your dad will tell them since you are shy and not close and he seems to be on your side. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 15
    Member
    5096 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @Miss_Lily: Totally understand.  It’s something my mom and I both have to work on too!  Maybe you can consider this “assertiveness training.”

    Post # 16
    Member
    3314 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Honestly, we ended up having my grandma and my aunt staying with my hubby and I at my parents house the night before and it was fine.  I wasn’t too thrilled about it to begin with (my parents have their own bathroom, but ours was the one everyone else uses), but it ended up working out just fine.  I honestly didn’t even notice they were there in any other way besides having fun visiting with them.  ๐Ÿ™‚

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