Post # 1
Woohoo, it’s my first post! And I have an etiquette question.
I am a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding, which is taking place across the country from where we live. She’s having the reception at a very fancy hotel in California wine country, and the rooms start at $400 per night. I work at a nonprofit, so that’s quite rich for my budget – especially considering that my boyfriend and I will also be paying around $1000 to fly out to California.
I am sure she’ll get some sort of block discount, but I can’t imagine it will be discounted enough to really make a difference for my budget. As a bridesmaid, do I need to stay at the hotel where the reception is held? Would it be rude to get a room at a less expensive hotel down the street?
Post # 3
I don’t think you have to stay there at all.
Post # 4
It is perfectly ok for you to choose a different hotel.
Feel comfortable in saying ” We have chosen a different hotel. The reception hotel is beyond our budget.”
Post # 5
Totally OK to stay somewhere else!
Post # 6
Not rude, especially because its out of your budget! Personally, I’d definitely look for another hotel!
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Not a problem at all. If she is a good bride/hostess she will think of this and provide an alternate block of rooms at another hotel for budget conscious guests/attendants or at the very least make the recommendation for other more budget friendly hotels nearby.
We are staying at a beach house but it will only sleep 12 of our guests so I took it upon myself to research hotels nearby. I posted four of them on our wedding website with different rates and amenities (some are beachfront and expensive while others offer continental breakfast and a bargain rate.) We are making the offer that the attendants can stay with us at the beach house if they want but if they choose to book a hotel room I completely understand.
Post # 8
You’re not required to stay there, but I would speak to the bride before making a booking elsewhere, just as a courtesy. Some hotels require a contracted minimum on the block, and knowing you are not planning to stay in the hotel can help her make her own plans and arrangements with the hotel, so she doesn’t get caught short on any contract she might have signed; plus until you see the block price, you don’t know what the discount is.
You may want to consider staying only the wedding night there, and spending any other nights of your trip somewhere more affordable, simply because most folks end up back at the hotel bar/lounge after the reception, and it’s lovely to be able to pop upstairs and crash out after a long ceremony/reception/after-party day rather than having to drive back to a different hotel (especially if you’ve been drinking). To me, that’s worth the $200 I’d be saving on the room!
Post # 9
@beachbride1216: Thank you! That’s a good point – we haven’t even gotten the invitation yet, so she may very well recommend other hotels on her website. I’m just a planner, so I wanted to be sure I was saving enough money for her wedding.
Post # 10
Definitely okay to stay somewhere else. Flight + hotel + food while you’re traveling adds up really quickly.
I just attended a West Coast wedding this summer and while we chose to stay at the reception hotel, one of the groomsmen did not and it was totally fine. I actually wish we had looked into where he stayed, he was right across the street for way less each night!
Post # 11
@fishbone: Thanks! I will definitely speak with her before I make plans. Of course I will stay there happily if she needs me to for any reason, but if it’s easy enough and not horribly rude for me to stay somewhere less pricey I probably will try to do that. I don’t drink, so I’m not worried about driving after the party – provided its not too far away.
Post # 12
@jd2012: Right! I don’t mind splurging a bit for my best friend’s wedding, but $400+ a night just seems absurdly opulent for me at this stage of my life. Maybe once boyfriend and I are older and better paid. 🙂
Post # 13
Yep…stay somewhere else! She’ll be too busy with her wedding night anyway to care!
Post # 14
I would absolutely stay somewhere else. And I don’t see why that should bother the bride!
Post # 15
I’ve heard stories of the bride getting a discount if enough guests book at her hotel. In other words they are using the guests to subsidise their wedding! So if you get pressured to stay at her hotel, that might be behind it.
Stay where you want. My brother married in a fancy hotel, and we just walked a couple of blocks to a cheaper hotel down the road after it was over, and there were no complaints. Granted you’re a bridesmaid, but the bride only needs the bridesmaids before and during the wedding, not after.
Post # 16
Stay where you can afford, just so long as its distance doesn’t affect your ability to attend the wedding.